In PB for 5 months and still snooping? There are enough cracks in PB when you have children, don't add any more than that. It will help you heal more quickly and more fully

Lesson learned. I have spoken about this in therapy. You are right, with kids those should be the only cracks. I need to focus on my life and my boys. End of story.

I am so frightened, I have a court date next Monday, I have not seen or spoken to WH since July. I do not want to see him in court. I have had many cracks in Plan B, but the past three weeks I have been dark and its been good. Still think of him everyday. Wish that would stop.
His affair has blossomed since I am totally out of the picture and OW is getting her wish. I still have her blocked from meeting my boys, but I know I can only control that for so long.

Look great there, and don't look twice at him unless you have to for some reason. OW is not worth your notice.

I know, I wish I could put blinders on. Thank you, just had to vent. I want this over with so badly. I have no idea if I am going to have to sell the house...etc. Financially eeverything is so unknown. Divorce is scary. I wish I did not have to go and my attny could handle everything.

Update:
Had court yesterday, had not seen him since July. Did not look at him or acknowledge him. He has aged since July, more gray hair, gained weight. I felt like I do not know this person any longer, he is stranger to me. We are using the adultery claim for leverage.
If we can agree on a settlement, we could be divorced in March (next court date). It is so hard, He is 40K in debt and has zero savings, yet he continues to spend like crazy. He is going on his second vacation in two months. The OW is a lucky lady!
I just hope I get what I want out of the divorce and be done with it. Just sad.

How are you? Divorce is a stressful situation anyway and D with a wayward can be living h*ll.

How are you eating? Sleeping?

I am sleepind and eating well (probably too well) but I am extremely anxious and stressed out. Mostly for financial reasons. I having my oldest son see my therapist, he has been acting out alot. My WH, is so selfish and only cares about himself. His job and OW come first. I just wished he cared about the kids more. You can not make someone be a parent.

I have such hate and anger for him. I want this over and hopefully fianacially secure without a fight.

Update:

Had parental mediation required by the court. For the past 2 1/2 years WH has only done every other weekend and never asks for more time. He goes in there saying he wants them Thursday - Tuesday every other week. Thank god the mediator said that is too long for a 4 year old to be away from his mother.
He said that is not enough time. Did not want to take the dinner during the week, but NJ law is every other weekend and one dinner. She told him 9 days is too long without seeing your kids.

So it ends up he gets them pick up from school on Thursday and drop off Monday morning and every other monday night for dinner.

Not sure why he wanted so much time...when he has done the abosolute minimum. I knwo they need their dad, but I lost a night or two.

Only good news is that we agreed that no one can introduce a new partner (OW) until the divorce is final. After that no control.

He is a fool.

Thank you mason for giving an update. I am sorry that he got more time. You are right, more time will equal more work and responsibility for him. Time will tell whether he will be able to handle that much time and responsibility.

How are you doing? What have you been doing for yourself?

The process of divorce has been very stressful. I stressed so much about being in a room with him. We did not speak unless through the mediator. I do not think he will be able to keep this up....I am sure most Monday dinners will be canceled due to his traveling.
I honestly think he asked for more time to hurt me. He said if it was up to me I would only let him see the boys every other weekend. He is dillusional. I always offered more time.

At the end of the day my boys crave more time with him. I just hope he does not dissappoint them.

I can only imagine how difficult everything has been. I dread the process myself. I know it has to be heartbreaking for you to have these decisions only to worry that he won't uphold his end of the bargain. You are right, they love their father and need time with him. It will be so very difficult for you to see their father let them down over and over again. Having experienced this with some of my friends, I realize that you have to be the strong, loving stable one in the face of their pain. Eventually, they will form their own opinions of their father if he doesn't do the right thing by them. Remember, you can't control him or what he does, but you can stand up for your children and protect them.

One thing to consider, be careful that he doesn't keep trying to get more time. I know they will do that so then they can get a reduction in the child support they have to pay based on the time percentage. So, when he keeps cancelling Mondays due to travel, then you can re-visit the custody agreement to remove Mondays from the agreement.

Document everything in regards to his visitation, whether he takes them to their activities, dr. appts., etc.... Keep that record. It will come in handy should you have to re-visit custody agreement.

I hope you don't have to be in a room with him again!! Take care of yourself. You deserve to find peace and happiness. I hope you are well on your way.

The next time I have to be in a room with him is the end of March for our next court date. Little Bit, so funny, my attny told me the same thing to write everything down too.
I thought of that about the child support, but the only way it can be reduced is if we fo 50/50 and that will never happen.
Maybe that was a motive of his.
Who knows, I am getting better, but still have my moments. No contact is best.

I have a trip planned to Florida in April with my best friend. I need it...

Yes, you do need it!!! I am glad you are treating yourself to a trip to Florida!!! You sound much stronger and seem to be finding your path. That is such a wonderful thing. Have a great day Mason. Keep in touch with us.

Sounds good from my seat..Yes you are thier security, and thier strength

Thank you all so much. This is such a long road...I am a different person from when this all started and I am sure I will continue to evolve. I am a work in progress...

As humans we all are, that's what makes us beautiful. Some humans are lazy and self centered and stop working. Anyways good to here your doing better. Be strong!

I remember you back when I was first going through all of this. I am sorry things still suck. I went back a few pages to see what is new. I didn't see, what do you do for a job or money?

I have found one of my more healing things has been going to nursing school. I wanted to continue to be a stay at home mom forever, but doing something new and creating a new life for me and for my kids has been better and has kept my mind more from worrying about ex and his life.

Luckily, I never stopped working full time after having my boys. so working and taking care of the boys keeps me busy.
I still hate being alone when they are not here and I do long for a committed trusting relationship. Like many here, you wonder if that will ever happen.