Thanks to everyone who talked tough to me yesterday http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2705190#Post2705190

Today my husband said he was having coffee with his OW and when he came home he told me they talked about the reality of a life together. He said he felt like the fog was lifting and that he would soon go no contact with her.

With your words ringing in my ears, something just didn't feel right - so while he was out this afternoon I got onto his computer and lucky for me he'd forgotten to log out of his email.

There it was in black and white. He truly is a pathetic individual. He has been sleeping in the spare room and sneaking out the window to go sleep with her at night! OMG I cannot believe the immaturity of it all - there just are not words.

He states several times how much he loves her, misses her and wants to be with her but needs time to sort things out. Blah blah blah - they so deserve each other.

It may be the shock, but I am absolutely fine. I'm so relieved it's all over. I'm going to play it cool tonight and then when he goes to bed I'm going to send him a text using her nickname for him, advise him to climb on out that window for the last time and be back at noon tomorrow to tell the kids and collect his stuff.

The rest of my life starts right now thanks to you wonderful people.

Yes I was a fool to believe him, but I will never be ashamed of wanting to think the best of people. It's only the odd bad egg that screws you over and sadly mine fathered my children.

I know it's hard to finally have the truth, but knowledge is power.

Did you forward or print out the emails for safe keeping?

You should expose tonight and give him the Plan B letter and change the locks. Get him out and go to a dark Plan B.

First you need to expose.

Do you have your exposure list together?

Is the OW married?

Hi,

Yes I have everything ready to go in a few hours time.

I'm telling him to leave tonight and come back tomorrow when the kids and I will be out to get his stuff as I do not want to speak to him tonight.

Then I am telling him to come back on Friday night to tell the kids as I want them to have the weekend to deal with it. My daughter has a big exam on Monday so I feel this is the best course of action. I will tell the kids he is away with work this week.

I forwarded all their emails to my account and have drafted an email to OW which I will also send tonight. It contains an email he sent to me saying he didn't want to be with her and wanted more than anything to be with me and the kids. It's her choice if she believe it or not but I've asked her when they last had sex as we both need to get an STD test. That was a satisfying message to write. She is recently divorced.

As of now I cannot imagine a circumstance where I would want to save the marriage. The magnitude of his lies feels unrecoverable at this point. The fact that he tortured me emotionally for 14 weeks is unforgivable. But we shall see what happens. If he organises it, I suppose I would go to counselling for the sake of my kids.

It seems ironic that I met him on my 17th birthday and will be starting my life without him on my 42nd.

Have you read this?
How to Plan B Correctly

Who is on your exposure list?

Make sure you do a workplace exposure since they are co-workers.

WH's family and family members of OW? Please tell your children the truth.

Have you read this?
Exposure 101

Yes get in and get STD tested. How are you doing? Eating? Sleeping?

Hi,

Thanks for that, I will read it now.

His parents and siblings know. I thought they only knew it was an emotional affair but in one of the emails he mentions having a talk with his dad last week where it's obvious my FIL was very angry with him. I wouldn't be surprised if they all know the full story. They are a close knit family and would protect him unfortunately.

I will be telling my family tomorrow.

Please follow the exposure thread.

Besides your family and WH's family (you need to tell them the truth because he will spin lies about it and you) OW's family and their workplace.

Exposure 101

Does OW have Facebook?

Do you have a trail camera?
It would be great to have a photo of him climbing out the window!

SIS, I am very sorry for your dilemma but you are making serious strategic mistakes. You have made them all along and are making them again with this plan. This plan will get you nowhere. Your husband will say "so what", sneak out and then come back home. Your husband knows you are not serious.

Do you have the ability to follow a plan? If you do, we can help you make a strategic plan to get him out and to possibly save your marriage. Your plan is not going to do either of those things.

Have you read through the exposure 101 thread like we asked?

If they will protect him, then they will take steps to stop his affair. Sure, some families just don't care and won't help you, but most will. This is an exposure you absolutely cannot afford to dismiss. Exposure is your greatest weapon and I see you throwing this away. If you throw it away you will not win, you allow the cheaters to win by setting the stage and telling the "story." That will harm you and your children.

But we can't help you if you won't follow instructions. Can you follow a plan?

It is great that your FIL is angry with him. That is a good thing.

You need to expose the TRUTH.

Your WH's family has only heard WH's version which means it is full of lies that paint himself as the poor lonely husband and you as the mean selfish wife.

Exposure is your first step.

Yup. WH is an addict and is behaving exactly as an alcoholic or junkie would behave. WH drug of choice is OW.

That is how you need to start seeing WH....as an addict.




You have a good chance of getting your DH back but waiting for him to organize it is not in your best interests.

Take Melody up on her offer for a Plan. That will give you the best shot at saving your marriage and rebuilding the love and trust. Isn't that why you came here in the first place...to get support to save your marriage? We have plenty of that here if you want to listen to us.

Sleepless, please make sure you re-read those links so that you are not leaving anything out and follow the plan exactly! You don't want to look back like I did and say woulda-coulda-shoulda. Make your plan its most effective and you can kill this affair!

~RQ