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KISS it bothers me that even as you were typing this back on 06 Dec 2012 and giving us the impression that you understood and would abide by PORH...you were making the decision to NOT speak up about your feelings. You were violating the PORH simultaneously as you typed about it.

Pf, you are being maybe a little hard on the RQ/K couple, applying to them HS tests as they are barely entering MS.

On 27 January a brilliant colleague posted here:

RQ owed HER MARRIAGE (note: not "kiss") the duty to fully explore and discuss the vacation opportunity with him, and the burden for securing the joint "enthusiastic agreement" lay on her. I get that this is probably new to both of them, and certainly NOT the way their relationship operated previously...

They will not make the same mistakes again. (And by "will not" the implication is "had better not"!)

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Kiss, it's been a while. Are you and RQ rolling along? Are you getting sufficient UA time, and planning for adequate time this week?

Keep us advised, dude!

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Northwood8900,

That is exactly why I didn't say anything. I wanted her to ask me for what I felt or thought. I didn't want to put in my 2 cents without her wanting it.

KISS

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NeverGuessed,

Everything is great. I am happy now that I did speak up for how I felt when she asked. If this was the past I would still be mad and not saying anything. When I would fell that way it would make it easy to not be around her and stay at work those long hours. I would fell that edge between us and I wouldn't really want to be home.

I don't want to be the husband that feels like he has no say or has to do what his wife wants or I'm going to be miserable. This could have been that I wouldn't care if she went away or maybe I could look at it as a vacation for me. A break/ alone time but that's not what I want. I truly enjoy being with my wife. I hate being apart from her. I hope she realizes that. That is a big difference from how it was in the past. Not that I always felt that way but I times I did.

I really wish we found this program out before my BIG MISTAKE.

KISS

Last edited by kiss; 02/04/13 03:33 PM.
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I have started the process at work to transfer to Florida. I believe a new start will be a huge help to all of us. I hope that this all happens as my kids, RQ and my parents, who moved down their 5 years ago will all be very disappointed. I am anxious to go as well as I know that this would be a huge help to RQ with her triggers.

KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
I have started the process at work to transfer to Florida.

Good job. So it's a given, then?


Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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Northernwood8900,

No not exactly. I have to find a store that has an opening and they have to accept me. My District Manager said he would assist me in the process. We are looking at going this summer maybe around July.

KISS

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Originally Posted by kiss
NeverGuessed,

I am happy now that I did speak up for how I felt when she asked. If this was the past I would still be mad and not saying anything. When I would fell that way it would make it easy to not be around her and stay at work those long hours. I would fell that edge between us and I wouldn't really want to be home.

BINGO KISS. BINGO. That is what I was referring to when I said recognizing past mistakes.

I crossed out the part "when she asked" because you are going to commit to PORH even if she doesn't ask. Right?

smile


ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008

Recovered

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Pokerface,

Yes absolutly. But on this topic and timing I couldn't say anything because if I said anything over the past year or said anything without being asked the turn out would have been totally different.

KISS

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What's the deal with the car?

It sounds like a problem that needs to be resolved quickly.


Me (BH)
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Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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Beat me to it, NW!

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I type faster. smile


Me (BH)
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Yeah, probably about 5 times as fast, if you use all ten fingers!

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The car will be gone the end of the month. My sister is coming up the 27th of February and I am driving back down to Florida with her. Then I'm flying back a couple of days later. I can't wait till its gone and we are past this. I know RQ will be happy.

I'm not crazy about driving with my sister back to Florida but she just found out she is pregnant (first time) and her friend can't go with her now. I don't want to be away from RQ and I hate driving. 24 hours of driving yuck!!

KISS

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by the way I'm up to two fingers now on the typing thing. Not a lot of speed here either.

KISS

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Well, as soon as you achieved the two-finger level of typing achievement, it seems your willingness to demonstrate that skill has faded.

What goes on with you and RQ? I know the trip to Florida in imminent, so that is going to pull you and her apart for a while. It would be good to "pre-deposit" some EN chits before you leave, dude!

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Wow. Color me shocked.

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Ditto. Glad I am not the only one.

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KISS, you haven't been posting much anymore. I, like the others, am not surprised.

I did, however, want to pull up some of things you were saying to us when you were posting very frequently back in Dec and Jan when you were trying to get RQ to give you another shot at R.

Originally Posted by kiss
You are wrong because I am going to keep on posting and listening to the radio show as long as RQ and I feel that their is a benefit to it.

Originally Posted by kiss
Last night I had a conversation with RQ. She questioned me if I was doing enough to help her recovery. She said that she needs a plan for recovery.

<snip>

I make sure I'm posting on my thread everyday and I will finish reading Surviving An Affair today. I also listen to the radio show everyday. We discuss how we are doing everyday so I can get feedback and adjust if needed. I have stopped being defensive, I avoid being disrespectful and their are no angery outbursts.

Originally Posted by kiss
HPB,

This I am doing for our recovery:

1-ended the affair on march 5, 1212

2-sent out the letter to the OW

3-setup my EP's and protect my boundries everyday

4-make meeting RQ EN's my 1# priority

5-I continue to post and answer every question

6-I listen to the radio show everyday

7-what ever else that RQ asks me to do

Originally Posted by kiss
I agree with you 100% their is a great value here. I have no intentions of going anywhere. I am focused on the prize RocketQueen and having a great marriage.

So the plan was actually to only post and get help and use MB until you got RQ to come out of Plan B, is that right?


Ddays 2007 and 2011
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How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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Well kiss you have been called out. Think of the time you played video games could of been used for something beneficial to yourself and RQ. Wasted time IMO and I am a gamer. You have been given a second chance and you let old habits dictate your recovery. Get that plan you posted and put it on the bathroom mirror and on your PS3 and/or Xbox to remind you what is important.

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