Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 13 of 43 1 2 11 12 13 14 15 42 43
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788
Likes: 2
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788
Likes: 2
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Question:
Ex ww has told children that she plans on attending our church.
Any suggestions on how I should respond if she shows up at church in the near future?


Apologies if this is addressed elsewhere in your thread but is your wife a practicing Catholic? If she is not, then you should expect that this was said to wind you up and just ignore it.

If she starts attending the same church services at the same church on a regular basis, then she will be 'stalking' you and Visitation should be notified. Let them negotiate a solution.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Email received from Visittion Center:

Jedi
VC staff will address this with Ex ww

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Okay. Boy I'm more nervous than when I sent the exposure letters!

Here we go.
I'm sending the letter now.
Sending copies to my 2 SIL that I have relationships with.

I removed an additional paragraph based on advice I received from another forum. Here is the final letter:


Dear ex MIL

I would like to thank you for your efforts to be involved in my children's lives.�

However when we recently picked you up in December to accompany us to the skating rink, there was a strong smell of alcohol on you. I suspect that you were intoxicated.�

Throughout my marriage to your daughter there were periods of sobriety followed by relapses.�

At this time we will no longer visit with you. Please do not call, write or make any attempt to contact the children or myself.�

I am open to re-establishing a relationship in the future if you maintain sobriety for at least a year and it is verified by a third party professional or sponsor (not a family member).�

The children and I love you and hope that you will do so.�

Respectfully�

JEDI

Last night, as the kids and I were watching TV "someone" came to my front porch and left a gift bag and box addressed to the kids from "a secret admirer". I'm certain it was MIL.
This upsets me because the kids could have seen her.
I'm thinking that a formal letter of no trespass, served upon her by the Sheriff would be a logical response for not respecting my boundaries.
Any thoughts?

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
What was it...candy and toys?

Unless you (or someone else) saw her deliver it, the police would probably do nothing.


Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788
Likes: 2
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788
Likes: 2
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Last night, as the kids and I were watching TV "someone" came to my front porch and left a gift bag and box addressed to the kids from "a secret admirer". I'm certain it was MIL.


I know finances are tight for you right now but I have had great success with a $150 Panasonic webcam. It is motion activated and stores the history of what it sees which you can then view over your browser.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by Northwood8900
What was it...candy and toys?

Unless you (or someone else) saw her deliver it, the police would probably do nothing.

It was candy.
And I did not pass it on to the kids.
I know the police won't do anything but I can have the sheriff serve her with a notice of no trespass for little to no cost. I was thinking this may dissuade her from future unauthorized visits

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 656
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 656
Might as well; it's not like you have anything to lose from it. Maybe she will take the hint.


Age - 35
Divorce Final - 3/5/12

S - 13
S - 10
D - 8
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Just when I think I have it all figured out... The kids and I are at a play park and a beautiful woman is there with her kids.
I immediately was attracted to her sexually.
If I am going to remain single I think I should just not speak to women because otherwise I won't be able to think logically.

I really like how dr Harley stresses logical thinking, absent emotions.
But there is something inside of me (hormones I suppose) that causes me to be attracted to beautiful women.
I questioned my thinking as I looked at this woman, as I felt this attraction to her.
I FELT like she was beautiful and sexually attractive. I asked myself Why do I feel this way? She could be an idiot or retarded; she could be a drunkard or addict; I don't know anything about her.

But the sexual drive was there absent any reason. The procreative drive

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
email received from visitation center:

Jedi,

We have spoken to ex ww about appropriate conversation during the visits and on Feb. 10, the staff monitored the visit very closely. ww denies having this conversation with the children and the staff have been unable to substantiate inappropriate conversations.



On January 27, ww made the request (1) for staff to relay her concern regarding the cleanliness and odor of the children, (2) inappropriate conversation occurring at your home and (3) would you communicate with her (ww) using the Family Wizard program.



As we have informed ww: the Visitation Center is a neutral third party that provides a safe place for supervised visits and we encourage both parties to work on positive co-parenting for the health, welfare and future of the children.


Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
I am submitting the court required Notice of Relocation today......I listed June 5 as the move date (school ends june 4)

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Just when I think I have it all figured out... The kids and I are at a play park and a beautiful woman is there with her kids.
I immediately was attracted to her sexually.
If I am going to remain single I think I should just not speak to women because otherwise I won't be able to think logically.

I really like how dr Harley stresses logical thinking, absent emotions.
But there is something inside of me (hormones I suppose) that causes me to be attracted to beautiful women.
I questioned my thinking as I looked at this woman, as I felt this attraction to her.
I FELT like she was beautiful and sexually attractive. I asked myself Why do I feel this way? She could be an idiot or retarded; she could be a drunkard or addict; I don't know anything about her.

But the sexual drive was there absent any reason. The procreative drive

I applaude your resolve to put your children's interests first. Don't forget though that you can change your mind about remaining single until they are adults.

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
YesTerday I submitted a notice of intent to relocate out of state with the court.

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Just when I think I have it all figured out...

See this? Right there is your problem. Thinking you have it all figured out. None of us do. None of ever have it all figured out. Isn't that exciting? A never ending learning process.

smile

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
I have a question.
My SIL told me that my FIL mentioned that he was going to stop by and visit the kids.
He lives in AZ. We are in Ohio.
He is traveling through.

He ended up enabling my wife in her adultery by paying an attorney for her.
He also bought her an affair phone.

Should I have anything to do with him?


Also this Chrismas he mailed $200 to his daughter (SIL) and my
MIL other daughter (he is no relation to her at all). My kids? Zero.

I sent a Facebook message to my BIL in AZ at Christmas asking for address so we could mail cards.,,, he blocked me and didn't respond.

Should I reach out to FIL or just cut him out ?

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
Cut the FIL and BIL out.

While it's nice for the children to know their mother's side of the family, that should be with the condition that those relatives have morals to begin with.



Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
I have a question.
My SIL told me that my FIL mentioned that he was going to stop by and visit the kids.
He lives in AZ. We are in Ohio.
He is traveling through.

He ended up enabling my wife in her adultery by paying an attorney for her.
He also bought her an affair phone.

Should I have anything to do with him?


Also this Chrismas he mailed $200 to his daughter (SIL) and my
MIL other daughter (he is no relation to her at all). My kids? Zero.

I sent a Facebook message to my BIL in AZ at Christmas asking for address so we could mail cards.,,, he blocked me and didn't respond.

Should I reach out to FIL or just cut him out ?
Jedi
I would confirm with the FIL that he indeed intends to "stop by." if you're like me this would constantly on your mind until you know for sure.
At that point you can either be straight and say you would rather he didn't and why not (a tough conversation probably) or just start making plans for the week (a trip to Lake Erie perhaps). He's several states away so maybe it won't be tough to duck him until he gets tired of the notion.

I drove by my ex-FIL's house yesterday (may her Rest In Peace). Speaking of Erie...
I always had respect for him for NOT financing my ex's divorce pursuit even though he could have buried me for sport (and I was always fearful of that).
Life is so complicated.
smile

opt


Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01)
Divorce from WW final 9/16/10.
Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10)
Mine: S(16), D(11)
NatureGirls: S(23), D(21)
Another EA Story
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
My SIL told me that my FIL mentioned that he was going to stop by and visit the kids.

Would your children enjoy a brief visit with him?

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Email received from ex wife:
"
When is the egg hunt at the xxxxxx church? DD8 asked, last Sunday, if I wld go. I said I wld."

What is the proper plan B response if any?

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Lately, I have Been thinking about the issue of adoption.i understand that there are millions of children without parents.

Is it reasonable and healthy for me to consider exploring adoption?

I have an 8 and 6 year old girls and a 10 year old boy.
I have full custody.
What is your opinion of exploring adoption of a boy around my kids age?


Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
You are a single parent with 3 kids.

Your plate is full now.

Page 13 of 43 1 2 11 12 13 14 15 42 43

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
2 members (2 invisible), 565 guests, and 54 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5