Ok, but you don't want to lose all this, do you? You need to really take this to the next level or this is going to fade. That happens by scheduling your UA time and getting that nailed down.


What is the issue with this guy? Is he someone that should be in your lives? Because it sure doesn't sound like it to me.

I�m certainly not sitting dormant Mel. I think we are getting to the next level it is just taking a while and some persistence from me to make it happen. When I push she isn�t resistant although sometimes it takes a long while before we get to it.

As far as this neighbor. He is a good guy. Unfortunately he�s also a guy that I�ve pointed in the direction of the Harleys. They don�t have a great marriage. Him and I are good friends. We hang out. He is a guy that shares his M troubles with me.

It is probably time I had a frank discussion with him about his behavior around me and my W. I know if and when I have this conversation he will be very apologetic and he will do as I ask. Right now my focus is her and I establishing EPs � maybe it�s time that changed.

Close the deal before you make me pop a blood vessel!!!


ARe they flirting?

Close the deal before you make me pop a blood vessel!!!

Oh my. I wouldn't want that to happen. I must teach you apathy.

Are they flirting?

Well ... she's stopped since we had our EP talk with Dr. Chalmers. But before that yes.

I often communicated to her of the double standard we have/had in our R. That she could flirt and it was supposedly allowed but if a woman simply struck up a convo with me she'd be right there in between us. Ugh I can remember a time when she was leading some guy on in a bar (way back) and she actually asked me to just let it go because she was having fun. I almost got into a fist fight with this guy because of her actions. I am not a fighter. Ahk dwelling on the past. Young and immature we were.

I put a few EPs in place myself. There are a couple of the females I know here at work that I would sometimes cross the line in communicating personal stuff. Very professional now. No personal talk. With me I laid it out there with these ladies. I told them I was making a mistake by confiding in them (even though they appeared to be friends of the M). They understood and we've moved on.

You're killing me!!


Wow, are you sure you want to even be around that guy!? And I applaud you for putting EPs in place for yourself.

Wow, are you sure you want to even be around that guy!?

I think so. I don't want to say he's harmless. That would be naive. The one thing I know for sure is he is a good man. He�s very good to his W who treats him very disrespectfully. He just takes it most of the time. He�s a super Dad. Very devote to his kids. He�s a great neighbor always quick to lend me a hand or borrow me a tool, etc.

I see his devotion to his W slipping. His talks with me are filled with more and more distain as the months go by. I so want to help them. They seem like prime candidates for this program. So far I don�t think he�s bit on my suggestion to visit here.

I envision him being cautious with my W if she puts into practice the EPs we discussed. Most of the time they are very neighborly, if you will. Seems it's when we're having a few drinks and inhibitions are lowered where things can cross the line.

I applaud her for trying and being devote in following up with me since we�ve started MB together. That's not how the old us used to operate.

My W is quick to point out that I can be overly neighborly with women too. Almost an attack mechanism as it never comes up until I�m pointing out what she�s doing. I�m not sure what I�m putting out there as there is no one I have thoughts of even being good friends with. I like to hang with my guy friends.

This neighbor�s wife isn�t marriage material (at least not what I would want in a wife) yet my wife says I flirt with her. I�m stupefied. I am friendly. I have friendly conversations with people. I don�t want to be standoff-ish. But I keep my distance at all times and I never insinuate anything that crosses the line. I asked her if she could be specific but she couldn�t recall the exact details.

She has a divorced friend that comes over that is the type to flirt with other guys. She�s attractive. I am careful to keep my distance. Most times I hang close to my W so as not to be put in a bad position.

Her and I definitely need a secret wink or something. I don�t want her experiencing that insecurity. I know how it feels.

Mel, this is a bit of a tangent but I wanted your input regarding these neighbors.

I haven't told you much about them and I won't go into their details. There is one thing about their situation that I need help with.

Our neighbor's wife is quite controlling, demanding, etc but mostly I see her being disrespectful openly about him. She talks about his shortcomings to lots of people. I guess it is what her father did to her. She complains to me about him. Talks him down. Doesn't call him names mind you but it seems he can't do anything right. Yet I see him running his butt off trying to please her.

Anyways when she starts to lambast him directly to me what would be a good reaction for me? In the past I�ve just let her talk but I�m thinking I should do more. At a minimum she shouldn�t be sharing those personal things with me. So how would you phrase something in response to her when she starts in?

�Listen, Mrs. Neighbor, I�m sorry Mr. Neighbor is upsetting you. Still I don�t think you should be telling me these things. It�s none of my business and quite frankly it makes me feel uncomfortable.�

She�ll probably get her feathers ruffled but I almost don�t care as it is very hard to listen to her blast this guy who by all appearances seems to be a good guy.

Tell her you don't care to hear her insult her husband just like you'd be offended if your wife were complaining about you too another man.

I don't like any diet that cuts out all fat. Men need to research the relationship between saturated fat, cholesterol, and testosterone. If you want to read up on nutrition, look up Lyle MacDonald and John Berardi.

I have a fair share of couples I train. It only takes a session if you have a good trainer that the hesitation should fade away.

To lose fat, you don't have to touch cardio in the traditional fashion. I only touch cardio myself when I have to get low single digit body fat numbers for a competition.

Hopefully you're wife can get rid of her apprehension. Being nervous in front of a trainer is like being nervous to have a physical from a doctor.

Thanks kilted.

It's not that she's nervous about being in front of a trainer. It's that she doesn't want people watching her.

My conundrum is that I have had zero success getting her to even give things a try. Most of that has to do with her anxieties. I try to nudge her some but I don't want to become a source of anxiety for her either.

I try to find the balance between being the one she looks to and being the one that motivates her to branch out.

You could always start with a trainer and then ask her if she would like to try a session. And if she doesn't like it, she does not have to do any more sessions with the trainer. I always recommend a trainer even for a short term basis. Most people do not realize how bad their form is. And most people do not know how to create an effective training program.

The tricky part of this is finding a good trainer. Most trainers are only rep counters and do not even look like they work out. And most trainers do not have a clue when it comes to nutrition relating to making physique changes.

What is your budget per month that you can spend on a trainer? What state do you live in?

If the moderators will allow us to exchange emails I might be a able to help you with the training portion or help locate a good trainer

Thanks kilted but I'm not ready to make any moves regarding a trainer. The budget doesn't really allow for it hence why I mentioned to her that we sell some of our equipment. Unless she's agreeable to that then I won't be going to a trainer solo.

Right now my best option is to simply go back to doing my own workout routine skipping the exercises that create issues for my back.

She said she liked yoga. Why not you both try some yoga together? You can get a free DVD from the library, or just download online. Might be fun for you. And very easy on the back/feet...

Thanks Cat, I'm not sure yoga is going to be my thing but I'm willing to give it a shot. My W has a couple of videos already. LOL. As I've mentioned to Mel ... she's got tons of stuff she could use but she doesn't remain committed.

See ... that's why signing up for some personal training could prove so helpful. Spending the money is incentive to go.

Her and I are sitting down to do a budget tonight. Our spending is getting out of hand and our bank account is being depleted. We need to get a hold of things and from there see what we can shake out for more important expendable items like a PT.

I have a suggestion that might work for the both of you. Go check out www.streamfit.com . You can get a free trial period to see if you like it. Then if you want to keep using it, it's a small monthly subscription. They have pre setup workouts from awesome trainers. It has everything from 10 min sessions to hour long and from bodyweight only to using kettlebells to resistance bands, dumbbells, etc. You pretty much choose what equipment you want to use and/or how long you want the session to be and it'll give you a bunch of sessions to choose from.

What's wrong with your back? What exercises aggravate it?

I�m not sure you want to hear but I�ll give you the sorry rundown of my ailments. This is probably gonna sound like some big sob story. It is definitely something that depresses me. FYI I communicate this to my W profusely.

I have a condition in my back that creates back spasms. Bending, stooping, lifting my legs will cause a disk or two to shift in my lumbar area. After enough aggravation eventually the back spasms and I'm out for the count for a few days and am sore for weeks. Interestingly enough and thankfully the twisting motion needed to golf isn�t a problem. I am a very, very avid golfer.

I was going to physical therapy and doing home exercises for several months for the back condition. Like all PT I've taken long term commitment in doing the prescribed exercises doesn't stick. I have no excuses. I�m just lazy, get bored and/or get frustrated with the types of exercises I need to do.

The therapist said I will never be able to completely stop the shifting but could only hope to minimize it by strengthening the muscles around it. So after several months of having to do extremely minimized range of motion to avoid the pop, crunch, shift (whatever you want to call it) I got frustrated and quit. This is what I usually do � I start feeling better and stop doing what I should be doing. Heh, my wife isn�t the only one here who needs to find commitment.

I�ve always been a weight lifter. I have a Hoist V3 home gym and I enjoy using that. There are several exercises I have to be very careful with or I aggravate my chrondomalacia condition in my knees (most predominately in my left knee).
I recently added a dip station and pull up bar which I figured doing leg raises and what not would help me with my core. That�s when I aggravated my back.
We have a Life Fitness recumbent bike. Which works well except my bum gets sore sitting on it and I wish I would have seen that coming and bought an upright one. That�d give me the option of standing once in awhile.

A year and half ago I came down with tendonitis (golfer�s elbow) and that slowed up my workout routine I was doing back then. I can still feel it a little but for the most part the elbow is good.

I work in IT so I spend my days typing (ahem) which means I have some issues with carpael tunnel. I can�t do a push up unless it�s on my knuckles. I wear wrist braces every night when I sleep to minimize the numbness I feel in the morning which can extend into the day. Thought about going in to get the surgery but wearing the braces for about the last 7 or 8 months has helped a lot.

My feet are the worst. They are a daily reminder of how messed up they are. There isn�t a day that has gone by in the last 7 years or so that I haven�t had a pain free day. The pain I experience now is just extreme discomfort and isn�t as painful as it has been. I�ve spent I don�t know what? � over $2500 in therapy sessions (co-pays) trying to fix it. Foot therapy, Active Release, cortisone cr�mes with ultrasound, Graston technique, etc. After on and off again therapy over a 6 year stint I finally stopped going about a year ago as I realized it wasn�t resolving the issue. The podiatrist said it�s a self healing condition which may take as long as 20 years to correct itself.

I�m sure I sound like a whiner but I really do need someone to keep me committed, motivated and help me to avoid over doing it. I�ve let these injury issues get me down, feeling depressed about it at times.

Wait???? What does this have to do with Marriage Building?

I have said those things for over 30 years. Been told it is my problem that I do not have self control.

I then ask if I was an alcoholic would she always make sure there is a bottle of whisky in the house. To which I would get you are crazy look for talking such baloney.

Whoa, stop, put on the breaks.

There is nothing to dicuss. You had a WW?
This guy is no friend.
This OM predator knows about your WW being easy once before and his mind is saying if he plays his cards right your WW will be easy with him again.

This OM is quietly laying the ground work to lay your WW.

And, if I remembered wrong and your wife was the BW this OM is laying the ground work to help your BW have a revenge affair.

This low life, sneaking, snake in the grass, wife stealing bum is not a friend.

You and your WW and kids must go NC with this OM and his whole family. ASAP. Today.

You were a weight lifter. As in the past.

Time to grow up instead of just older.

You have worked/abused your body too long too hard.

Time to forget weight training for power and just go light for tone and to burn calories.

You can't see how you still seek ways to work out hard and that it only causes your body to break down in new ways.

Road,

There is no infidelity in my M.