Should be ok . I mailed letters out to his family weeks ago. I did not get any feedback from we so I think he did not tell her.

Just a point of interest today - WW *LOST* her cell phone. She is accusing me of taking it, her day has not been good. She is like a drug addict who is not getting a heroin fix and is acting mean. Normally she is so happy - I can't stand it.

Normally she takes her cell phone and her computer and puts them in a large beach bag - and sleeps with the bag by the side of her bed. If the cell phone rings or beeps that she has a text - she will then take her cell phone to the bathroom.

I have had the openness and honesty/transparancy discussion with her her in the last couple of days and told her to read pages 40-41 of the SAA book which dioscusses her need for secrecy.. She told me that she "is not reading my darned book"

Anyway - I managed to keep calm despite todays mood swing - although generally I am having a tough time with plan A I slipped up and got in a mood a couple of times - I'm only human, but I'm getting better at it.

I think her hard drive should accidentally crash as well. Perhaps a small cold will do....

Poor poor wayward....

Moods are ok, just be careful not to o any lovebusting.

Well - -If I had access - maybe i could take the hard drive out and put it in the dishwasher for a cycle - but for the past couple on Months I cant get to it.

Might be time to jump off the bed for fun.

...take the hard drive out and put it in the dishwasher for a cycle...

It's easier to rest a powerful pulsing electromagnet on it for a few hours!

I think a can of coke knocked off the bedside table into the bag would work quite well, too.

I know it has been a few days since I posted, but I need to vent and get input on how to handle the next few days. We had probably the best stretch of days since D day ( Oct 16th) which ended on Wednesday with what I call the �garage� incident. Last weekend we took my DS 18 to a college visit for the weekend, with my DD and met up with my DS who is in college and is 21 this week. We stayed in a hotel for 2 nights and had a good weekend . I have been working my plan A and trying to ,maximize my �domestic support� by doing laundry and always turning the dishwasher around when I can plus some other stuff. We had a set back a couple of days ago when WW�s best friend going all the way back to High School called, and I answered, she was nowhere to be found � I eventually found her � coming out of the garage with her cell phone, she knew she was busted. After she finished her call with her friend she was in a bad mood, asked some divorce questions ( get me copies of statements etc) to which I replied �I am not going to have any divorce discussion with you, only marriage recovery, which would start with a no contact letter.� She said she did not know what that was but there is no chance for recovery as far as she is concerned. I

I know it has been a few days since I posted, but I need to vent and get input on how to handle the next few days. We had probably the best stretch of days since D day ( Oct 16th) which ended on Wednesday with what I call the �garage� incident. Last weekend we took my DS 18 to a college visit for the weekend, with my DD and met up with my DS who is in college and is 21 this week. We stayed in a hotel for 2 nights and had a good weekend . I have been working my plan A and trying to ,maximize my �domestic support� by doing laundry and always turning the dishwasher around when I can plus some other stuff. We had a set back a couple of days ago when WW�s best friend going all the way back to High School called, and I answered, she was nowhere to be found � I eventually found her � coming out of the garage with her cell phone, she knew she was busted. After she finished her call with her friend she was in a bad mood, asked some divorce questions ( get me copies of statements etc) to which I replied �I am not going to have any divorce discussion with you, only marriage recovery, which would start with a no contact letter.� She said she did not know what that was but there is no chance for recovery as far as she is concerned. I explained that she needs to read the book that I gave her (SAA), and she stated she had no intention and as far as she is concerned our marriage is over.
As far as POSOM goes, his car has not been in the work parking lot this week, I did drive by�s Monday, Tuesday and yesterday. Best case scenario is that the exposure resulted in him being terminated or transferred to another location. We�ll find out eventually, maybe he is just making his exit moves to easier prey, due to the exposure.
One of my sisters called me from Scotland yesterday, each of my sisters call me every few days to check upon me. She told me that she had called a couple of days ago and WW picked up. Apparently the two of them had a dialogue where WW presented my sister with the crazy jealous stalking husband theory as the reason for the divorce with her affair being a figment of my imagination. My sister gave me a heads up on that, apparently she is spreading this tale as a response to my exposure letters, FB messages and emails. I feel isolated and kind of defenseless here, as I run my consulting business from home therefore do not have a network of work friends that I can talk to, although I have been talking to a former boss who is in North Carolina which is helpful. My immediate family, my mom, dad and two sisters and their families are all in Scotland. WW has immediate family close by and work friends that are giving her a lot of support.
Next week is going to be a tough one, there is a �children in the middle� training class on Monday, WW will get the counter-suit (adultery) papers served on Tuesday, and we have a divorce status hearing on Wednesday. This will be the first time that I have legal counsel representing me.

Anyway, I apologize for the long update, if all else fails, I will have learned some MB principles, ands thanks to this forum, can convince myself that I am not as crazy as WW is telling everyone. I appreciate any supportive comments, advice, or input from the group.

Well - really messed it up again! I put a VAR in her car under the drivers seat - I wanted to find out where she stands with POSOM since it does not look like he is working with her anymore - she found it the same day I put it in - gave it to her lawyer. It was in our bedroom for a few hours before I put it in the car - she said my voice is on there telling her that she "looks pretty hot today". Anyway - one more thing that will be used against me in the custody fight.

For Valentines Day, based on the plan A recommendation to get more affectionate - I am stepping it up a notch - normally it is a card, chocolates and dinner out - This year, it is a card, chocolates, heart shaped diamond earings, dozen roses shipped to her work, and a hand written poem :
" I grieve for the bond that we once had
I feel abandoned � and really sad
The times we�ve had have really been special
For your accomplishments � you deserve a medal
One thing that you should know that still is true
My heart is still reserved for you"

I'm thinking about plan B - and the difficulty with grown kids - as the armour plated love bank is not letting anything in - and I am getting worn down.

I watched "Fireproof" which is on line on Netflix - very inspirational movie - and example of a perfectly executed plan A.

Uh oh on the VAR. Probably would have been better to put under the passenger seat. I like your plan A. If my WH ever makes it to these boards he should read this post!

Have heard a lot of good things about Fireproof. I'll have to watch it soon.

Plan B whenever you can't plan A anymore. It's totally up to you. Hope your plan A works though!

Thanks B - If you get a chance, watch the movie. It is more of a "carrot" approach, than the "carrot and stick" though.

I'm continuing on with Plan A, WW is continually trying to "bait" me in to arguments. I know that the OP is not working with her anymore, but they are still in contact. This morning I asked WW if she would consider looking at a NC letter and working on our marriage, the response was " considering how abusive you are to me, there is no way in H**LL we are going to be together, and the divorce can't happen soon enough"

Any advice ? I have been nothing but respectful, apart from the few days following DD when I was a wreck.

She's a wreck. She just is not aware she's a wreck.

WW's "abusive" comment makes me mad. It's a common posture taken when a WW has thrown her affections at another man.

Continue being respectful. But, do not roll over and admit to her claims of abuse. I call bull-crap.

Good for you when it comes to not taking her bait. She needs you to be the ogre . Deny her.

Thanks Pepp, Plan A for me is not easy, I get a lot of confort from reading your Plan A advice here http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=991329&Searchpage=3&Main=95618&Words=%22Who+the+heck+ARE+you%3F%22&Search=true#Post991329

We have an appointment to see a "court ordered" counsellor on Friday. I called around and found a counsellor who is on board with MB, I am sure she is going to do the "its finished" routine that she did with the last councilling session from a couple of months ago.

Prepare a plan. Do not go into this without a plan.


I'm sure you are correct. This is her non-plan.

You must rehearse your responses to this ....

I can give you ideas, but my ideas are really just a catalyst to get you started on your own personalized responses...

Examples:

"I remember the words we spoke on our wedding day. (quote the vows you said). I take those vows seriously. We find our marriage sputtering at "for worse". I took a vow to endure "for worse". I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this marriage make it through "for worse" and cherish the "for better". My integrity demands I make this effort."


Or .........

"I am not willing to give up on this marriage just because things are currently difficult. I know that I have not done everything within my power to fix this. I am willing to do that. I am willing to see this through until I know for a fact that I have exhausted every available resource to fix this marriage."

Rehearse and plan. Be the boy scout. Prepared.

Thanks ! I will definetely use the vows "for worse" line.

Thanks! These will be good points to make.
I think she sees this session as just another obstacle in her quest for a speedy divorce.

She's just a typical WW. Running away as fast as she can.