Sorry to change the subject, but whatever happened regarding WW's cervical cancer scare?

She has an appointment next month in regards to that. The paperwork says she has moderate cancer so they hope to scrape it before it spreads.

Cervical cancer is caused by HPV which is a sexually transmitted disease. An HPV infection takes a very long time to progress to the point that it causes cervical cancer.

If I understand this correctly, your wife's diagnosis proves that she had extramarital sex prior to last fall.

Unless she got it from Tranquil?

I think she had a ONS or got it from her relationship prior to me. She was with SS father who was extremely abusive physically and emotionally. From what I know it takes years for that stuff to fester. When this all started I got tested for everything and it was all negative. And I have had the vaccination against HPV.

I read that most HPV infections go away within 2 years, but some linger. Cervical cancer is caused by those lingering HPV infections. I was assuming she got the infection within the past few years, but I suppose it could date back to the beginning of her relationship with Tranquil, or even predate her relationship with Tranquil.

Are there any medical professionals who post on this forum? If Tranquil knew how long it usually takes for an HPV infection to progress to cervical cancer, it might give him a better idea of how long WW has been unfaithful.

Did the ONS occur during your marriage? This isn't her first affair?

This is her first that I know of I'm not discounting the fact that there may be more I don't know about. This infidelity has me picking pieces of past behaviors and assuming the worst until I get the truth. I really believe that this is her first time doing this because of the sloppiness, the running away (which seems to be typical of WWs after reading a lot of other threads) and the depression accompanied with it. ONS was prior to her even knowing me and she told me about it while we were dating.

I just know she didn't get it from me. I'm really sure it is from SS father because it takes 10-15 years to manifest. SS is 10 years old so the math is just right. Going to call her today to talk about her grandma's illness. Most people have said that I have crazy mental endurance to plan A for so long. I'd like to think of myself as a mentally strong individual one of the qualities she liked in me. Honestly, if POSOM wasn't 1500 miles away I think I would be in jail for harming him. I guess that's one silver lining in all this.

Today going to a birthday party with DS. He has been my little hero throughout all this. He told her one time that she should come home with his brother. She said I was controlling what he says typical. He the. Countered that she was daddy's wife and she should love daddy and only daddy. Also that daddy didn't tell him anything but to pray for mommy.

Good. That makes sense regarding the timing of the infection.

I agree that you have incredible mental endurance to still be in Plan A. It seems like you are directing most of your anger at POSOM rather than at WW, and that is how you're managing to stay in Plan A.

Do you have a time limit for Plan A? Your wife has been extremely abusive--to you and the boys--yet you still love her. Are you afraid you could be teaching the boys that they should tolerate abusive relationships? Children learn what they live.

I was on the radio show in November and f/u emails to dr. H. He said I should Plan A still divorce and communicate how hurtful her affair is to me and our family. Once the divorce is final I enter plan B. as for directing anger at POSOM that's not entirely true. I am angry with that sleaze ball and my WW. My anger at her is greater than POSOM but I keep it under control. It's just that I can't hit my wife for a variety of common sense reasons. I can however beat the snot out of him.

Got it. Any progress on getting SS back? I have no legal expertise, but it seems to me that WW should have lost her parental rights due to abandonment. And SS should have been removed from the grandmother's house since the grandmother got him by facilitating a parental kidnapping. (I also think the grandmother should be held legally responsible for her role in the kidnapping, for failing to enroll SS in school in a timely manner, etc.) The poor kid has literally been abandoned by both of his biological parents, and his biological grandmother doesn't even want him anymore. You are the closest relative who is fit to serve as his guardian and you've been desperate to get him back. Giving you full custody seems like a no brainer. What has your lawyer said about the current situation?

I meet with my lawyer next week about that. I sent SS a letter from me, money, and his Christmas presents. They haven't got there yet. I agree with you totally JC. His father is what I call a ghost dad. In his life for a bit then floats away and WW isn't fit to be a parent in her current fogginess. These are points I am going to drive home with my lawyer. SOB will earn that paycheck with my case lol.

Church service was good. Started going back to church when all this drama in my life started. Good advice from JK. The pastor there knows about my wife's adultery but he doesn't know her and he suggested that I can go through marriage counseling with her via the church. Going to run this idea through WW as I will see her today. Following advice from Dr. Harley I set up a family event with WW, myself and DS. He said I should do this often as he feels WW does miss me but is too fogged out to admit it and by doing this she will see what she is missing out on and it sets up good LB deposit opportunities for me. Has anyone been through their church for marriage counseling? Is it effective in getting through the addled mind of an adulteress?

I just finished reading buyers renters and freeloaders and came to this conclusion. I was a buyer and so was she, in the beginning. However, real life and stresses turned her into a renter. I believe when I left for a couple months do to the military it took a toll on her. At that point she became a renter and I didn't realize it. The sermon at church was about commitment and how today's culture pushes for a commitment of non-commitments aka hedging your bets. Anyways my rambling is done for today thanks for letting me vent everyone. God bless!

TD, Dr. Harley has tips for finding an effective counselor, whether it be through your church or elsewhere. I'm not sure if you've seen this article or not, so I'll link it for you. Use these tips to guide your selection: Finding an Effective Counselor

I went to a church counselor.
Most of them have a doctrine of unconditional love and forgiveness.
In my case, he asked my wife: is the Afair over?
She answered Yes. (a lie)
He turned to me and said, You need to forgive her.

Fortunately I had another motive for counseling. I used it as a safe place to make an ultimatum to my wife: Agree to MB recovery or we divorce.
I was not going to follow the counselors plan.
She then started complaining to the counselor about me.

Overall marital counseling is a waste of time and counter productive during an active affair.

Yep. If your church counselor believes in unconditional love and automatic forgiveness, move on.

Did I miss something? Why aren't you suggesting that she do MB counselling with Steve or Jennifer?

I would like her to do that but she is in an active affair. Do you think they would help in an active affair. I have to get her to agree to it. I didn't ask about the pastor counseling because I believe it would be a waste a time. We had a nice time just the three of us I really wish SS was there. She talked and open up to me. She wants to be a vegetarian. POSOM influence. That hurt when she said that cause I know why but she oblivious of what I know. We talked alot about church service I attended and little talk about future and everything. DS was happy we were together. Overall I think I made good impression sprinkled compliments during the conversation she gave me some as well on my appearance and parenting. I think the v day gift was a huge deposit. Fighting the good fight thanks for the advice.

Oh, sorry, TD - I forgot the affair is active. If that is the case, she won't be receptive to counseling - pastoral or otherwise.

I have heard that sometimes Steve is "good with foghorns"
I have no experience with this so I can't discuss it further.
But it couldn't hurt to get her to talk to him if willing.

The challenge is that "the fog" is delusional thinking as explained by Dr Harley on a recent radio show.
Your wife is not thinking clearly and Steve's job would be to have her consider te consequences of her behavior. You have already allowed her to fce the natural consequences of her behavior EXCEPT for no contact/ plan B.
She does not have a picture of what divorce would be like. Your intent is to plan a until divorce then enter plan B based on the advice you received. Steve would encourage her to think "what would divorce be like?"

The best weapon you have at this time is prayer.
The bible says that the prayer of a righteous man is a powerful and effective weapon. Pray for her and yourself. For God to give you both the will to follow His commandments.

I strongly encourage you to read the book of Hosea also.

You're doing a great Job.
Keep it up.
It's a marathon. Not a sprint