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Can someone point out why it is a good idea for him to take a separate vacation fron his wife after she just got hell from the board for wanting to go on a vacation with her famiily - a vacation he knew about and didn't object to for a year until her ticket was purchased. But now that he has decided he wants to go on a separate vacation with his family there is not one peep from anyone. Isn't Kiss being a hypocrite? An "it's okay for me but not for you" attitude? I would think that would cause some resentmnet since HE is the ones who cheated.

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Originally Posted by 2wanda
Can someone point out why it is a good idea for him to take a separate vacation fron his wife after she just got hell from the board for wanting to go on a vacation with her famiily - a vacation he knew about and didn't object to for a year until her ticket was purchased. But now that he has decided he wants to go on a separate vacation with his family there is not one peep from anyone. Isn't Kiss being a hypocrite? An "it's okay for me but not for you" attitude? I would think that would cause some resentmnet since HE is the ones who cheated.
Nobody is going to point out that this is a good idea, as I'm sure you know.

I don't think we knew about a separate vacation with his family for kiss. How do you know about it? Are you a friend of this couple?


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Originally Posted by kiss
The car will be gone the end of the month. My sister is coming up the 27th of February and I am driving back down to Florida with her. Then I'm flying back a couple of days later. I can't wait till its gone and we are past this. I know RQ will be happy.

I'm not crazy about driving with my sister back to Florida but she just found out she is pregnant (first time) and her friend can't go with her now. I don't want to be away from RQ and I hate driving. 24 hours of driving yuck!!

KISS
Is this the "vacation" that you mean? It doesn't come across as a vacation from the way kiss has written it, but it is still a separation from Rq.

Has it been POJAd for kiss to drive his sister back? Why isn't she flying back? If kiss doesn't want to drive her (and he says he doesn't), and he doesn't want to be away from Rq, and she doesn't want him to go, then why is he going?

Kiss's responsibility is to Rq and the marriage, not to his sister. If she can travel up alone she can travel back alone. If she can't travel alone then perhaps she should cancel her trip.

We need an explanation of this if we are to help.


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Originally Posted by 2wanda
Can someone point out why it is a good idea for him to take a separate vacation fron his wife after she just got hell from the board for wanting to go on a vacation with her famiily - a vacation he knew about and didn't object to for a year until her ticket was purchased. But now that he has decided he wants to go on a separate vacation with his family there is not one peep from anyone. Isn't Kiss being a hypocrite? An "it's okay for me but not for you" attitude? I would think that would cause some resentmnet since HE is the ones who cheated.

Because he wants to help his sister more than he wants to help his wife. He's still confused and wayward in his thoughts and attitudes. Others are still placed on the same priority scale as his wife. Until this changes, he's still an obvious danger.

He has spun the car going to sis as a win for both sis and his wife. This is only a win for sis. Wife will still have to live with the trigger being in the family, and if sis stops making payments or is late with any payments, it falls back on Kiss and his wife to bear the burden. They are still keeping the car in Kiss' name too.
What a mess!
What a wayward solution!

Made Kiss mad when we suggested it was a bad idea.

He never got a free pass, he just chose to ignore solid advice to ditch the car, even if it meant at a loss! grumble






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Wow, I'm gone for ages, and what has changed? What has improved?

I dunno...but the same crickets are back.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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He was doing well for a while, and then that bad day/night happened...


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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"My sister is coming up the 27th of February and I am driving back down to Florida with her.Then I'm flying back a couple of days later." This sounds to me like a vacation without his wife.

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The driving to Florida is not a vacation. I am driving my sister back to Florida with my car she is buying off of me. Her friend was supposed to go back with her and can't. She also just found out a couple of weeks ago that she is pregnant. I hate driving an hour to the city let alone driving for 24 hours. I also asked RQ if would be ok if I stayed for a couple of days to see my parents as they live a couple of minutes away from my sister. How can I go all the way down their and fly right back without seeing my parents? I'm not at some resort sitting on a beach drinking Margaritas. If it wasn't for the damn car I wouldn't be going.

We are looking to move to Florida in the summer. So does it mean that if RQ wants to fly back to NY to see her parents and I don't want to come she can't see her parents or family?

It was something that we used POJA. She had no problem with me giving the car to my sister and she was O.K. with me driving it down to Florida. If she is posting negative things on her thread about it then she is not following the policy of radical honesty. I believe that she has a problem telling me how she feels. The text from her sister in law was that it was the end of the world and her response to me was more that we just need to get back on track and continue to follow the program. RQ was been very sick now for almost a week so that has put a damper on things as she hasn't been in the mood to do much or even move around to much. She has been going to the doctor and going for X-rays and blood work tomorrow. I pray that it is just a stomach virus or bug that won't go away.

I got a text message blasting me yesterday from her sister in law and when I called RQ and questioned her about the content she said it was nothing like that and that she didn't like how we haven't been doing much or spending enough time together. I know a big part of it is my job because I have been working a lot of 9 am till 8 pm shifts witch I hate. I told her that once we move to Florida and my schedule doesn't get better I will look for another job. Something with better hours.

KISS

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POJA: Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement with your spouse.

Kiss and RQ may POJA to eat a dozen donuts a day. Most people would consider that a bad idea.

If they both enthusiastically agree then what is the problem?

DR Harley days never spend a night away from your spouse ESPECIALLY after an affair. So that is a lack of precautions.

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Was it enthusiastic or was it a simple yes or sure in order to avoid conflict? That is the question that needs be asked. As for seeing your family a couple of days that shouldn't happen. You shouldn't be away overnight for too long. If your parents don't understand then leave them be your focus should be on your wife who you hurt and dishonored with your affair.

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Kiss, POJA isn't set in stone. If at any point, either party no longer feels enthusiastic about it, then it is renegotiated. Also, just because the two of you agreed to something, doesn't mean that it is the best idea for your marriage. Swingers routinely agree to have multiple affairs with multiple people, but that would NEVER be okay on THIS site. It would be something that would RUIN their marriage.

What if tomorrow, RQ came to you and said she no longer wanted you to move to Florida? You would need to POJA again. And the fact that that car is staying in your family is sickening. Now, when you DO move, RQ gets to see your sister driving around in the skankmobile. That is going to trigger her so much, it's maddening that you don't see that.

It seems to me that you like to wield MB as a weapon AGAINST RQ. you need to cut that out. It's ridiculous that you don't know some of the basics of MB. Like the fact that you aren't supposed to spend ONE NIGHT APART FROM YOUR SPOUSE FOR ANY REASON.

It seems by your above post that your job is more important than your wife. Your sister is more important than your wife. Your parents are more important than your wife. Until you change THIS, your marriage is going to go down the tubes. Your job has ALWAYS been a problem, and really since you had an affair at your workplace, it should have been gone by now. Your are killing your marriage by a death of a thousand cuts. We posters see it happening, and we are jumping up and down, telling you what is going to happen, and you keep turning a blind eye. Come on. Do you WANT to lose your family? Because that's exactly what your ACTIONS are screaming here.

GET ON BOARD WITH MB FULLY, or get a divorce. It would be much less painful to all parties involved if you made that decision sooner, rather than later.


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I see. It seems that nothing is more important to Kiss than Kiss.

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Quote
I am driving my sister back to Florida with my car she is buying off of me.
It's not worth it if it's causing a problem with RQ. Why don't you just put the damned thing on Craigslist and unload it on a stranger? That might be wiser than keeping it in the family anyway.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Seriously, Kiss-
Have you privately asked RQ the following Yes or No question...
Please do and come back with the answer...

RQ, are you Enthusiastic about keeping that car in the family?

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Originally Posted by DidntQuit
Seriously, Kiss-
Have you privately asked RQ the following Yes or No question...
Please do and come back with the answer...

RQ, are you Enthusiastic about keeping that car in the family?

He already said that they used POJA and reached an enthusiastic agreement.

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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by DidntQuit
Seriously, Kiss-
Have you privately asked RQ the following Yes or No question...
Please do and come back with the answer...

RQ, are you Enthusiastic about keeping that car in the family?

He already said that they used POJA and reached an enthusiastic agreement.

JK,

She's never been enthusiastic about any part of this situation other than getting rid of the car that KISS had sex in. She's desperate to see it gone and willing to sacrifice to see it happen.

Kiss understands VERY WELL that they are not to spend nights away from each other! You need only read his thread about RQ planning a trip with family to see he KNOWS what he's doing.

RQ can cancel flight plans but not KISS!

He's still full of himself!

Please don't buy into the con & spin going on here!






Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Please don't buy into the con & spin going on here!

Well, this sentence at least I can agree with!

Yes, there are HUGE efforts at spin and re-statement going on the on combination of RQ's and K's threads - most of it by supposedly "objective" posters. It was NOT RQ that raised the far-fetched concern that IF Sis gets the car, and IF the K/RQ family moves to Florida, and IF RQ sees Sis in the car, won't she possibly be upset? They had an agreement on handling the car, but now posters here are unilaterally deciding on the level of enthusiasm RQ had, not NOW, but when the decision was reached in December(?)!

These two folks have about as dysfunctional a still-not-separated relationship as we've seen here recently, and the bulk of the contributions seem intent on keeping it that way, IMHO!

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Stop the presses - I agree with NG.

I might be wrong, but I don't recall RQ voicing any negative opinion on the car staying with the sister. So the idea that KISS is doing something wrong, per se, by selling the car to her is not necessarily in line with their actual agreement.

I agree, though, that determining NOW whether there is actual POJA is going to be quite difficult, as both seem to be fair stuck on seeing the other as "wrong".

Sad.

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I think the concern was that it might trigger RQ because they plan to move near where the car will be used, and it kind of snowballed from there.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Stop the presses - I agree with NG.

No fair, Kerala! I know you wish for something awful to happen to me, but trying to CAUSE a cardiac event with surprises like this seems like cheating!

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