I she ever comes out of the FOG and commits to MB, I will show her the forum on here and she can see a self reflection of how she was(is). That would be too good to be true, maybe the OM will migrate to a new partner soon and burst her bubble.

Quick update here. Last night, WW acknowledged that POSOM has now moved on, which I suspect was about 3 weeks ago. Since he was a temporary employee, he is assigned to work somewhere else, and is no doubt working on destroying someone elses marriage.
She is still pressing on with the divorce, and said that as far as she is concerned, we have not had a good marrage in the last 15 years, and she does not like me, in addition to a rant about the exposure and how she thinks it hurt me more than her etc etc. All this cafter I cooked dinner and had it ready for her when she got home from working late. I also left a nice note for her in her car yesterday saying that I believed in her which I think she liked.
She behaved as predicted at the therapy session last week, she totally sabotaged the session by saying "it is over" etc. The therapist liked my MB plan, but said clearly you are not to a point where you can both agree to start working on it.

I am continuing to work the plan A carrot and stick plan,and continue to improve, although with her controlling the divorce process, it does not seem as effective - If I was to go back and do anything differently, it would have been to file for divorce first.

Whave a busy few days coming up, where our kids are in the HS play the next 3 nights and have a regional swim meet on Saturday, so we will be spending a lot of time together.

I am continuing to reinforce the recovery plan in the SAA book as being the path to restore integrity, and she is digging her heels in on the "its finished" approach, although clearly I am thinking that she is questioning he own judgement? - comments ?

She probably is. Keep up your LB deposits as per plan A. Don't talk about the divorce at all. Plan A like a rockstar!

Thanks B - I could use some coaching - plan A is totally counter-intuitive for me and is not easy. In her rant, she went out of her way to be nasty. She told me that I am isolated, that she feels people will be avoiding me because of the exposure, she talked to my family in Scotland and says they agree with her divorce filing ( total nonsense) with some Fyou's thrown in along the way. Her behaviour might be consistent with the "symptoms of withdrawal" section in the SAA book, wher Dr Harley says "anger towards a betrayed spouse are ovwerwhelming".

Since POSOM has been out of the picture for 3 weeks, this is a possible scenario, although they may still be in contact.

My response to her was, something like " You know I am concerned for your health, the fact that you feel that you need to make these kind of statements says a lot more about you than about me" also " I think you should get somehelp - the fact that you have been taking St Johns Wart pills, indicates that you yourself think you have some issues, why not get some help from a professional?" Probably not plan A'ish things to say, but I think appropriate, considering how nasty she portrayed me at the therapy session a few days earlier. Anyway, we still sleep in the same bed - woke up the next day like the conversation never happened.

As far as the divorce process is concerned, I have rejected the "mutual consent" part of the process, so that means that absent any other cause in the complaint, she will have to wait 24 Months total from filing for the divorce. I think her intention then will be to go for a separation agreement with division of assets, which will enable her to leave and buy a house.

One other issue that I have is I think her sister is doing some more meddling. We had a good valentines day dinner ( she asked me) had some good conversation etc., the next day she went to visit her sister ( who left her husband several years ago for a wayward relationhip), and came back hostile. My previous contact with her sister was when she told WW that the furniture and appliances from my deceased MIL's house are in storage for when she leaves me - nice !

Anyway WW is still adamant on the divorce - non repentant about the affair, and says she can't wait to get away from me so that she can "do what she wants"

One other thing I forgot to mention, as a result of the last status conference, I now have a court order telling me to discontinue the exposure communications. The exposure was completed a long time ago, but has anyone else gotten a court order like this ?

Mr BS will cease and desist from sending letters or otherwise communicating with Mrs WW employers, co-workers, friends, family and acquantances regarding what he alleges is her immoral conduct with a co-worker.

Did you get everyone important? By this point the exposure is likely only spread by word of mouth...

POSOM is gone - I like to think that the exposure helped ! but he has moved on to another job, and WW says the A is over. Of course at this point there is no commitment to recover, NC or any of the steps outlined in the SAA book. But the exposure was extensive and as complete as it could be.

Sounds like you got her work, too. When you get to court, be sure to have an explanation ready -- doubtless they will use this order against you and say that you're crazy.

Something, of course, along the lines of defending your marriage and exposure being the quickest way to do so.

The most important thing - - He no longer works there, whether that was his choice, or he was asked to move as a result of the affair I may never know. Whether the affair died a natural death (* 8 months +/-) or whether the exposure put pressure on it, or whether they are still in contact ? I would like to know, but with WW's current attitude, I am not going to find out any time soon.

I know I am a ways away from this, but if the situation comes up at some point that WW wants to repair our marriage, I have drafted some EP's - I would appreciate any comments:

Marriage Healing Plan
1. No Contact Letter to Affair Partner must witness it being written and mailed.
2. Full disclosure of all affairs had since marriage � confirmed by Polygraph testing
3. After above � affairs never mentioned again.
4. Cell phone number changed
5. New email address
6. Commit to �Rule of Protection� POJA on all decisions, no DJ�s, AO�s
7. Commit to �Rule of Care� Identify top emotional needs
8. Commit to �Rule of Time� 20+ hours per week of UA time spent on above needs including SF, RC, Affection, Conversation.
9. Commit to Rule of Honesty� we will have access to each other cell phones, email, computers with passwords for Social Networking and banking.
10. No more opposite sex friendships, No more inappropriate flirting with opposite sex
11. Review the plan monthly and make corrections as needed.
12. Use the MB forum as needed for added help and coaching.

These are good.

What were the conditions that allowed her affair? These must be changed.
Recovery After an Affair

BH - Good question,She developed a friendship with a male co-worker, she has a part time job after work on an as needed basis which was ideal "cover". I should add that the part time job must go - and also consider that she change her regular full time job, since they were not very responsive to the exposure.

Exactly.

How did she communicate with him? Phone? Email? Facebook?

I think it was texting, and maybe through email and/or Facebook, she has kept her cell phone and computer close to her side since d-day.

The new lawyer that I am working with seems very good (tough) I think there might be a possibility of WW reconsidering recovery once she knows what she is dealing with, but we'll see if and when that happens.

I say 0 social media. Since they used that to communicate.

Good point - she spends hours per day on Facebook - to the exclusion of a lot of other things.

Well she didn't like being exposed did she?
I was threatened by my ex wife that her boyfriend would "sue" me for exposing his adultery but it was only an empty threat.

We (us betrayed spouses) all go through a list of conditions as we hope.
As someone that has been there my advice is to focus on the immediate issues and not even think about recovery.
Immediate issues: plan A until divorce. Then what is your plan? To continue plan A or enter into plan B?
Immediate issue 2: remember that divorce is war

If I were Southpaw, that would bring a huge grin to my face. Talk about closing the barn door after the horse has bolted.

Tad bit late for trying to mitigate the exposure damage at this point.

This is actually amusing.

Hell, kind of makes me wonder what the judge was thinking. Just how does a court order unring this bell?