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Originally Posted By: pokerface

Originally Posted By: Marriage Builders Radio

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.


Here is how you can ask Dr Harley questions on the radio broadcast. Do you listen to the show?


Thanks PF. I have listened to the show a few times. Right now I am just in Plan A and enjoying some peace. I am happy that I did not cause the drama yesterday with clothes and exchange of boys. I am not going to file the D.

I am reading Mywifeilove's thread and am learning that I need to be STILL!! I can't fix this overnight and need to SLOW DOWN.

That is a huge change for me, but part of my recovery.


ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
Joined: Feb 2010
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Hang in there FG. I could not help but think of you and pray for you and your family yesterday at a church service. I am glad you are resting and finding some amount of peace.

If you don't mind I'd like to mention what the priest brought up yesterday. I am always amazed when I go to church how the word of God is so relevant. The reading was the story of the Protocol son. The Protocol son had taken off with his portion of his fathers inheritance and squandered it horribly. He finally hits bottom. He realized his Dad's servants were likely eating better them him at that point. He was very hungry and uncertain if his father would have him back. He figured he'd ask to merely be treated like one of his fathers servants. He did not expect much.

But his father was joyful and welcomed him home. He even ordered a big party and treated his son with honor and respect. But his brother was very upset by his fathers actions towards his brother. He asked his father why he could be so generous when his brother had squandered everything. And he was upset his father had never thrown a party for him. He had never given his father trouble and had been dutiful all along. (the taker and giver are seriously at work in these passages)

The priest explained the Protocol son likely felt compelled to return to his father because he had understood even when he left under horrible circumstances his father loved and cared for him.

The priest gave us the insight the story is about shame, mercy and judgement. We all experience them in our lives. Each of the characters in the parable represents one of the the three. Protocol son=shame. Father=mercy. other son=judgement. Like the giver and taker in us all.

I can appreciate MB gives us great insight in how to affectively manage each of these experiences in the face of a great betrayal: shame, mercy and judgement. Both plan A and Plan B includes mercy as the father shows. And while the father shows his mercy the other son represents the mirror opposite of mercy--- judgement-- and likely includes the other instincts selfish demands and angry outbursts too. I love the way the story is very specific as far as how the wayward and betrayed manages their shame which goes along w/MB. The father does not dwell on the son's shame much like Dr Harley does not want the betrayed spouse to dwell on the affair when the wayward come home. (not so easy to do)

I like what the priest said today: " When you think of it, the protical son was really looking for more of what he already had. He had it there all the time but he wandered off as most of us do at times to look for happiness that we think will fill us. Only when we realize that it just can't be found any other place-we come home to God and to those who live in God."

FG, I pray you can rest in God's mercy today.

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The "protocol" son evidently was either in the diplomatic service, or a software programmer! smile

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Originally Posted By: graceful2b
Hang in there FG. I could not help but think of you and pray for you and your family yesterday at a church service. I am glad you are resting and finding some amount of peace.

If you don't mind I'd like to mention what the priest brought up yesterday. I am always amazed when I go to church how the word of God is so relevant. The reading was the story of the Protocol son. The Protocol son had taken off with his portion of his fathers inheritance and squandered it horribly. He finally hits bottom. He realized his Dad's servants were likely eating better them him at that point. He was very hungry and uncertain if his father would have him back. He figured he'd ask to merely be treated like one of his fathers servants. He did not expect much.

But his father was joyful and welcomed him home. He even ordered a big party and treated his son with honor and respect. But his brother was very upset by his fathers actions towards his brother. He asked his father why he could be so generous when his brother had squandered everything. And he was upset his father had never thrown a party for him. He had never given his father trouble and had been dutiful all along. (the taker and giver are seriously at work in these passages)

The priest explained the Protocol son likely felt compelled to return to his father because he had understood even when he left under horrible circumstances his father loved and cared for him.

The priest gave us the insight the story is about shame, mercy and judgement. We all experience them in our lives. Each of the characters in the parable represents one of the the three. Protocol son=shame. Father=mercy. other son=judgement. Like the giver and taker in us all.

I can appreciate MB gives us great insight in how to affectively manage each of these experiences in the face of a great betrayal: shame, mercy and judgement. Both plan A and Plan B includes mercy as the father shows. And while the father shows his mercy the other son represents the mirror opposite of mercy--- judgement-- and likely includes the other instincts selfish demands and angry outbursts too. I love the way the story is very specific as far as how the wayward and betrayed manages their shame which goes along w/MB. The father does not dwell on the son's shame much like Dr Harley does not want the betrayed spouse to dwell on the affair when the wayward come home. (not so easy to do)

I like what the priest said today: " When you think of it, the protical son was really looking for more of what he already had. He had it there all the time but he wandered off as most of us do at times to look for happiness that we think will fill us. Only when we realize that it just can't be found any other place-we come home to God and to those who live in God."

FG, I pray you can rest in God's mercy today.


Appreciate the prayers and encouragement G2B.


ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
Joined: Feb 2010
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Your welcome FG. There is another story biblical that stood out for me also explained by this priest during the ups and downs and despair of living in wayward despair. I heard this version 3 years ago after I found out my husband had a one sided EA and was not in love with me. These lenten stories during a betrayal come to life!

It was the story of Lazarus. Jesus friend. Lazarus dies and is buried in a tomb (cave) wrapped in a burial cloth like a mummy. He is decaying away. But Jesus to Laz's mourning friends surprise 'wakes' Lazarus up from the dead.

Lowdown: The priest likened Lazarus's resurrection from the dead to our resurrections from emotional deaths. He suggested as children we tend to 'hide' out in caves emotionalIy say when we are pouting or hurt, maybe go to our rooms and sulk. But as adults these caves become tombs and we wall ourselves off from one another emotionally. MB is a form of being called out by Christ from our tombs. But of course there is still work to do as the priest suggestd even after this resurrection.(find out spouse unfaithful, not in love etc) We have to take off the bindings we've been wrapped in. (new habits) I guess this is the part where the lovebank and love busters etc comes in. It seems we depend on one another to remove these bindings. (Lazarus friends had to remove the cloths as we support each other here) The priest said these bindings get pretty attached from being in the tomb. Its cynicism, fear, anger etc. And from the outside we have people like Martha expressing doubts even when Christ is expressing love and a plan. Sound familiar?


BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren

"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
The "protocol" son evidently was either in the diplomatic service, or a software programmer! smile
rotflmao
g2b it's "prodigal" for future tellings. Bad NG naughty


Me BW: 30
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Kindly holster thy finger, BP. Colleague g2b now is in possession of knowledge she previously had not.

As G.K. Chesterton wrote, "Whether a man chooses to tell the truth in long sentences or short jokes is a problem analogous to whether he chooses to tell the truth in French or German."

It would seem jokes, and French, are less intrusive, n'est-ce pas?

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FLGuy, can you answer this next question honestly? If you were to permanently separate, and possibly divorce from your WW, would you want only 50/50 custody? It isn't bad to want to spend some time without your children. There are many people who would prefer to have some time away. It would just help with knowing what your goals are.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Protocol! Hmmmm, that's funny. I can't believe I misspelled it.

Prodigal, prodigal, prodigal....

I'm cross-eyed at work w/ HR manuals. I'm going home!

Just came across a really funny "Irish blessing/curse" -could be used for OM/OW. Let me know if you want to hear. Don't want to keep preaching and made fun of around here!....


BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren

"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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Originally Posted By: Scotland
FLGuy, can you answer this next question honestly? If you were to permanently separate, and possibly divorce from your WW, would you want only 50/50 custody? It isn't bad to want to spend some time without your children. There are many people who would prefer to have some time away. It would just help with knowing what your goals are.


I would would want 100% custody but the boys need to see their Mom. So I would accept a 50/50 joint custody. I think that is in the best interest of the boys.

WW just called and put boys on the phone to say goodnight. She was all business... At least I was able to speak to them and there was no drama for today.

I just don't understand how you go from talking to someone EVERY day for 15 years and one day you don't want to talk to them again? Who does that??

G2B - don't hold back. Your posts today helped a lot.

MrW - I finished reading MyWifeILove's thread today and it provided me so much help and understanding. If you could provide me another thread to read next that would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everybody!!


ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
Joined: Oct 2010
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Originally Posted By: graceful2b
Protocol! Hmmmm, that's funny. I can't believe I misspelled it.

Prodigal, prodigal, prodigal....

I'm cross-eyed at work w/ HR manuals. I'm going home!

Just came across a really funny "Irish blessing/curse" -could be used for OM/OW. Let me know if you want to hear. Don't want to keep preaching and made fun of around here!....



At least it wasn't your proctilogical son!


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted By: Floridaguy
Originally Posted By: Scotland
FLGuy, can you answer this next question honestly? If you were to permanently separate, and possibly divorce from your WW, would you want only 50/50 custody? It isn't bad to want to spend some time without your children. There are many people who would prefer to have some time away. It would just help with knowing what your goals are.


I would would want 100% custody but the boys need to see their Mom. So I would accept a 50/50 joint custody. I think that is in the best interest of the boys.


WW just called and put boys on the phone to say goodnight. She was all business... At least I was able to speak to them and there was no drama for today.

I just don't understand how you go from talking to someone EVERY day for 15 years and one day you don't want to talk to them again? Who does that??

G2B - don't hold back. Your posts today helped a lot.

MrW - I finished reading MyWifeILove's thread today and it provided me so much help and understanding. If you could provide me another thread to read next that would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everybody!!


FG,

Remember she is foggy...no expectations. It does seem crazy but speaking from a FWWs point of view, they are not thinking about anything but themselves and until she comes out of the fog she is an alien. Your wife is in there somewhere and hopefully she shines through with time.

Again, you are doing great! I check in everyday just to see how you are doing.

G2B - I loved your bible story! One I forgot about but always enjoy hearing. I mix up and spell words wrong all of the time. It is especially embarrassing in a classroom full of high schoolers. Imagine accidentally putting the word pubic on your Power Point slide instead of public.


Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11

Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
Originally Posted By: graceful2b
Protocol! Hmmmm, that's funny. I can't believe I misspelled it.

Prodigal, prodigal, prodigal....

I'm cross-eyed at work w/ HR manuals. I'm going home!

Just came across a really funny "Irish blessing/curse" -could be used for OM/OW. Let me know if you want to hear. Don't want to keep preaching and made fun of around here!....



At least it wasn't your proctilogical son!

That sounds like something I would type.


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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I didn't spell it right, either.

Bah, even my prog note program has spell check!


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
I didn't spell it right, either.

Bah, even my prog note program has spell check!

Actually, if you think about it, it's the perfect typo for this.


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Originally Posted By: Viper
Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
I didn't spell it right, either.

Bah, even my prog note program has spell check!

Actually, if you think about it, it's the perfect typo for this.


I suppose, butt, it should have been proctological.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
Originally Posted By: Viper
Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
I didn't spell it right, either.

Bah, even my prog note program has spell check!

Actually, if you think about it, it's the perfect typo for this.


I suppose, butt, it should have been proctological.

LOL


Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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No offense taken by anyone. Glad we are having fun with the miss. Butt how did we go from a bible story to toilet talk?:)

And here is the Irish curse I thought could be used on OM or OW! :

"May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope"

I loved it. Our business got a bad review today from what we believe is a disgruntled employee disguising as a customer and yelp won't remove. I'm wishing I could post this back!

FG, your wife's indifference is haunting. Its a weird normal from the fog affect. I hate to tell you how long I dealt with fog. It would likely really depress you even more. Their fog affects you too and its easy to get caught up and confused which end is up. Keep coming here. If you are thinking about D or giving up plan A call the coaching center and Steve or Jennifer will give you a renewal. Its hard to do what you need to do to get the results you want if you are no longer motivated to follow the plan or are confused. That's what a coach is for. Counseling as they like to say here has a different objective. Lawyers might have their own objective too. And so on.

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Originally Posted By: graceful2b
No offense taken by anyone. Glad we are having fun with the miss. Butt how did we go from a bible story to toilet talk?:)

And here is the Irish curse I thought could be used on OM or OW! :

"May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope"

I loved it. Our business got a bad review today from what we believe is a disgruntled employee disguising as a customer and yelp won't remove. I'm wishing I could post this back!

FG, your wife's indifference is haunting. Its a weird normal from the fog affect. I hate to tell you how long I dealt with fog. It would likely really depress you even more. Their fog affects you too and its easy to get caught up and confused which end is up. Keep coming here. If you are thinking about D or giving up plan A call the coaching center and Steve or Jennifer will give you a renewal. Its hard to do what you need to do to get the results you want if you are no longer motivated to follow the plan or are confused. That's what a coach is for. Counseling as they like to say here has a different objective. Lawyers might have their own objective too. And so on.


Thanks G2B. No D plans. Plan A is for me.


ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 195
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Not much to report. WW texted me last night to let me know boys were doing great! They were having so much fun...

Well, well, well...I get a call from WW this AM stating the D5's school called and he has diarrhea and WW asked if I could pick him up and watch him today. She also mentioned that D6 also had diarrhea yesterday. ( But I thought they were doing great??). I told her I would pick up D5 from school.

When I got to school the teacher said that D5 was not feeling well yesterday and he was crying and had an upset stomach. I Took him home, gave a bath, feed a banana and water and tucked him in bed with the xbox.

I am to pick up D6 today from school and drop of at IL's at 7 so I will see WW tonight.

The past few days I have been feeling good and reading Mortarman's thread. Just going to be patient and Plan A when I can.


ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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