That's a really great idea. X2 on that suggestion.

You guys are reading my mind!! I felt so angry ('cause I had given a ton of ground and he was still haggling over little stuff) that I took it all the way back to what is legally due to me. He now owes me tons more - because I'm using the state-mandated formulas rather than his 'made up' ones. ($15,000)

We might have to litigate, but at this point it will be totally worth it. Even if I spent $5k in court, I'd still come out $10K ahead. And he'll spend $5k in court and still have to pay me the $15k.

Also, he may not realize this yet but we are married filing separately - and all the itemized deductions (house, etc) are in my name only. So he'll have nothing to claim and will have to pay $6000 in taxes this year. I'll pay $250. I was thinking about splitting the taxes with him this year (file jointly) but now there's no way.

Stopping his abusive behavior last year would have been a more cost-effective option for him.

Dang. I feel so much better.

...not to mention that if he'd taken the deal at the mediator's he would've only paid me $11k and fewer legal fees. AND I would have probably felt guilty/soft-hearted and helped him with the taxes.
Those AOs are getting expensive!!

He would have done that if he could have but he was unable to. Now he is trying to spin out the settlement with Plan Obstruct. This has nothing to do with money.

True, and I would add the word "unable" to the "unwilling." His venom has suprised me: He really believes that he's the innocent party here. This completely blows my mind. Heard an interesting analogy of abusers: "Someone who sees that his face is dirty and starts washing the mirror."

Today's court appearance came and went without a settlement. So now we'll ramp up for a June trial.

And the kids and I leave for vacation in 3 days - whoopie!!!

Have fun!

Thank you NED!

Have a wonderful trip Z!

Wow! Love this.

Z, how are you doing today?

Hi there, Daisy and all!

We're back from a fabulous week in the Caribbean. The kiddos and I had a great time in the warm island sun. It was so relaxing to be together, just our little family.

And today I got the news that my STBxh accepted the settlement I proposed last week before we left. He's going to pay me 1/2 of what I'm truly owed, but I don't have to pay any more legal fees or fight a long court battle. That's worth the $7.5k to me.

So, it looks like this saga is drawing to a close. Whew!

I'll keep y'all posted on the progress.

Thanks Logan! We did have fun.

We zip-lined over Antigua, seg-wayed around St. Lucia, and shopped in San Juan...we even had time for naps every day, and nobody got sunburnt.

I remember our cruise last year with my STBxh, and it wasn't nearly as relaxing or fun. He sort of dominated everything - not intentionally I'm sure - but he has a way of controlling every moment. This vacation was completely different and just what we needed.

We're blessed.

I know what you mean.......the kids and I have a wonderful time as well.....we actually have alot of fun now taking vacations! We leave for our trip in about a week.

It sounds like you had a wonderful time! I am so giddy for you!

Thanks Logan!
Hooray for you too! Have FUN!!!

So I was told yesterday that my H has been wearing his wedding ring at work and acting like nothing unusual has happened. He's even lied about not attending certain work events because of family commitments - with us! He just took off his ring and told people two weeks ago.

I am completely baffled by this behavior. He wasn't wearing the ring when I saw him at the mediator (the only time I've seen him or talked to him in 4 months). And he was ultra-belligerent that day. He's also already found and made an offer to purchase a house - all indications that he had totally moved on.

I can only assume that he is so concerned about his reputation that he pretended all was well. He is a chameleon, putting on whatever character he wants to portray: To me, a blaming man who thinks I am the cause of all the problems and he's glad to move on. To people at work, a poor husband suddenly abandoned by his wife? Who knows.

I must admit that this brings me fresh sadness, and a wish that he had gotten some help. I wanted a great marriage with him but he wouldn't stop controlling and abusing us.

Marriage is much more than wearing a wedding ring. Sigh.

Well tonight was fun - in fact the whole weekend was fun! The kids and I ate out, took along their little friends, saw a couple of movies, and tonight we have another friend over.

It's so lovely to have a happy, free household. I enjoy doing things that make my kiddos happy, and no "competition" or fear of upsetting anyone.

And I LOVE being on my own. It's addictive, I'm telling ya. Only a few moments of loneliness here and there.

Still no word on the final settlement - I hope to see it from my attorney soon. I want this done!

Z, I understand the sadness. I thought he had gotten some temporary help at one point. What happened?

A friend of mine told me to plan on 2 years, so far she has been right. I am yet to see a cent and have been divorced for a year after a 5 year legal battle.

Remember not to breathe a word about your settlement problems to your children, tempting but do not do it.

Enjoying IB as well. It is like a breath a fresh air.

I don't know - I have little contact with him (last email I received was three weeks ago and focused on the settlement - I referred him to the attorneys instead of to me). I am just living my life and moving on. There are times of sadness, and I guess that's just part of the process.

I try not to dig or ask for information - but I heard about the ring thing from an acquaintance, and (to my shame) asked more questions. It really only gave me pause/pain for a few hours, but enough to stay away from the topic next time!

"Curiosity killed the cat" eh?

OUCH! So sorry, Living Well.

Good advice not to tell the children anything. It IS tempting, and I won't breathe a word about it. Better to tell my girlfriends, who help me laugh at the drama anyway!