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I wouldn't confess to your wife right now.
It would just justify her actions.

I encourage you to stay away from bars and alcohol and really get into the Church.
Alcohol and sluts won't help
Your mind.

And exercise. That helps your mind and body.

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This is the problem that Dr Harley warns about separation.
There is such a high possibility that spouses will end up having affairs while separated.

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Florida I just read your farewell letter and it's very similar to your last farewell letter.
You seem to swing back and forth quickly.
You make out with a slut on a dance floor, then go to Mass.
You are dedicated to Plan A, then don't care if your wife is commuting adultery.

Can you explain what "work on me" actually means?
How do you work on yourself? Diet and exercise don't require 100% dedication of your time.

Would you be satisfied if your wife moves in with a drunk and your kid is spending 50% of the time with the drunk? Because that is a possibility if you get divorced.

If your uncle is involved in organized crime is he willing to help you deal with the OM? Have you talked to your uncle about it?

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Originally Posted By: Jedi_Knight
I wouldn't confess to your wife right now.
It would just justify her actions.

I encourage you to stay away from bars and alcohol and really get into the Church.
Alcohol and sluts won't help
Your mind.

And exercise. That helps your mind and body.




At this point, it's win or lose.


If he confesses RIGHT AWAY, it could; allow her to justify.


OR; it could slap her in the face with the fact that her husband isn't going to sit around pining for her and being her... hmmm.... yeah.


It's a screw up, and the risk that she tells him to stick it is high... but keeping quiet isn't going to make things better.


I'm actually quite shocked that you would tell a wayward to withhold information...


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Hey floridaguy. I am really glad to see that you are making so many wonderful improvements and changes (OK, sans the dance partner.) I am really glad to read that you have returned to mass. God IS working in your life right now. Just keep on this path turning to Him, and working on contining to work on yourself and trying to be the lighthouse. Always keep your eyes on the prize - whatever that might be or change to!

No more hoochies for YOU!!! hehehe


BS Me 47,WH 49
DS's x3 17, 10, 7
Multiple D-Days
No disclosure by WH. No EP's, no transparency, no guilt or remorse either.
Plan C DOES NOT WORK!
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Oh Florida Guy. Did you tell that girl you were making out with that you are MARRIED and you are determined to win your wayward wife back by being the very best man you can possibly be ????

I'm guessing you forgot to tell her that part....since she willingly gave you her number instead of slapping you in the face....

You have to confess to your WIFE whom you are still MARRIED to, that you are sucking face with some chick in public on the dance floor for the whole world to see.

Egads.


me: FWW/BW
Married 20 years, 4 kids
We made it.
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It's been said. You messed up what's your plan now? To avoid the harsh reality you created or to continue posting hear with a plan? I don't know if you should tell her or not about your make out session with this floozy. I do know you should have a plan and right now your plan is like your WWs. "To have a good feeling now that is fleeting than have a good feeling that is lasting." What's it gonna be bucko?

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Confessing to his wife is the RIGHT thing to do.

JK, I can't believe that you would be telling a WAYWARD SPOUSE to LIE. COme on, that's just ridiculous.

If a confession to BOTH your wife and children isn't forth coming, I will know the type of person I am dealing with.

The WHOLE post you wrote about the PHYSICAL AFFAIR is FULL of fog. I really hope that you decide to become a better person, and a FWS. Lemme know if I can help you achieve that.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I got the impression FloridaGuy was kidding about his uncle having mob connections. Regardless, your response, JediKnight, has me very confused. You recommended that FloridaGuy prioritize his relationship with God, but then you advised him to withhold information rather than follow the Policy of Radical Honesty. Then you wrote:

Originally Posted By: Jedi_Knight
If your uncle is involved in organized crime is he willing to help you deal with the OM? Have you talked to your uncle about it?

You were joking, right?

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Plan A involves not only strategic actions, it is also involves principled actions.
On the carrot/stick thread I suggested a way to offer the hope of forgiveness ....

Quote:
Offering forgiveness and understanding.

By this I mean .... suggesting to the confused foggy affair-addicted spouse that there is HOPE for the marriage even though what they are doing is awful ... there is a map leading to home

Often their thinking is thus: "It's too late now. I've done too much damage ... my spouse could never forgive me, so I might as well continue with the affair."

You, the sane spouse, need to squash that belief that they can never be forgiven for what they have done.
You do not need to forgive them right away, but offer them the hope of a future where all is forgiven.

You can word it something like this:

All of us do things we regret. When I think of some of my past mistakes, I am extremely grateful for having been forgiven by those I've hurt. I want to be in the position to offer you that same grace. I have been forgiven, so I understand what it feels like to be in a position where you hope forgiveness is possible. It is possible.


May I suggest you add something like the following:

"WW, I have been taught some very important lessons ever since I discovered your relationship with OM. I have learned that when one spouse feels neglected by the other spouse, there is temptation to have one's needs met outside the marriage. I understand that now. I slipped and allowed myself to kiss a woman I just met on a dance floor. I regret doing this. I am a married man. What I did was wrong. I am asking you, my wife, for forgiveness. I am deeply sorry for what I did. I am also deeply sorry for neglecting you in the marriage. Unfaithfulness is always wrong.There are no excuses for unfaithfulness, but there are reasons.
"


Principled actions. If you emerge from Plan A without having become a better man/woman .... you did it wrong.

Click to reveal..

This is what you repeat if she starts to babble ...

"Unfaithfulness is always wrong.There are no excuses for unfaithfulness, but there are reasons."


Last edited by Pepperband; 03/20/13 11:23 AM.
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Floridaguy,

You haven't given up on MB because you were hit with a few 2x4's have you? You were doing really great on your Plan A with a few mistakes here and there; all of us have made those. Don't give up you have this. Believe me I know what it feels like. My WW has had four affairs, two that I didn't know about till about a month ago and one I found out about 3 years ago and thought we recovered (false recovery, no exposure)and then another one that just ended in December. I have no expectations the same as you but I am trying to save my family. They say there is a fine line between love and hate but I don't think its hate I think it become indifference. She seems to not have a care for me in the world right now. Before I exposed her and told her I knew she asked me if I would still be her friend after a divorce. As someone said to either you or on another tread why would you want to be friends with someone that is so distant from you? But yet Im still working Plan A, I exposed her at the beginning of January and they have no contact since. The moral of my story is we all make mistakes in this program there is just too much emotion involved of a person to make ever right move. You made a mistake and the folks here called you on it. Now its time to get back to the game and play harder. Just think of it as youre the person that is trying to win the TV show Survivor, you have to be constantly vigilant and always planning ahead. You were very strategic for about two weeks there and I was really impressed. In fact you started making me feel like my Plan A wasnt strong enough and that I needed to step it up. Now its your turn, hopefully my words motivate you, as your words did the same for me. If not it might be time to talk to Steve again, he was able to re-motivate me after the hardest day of my life, finding out that what I thought was two As and it was actually four throughout the course of our marriage. If I can come back from that you can come back from this.


BH: 35 (Me)
WW: 34
DS: 2
D-Day: 27 Dec 12
Exposure: 4 Jan 13

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Stone, I believe FlGuy has disappeared ue to him being a wayward. This isn't about simple 2x4's


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted By: Stone10
Floridaguy,

You haven't given up on MB because you were hit with a few 2x4's have you? You were doing really great on your Plan A with a few mistakes here and there; all of us have made those. Don't give up you have this. Believe me I know what it feels like. My WW has had four affairs, two that I didn't know about till about a month ago and one I found out about 3 years ago and thought we recovered (false recovery, no exposure)and then another one that just ended in December. I have no expectations the same as you but I am trying to save my family. They say there is a fine line between love and hate but I don't think its hate I think it become indifference. She seems to not have a care for me in the world right now. Before I exposed her and told her I knew she asked me if I would still be her friend after a divorce. As someone said to either you or on another tread why would you want to be friends with someone that is so distant from you? But yet Im still working Plan A, I exposed her at the beginning of January and they have no contact since. The moral of my story is we all make mistakes in this program there is just too much emotion involved of a person to make ever right move. You made a mistake and the folks here called you on it. Now its time to get back to the game and play harder. Just think of it as youre the person that is trying to win the TV show Survivor, you have to be constantly vigilant and always planning ahead. You were very strategic for about two weeks there and I was really impressed. In fact you started making me feel like my Plan A wasnt strong enough and that I needed to step it up. Now its your turn, hopefully my words motivate you, as your words did the same for me. If not it might be time to talk to Steve again, he was able to re-motivate me after the hardest day of my life, finding out that what I thought was two As and it was actually four throughout the course of our marriage. If I can come back from that you can come back from this.


Thanks Stone. Truly thanks. I have been lurking just not posting. I really am deep in the fog now... I hope to post an update tomorrow then take my beating.


ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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Florida,
You write that you are in the fog.
Just remember Jesus is the Light of the world.
You took an important step in returning to Mass.

As you struggle with sin in your life I encourage you to read the Catechism and the Holy Bible.

Read about the martyred saints.

The Devil wants you to fail. He comes to destroy. Jesus came to give Life. Carry a shield of faith in your life to withstand the fiery darts of the Devil

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Floridaguy,

Don't give up your boys will suffer if both parents give up on the marriage. aside from still loving my wife my son and his future is what drives me. Use that as a focus.

While Jedi has great advice when it comes to faith I do feel that we have to masters of our own fate, faith will only get you so far you also need to ensure that you put your boundaries up higher and don't go anywhere or do anything that would temp you. Believe me half of me wants to say I'm done and start over but my son does not have that option. He has to live with what ever decision his parents come to. As his father I want the best for my little man. We already took him out of a bad situation and adopted him from a country where his life would have be much different. Even though he is in a much better place I feel that for him to grow into the man I hope he becomes someday I need to be and do the best for him.

I use this along with my love for my wife and a desire to help her break this wayward behavior as my guide.

Keep your faith up but also master your fate as much as you can. As other say clean your side of the street. Now get sweeping!


BH: 35 (Me)
WW: 34
DS: 2
D-Day: 27 Dec 12
Exposure: 4 Jan 13

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That's some seriously powerful stuff that revenge affair fog, nothing good will come of this. Just finished your thread, sorry to see waywards still follow the same script. Rooting for you to snap out of it.


FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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I have a fear of a ONS RA


FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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Originally Posted By: RMX
I have a fear of a ONS RA


Could anyone help with the acronym ONS? Thanks.


ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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One night stand.

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Thanks NG...

No ONS's. I have not spoke to the girl from the dance floor since that night. She did text to go out this weekend but I did not reply.

I have been texting and talking with another woman since Monday. It's scary how similar our texts resemble my WW's text with OM. OW is relentless for my attention. And things are moving way to fast for me.

I have not spoken to her since last night and will not EVER again.

So, where am I with my WW? Not really sure right now. My brief but wrong transgression last Sat has really put me in no man's land. I know that it was wrong but my confidence has never been better! It has spilled over into my Plan A with my WW like I never thought it would.

My new confidence oozes from me now when I speak to WW. Just like it did when we first dated. We now laugh EVERY TIME we speak. Here is a brief text from this AM:

To : WW
Date : 03/22/2013 08:22:08 AM
7 years ago you gave me the greatest gift in the world and I can never thank you enough for that and being such a great mom.... D7 keeps talking about a wrestling belt cake. Asked me this am if he was going to be able to wear the cake belt at the party... So um... You better work on that. :-)

To ME from : WW
Date : 03/22/2013 08:34:01 AM
We made two amazing little boys and they are the best gifts. You are a great dad too:-) I ordered him a wrestling belt cake...hopefully it turns out OK. They were a little skeptical about copy right but said it shouldn't be a problem. You also looked great Wednesday by the way wink

WW would have never even responded to that text 2 weeks ago. So, again I know what I did was wrong. But, this new confidence feels awesome... I have my swagger back! I have ZERO expectations now because I know that I will not be alone. If WW does not work out there will be 10 more lined up to take her place. It almost feels like I had to jump into the fog to grab my WW out of her fog. My FB is public and WW checks out my fb page every night according to the key-logger. WW is now a new POA that I intend to pursue. Right now she has put me in the "friend-zone" and I need to change that. Luckily we have a magnet between us (boys) that will always pull us together.

I am not going to talk/speak/kiss another woman until I am done with my plan A. I will confess the kiss to WW but not sure when/where. And now I really have ZERO expectations.

OK start swingin'.


Last edited by Floridaguy; 03/22/13 09:46 AM.

ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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