|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Member
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
I agree with TheRoad......your plate is full and your current children need your full attention.
Focus on them.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094 |
Not to be contrary but I would like to suggest that it's worth considering, after full research and some planning.
I had a full post but lost my connection (and the post). So to summarize what I had said, I think there are many positives that can come of caring for soemone in dire need. I also think foster programs and even foriegn exchange programs would be viable options.
opt
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
Fostering or exchange would be better ideas, because as the others put it, you do have a full plate. Adoption would take a ton of resources and you wouldn't have as much time to dedicate to your kids.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
I agree with TheRoad......your plate is full and your current children need your full attention.
Focus on them. X3. Jedi, I applaud your desire to care and nurture another soul, but I think you are too soon out of a huge life-shift with your divorce. I would suggest you not make any big life-altering decisions for a year or two, minimum.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094 |
I agree with TheRoad......your plate is full and your current children need your full attention.
Focus on them. X3. Jedi, I applaud your desire to care and nurture another soul, but I think you are too soon out of a huge life-shift with your divorce. I would suggest you not make any big life-altering decisions for a year or two, minimum. sounds wise, to wait a year or two. It is interesting how empowered one feels once you get organized and out of the drama of a dysfunctional/damaging relationship. I remember thinking I was coming out of a fog after the separation and divorce was behind me. With clarity comes a sense of wanting to share and possibly have a positive influence on those around us. opt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094 |
You're certainly having a positive impact on many here! I'm sure that's only a small example of what's going on in your life; there are a lot of things to be involved in a share your gifts -- perhaps things that don't carry such a lengthy time/emotional comittment for now. maybe you can work up to the fostering idea. For the record I think you'd be a great foster dad! Have you looked into the Bigbrother organization? opt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
No I haven't but I've become the neighborhood dad.
We always have kids over for Friday movie night and usually a kid goes with us skating during the week and hiking on the weekends, I also take kids to church
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
No I haven't but I've become the neighborhood dad.
We always have kids over for Friday movie night and usually a kid goes with us skating during the week and hiking on the weekends, I also take kids to church I would suggest you concentrate on continuing these activities for now. There may be a kid who needs you right now, and God is using you to help him/her through these activities. Stay open to that possibility.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Well spring break is approaching and we will be spending a couple days camping! http://www.nps.gov/cuga/index.htmI called the park ranger and reserved a cabin for the kids and I. It's only $10 a night! We hike in about 4 miles to get to it. Ive been taking the kids hiking every Saturday to get them prepared for camping and I'm so excited that spring is finally around the corner!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870 |
Awesome daddi Jedi..Your a Knight in my book
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,094 |
Jedi, I've read a couple of books about parenting; in the time since I was divorced (including one I read with NG). I was well advised by people here and other sources because they turned out to be filled with great wisdom and have helped me see parenting in a new and effective way. Most of the philosophy goes right along with MB principles, so I know it's on target. One common thread idea has been that divorced parents have some nasty habits when it comes to their individual parenting styles. They tend to act out of guilt and regret, and wind up coddling their kids into a state of spoiled dysfunction. I don't see you doing this. (unless you plan to carry 4 backpacks for 4 miles...).  I like the challenges you put forth for your kids to learn from and it seems to me you're smart enough to hold them accountable for themselves and instill responsibility, even in the midst of adversity. I applaud your latest plan and your efforts to do the right thing. opt
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Well spring break is approaching and we will be spending a couple days camping! http://www.nps.gov/cuga/index.htmI called the park ranger and reserved a cabin for the kids and I. It's only $10 a night! We hike in about 4 miles to get to it. Ive been taking the kids hiking every Saturday to get them prepared for camping and I'm so excited that spring is finally around the corner! Jedi, this is so cool! My kids are adults and still like to go cabin camping in the national parks. Make sure you find out about neat caves and natural formations to hike to see. And take plenty of pictures!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Okay. Boy I'm more nervous than when I sent the exposure letters!
Here we go.
I'm sending the letter now.
Sending copies to my 2 SIL that I have relationships with.
I removed an additional paragraph based on advice I received from another forum. Here is the final letter:
Dear ex MIL
I would like to thank you for your efforts to be involved in my children's lives.�
However when we recently picked you up in December to accompany us to the skating rink, there was a strong smell of alcohol on you. I suspect that you were intoxicated.�
Throughout my marriage to your daughter there were periods of sobriety followed by relapses.�
At this time we will no longer visit with you. Please do not call, write or make any attempt to contact the children or myself.�
I am open to re-establishing a relationship in the future if you maintain sobriety for at least a year and it is verified by a third party professional or sponsor (not a family member).�
The children and I love you and hope that you will do so.�
Respectfully�
JEDI Okay. I got a voicemail from MIL today. She said, "Hi Jedi. I know that you didn't want me to call you for a long time but I've kind of gone crazy lately. Can you please talk to me and let me know how the kids are doing. Even if you don't let me talk to them just let me know that they are happy and okay. I'm really ashamed " Question: based on the boundaries from the letter I sent her, I should not respond. Is that correct?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Shes called three times today.
Usually when she gets emotional is when she starts binge drinking.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Ex ww just called my cell phone and left a message.
I thought I had her blocked through sprint but apparently only text messages are blocked.
I deleted the message without listening to a single word of it.
I will try to get her blocked ASAP
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Okay I went to sprint online and I think that MIL and ww are now blocked from voice calls.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Are you like a crazy-magnet or something?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
The kids returned from visitation with ww and they said MIL was in hospital for "amnesia" ( which I interpret as more lies from ww to conceal alcoholism)
Based on prior experience I assume MIL got drunk and was taken to the hospital by ww.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780 |
So sad. So very very sad. While I respect your right to parent your children as you see fit, I would also see no harm in having a brief conversation with their grandmother to let her know they are doing well.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
1,139
guests, and
55
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
