Also, have you written NC letter to POSOM?

NC for life is what you have to do. Do not start the R unless you are serious about NC. Do not torture your H anymore.

You do realize what a POS a person is who would have an A with a M woman is..right? I hope you understand how A's happen..and that you chose to let him fill your LB..You do realize that anyone can fall in love with anyone if the conditions are right?

He was not your soul mate. He was your adultery partner. Nothing more.

Edit; The good news is that R after an A is not only possible but probable if your husband decides to participate and you follow MB program.

TF, this next part may very well seem like "piling on", but I think you need to look at yourself and your actions a great deal more severely.

It's finally dawning on you (maybe) of the damage your trickle-truth has caused your BH. If that were the only evidence of your lack of..courage? ownership? commitment?... it would be damaging enough. But it has been exacerbated by your actions HERE.

For post after post, the sage peers here were sure you were lying to us. US! We can't divorce you; we can't expose you; we, cannot demean you to your family and children! Yet you couldn't find the strength to tell us that the affair was so much more than emotional e-mails, or whatever! So to the one person you deceived for over four years, who quite probably has read this thread, how likely is it to be that now you have come absolutely clean to him who CAN do all those things in retribution?

You had better saddle up, my friend, and make repairing LftS your life's work, RIGHT NOW!

And each morning, wake up with a prayer on your lips that he is still there, giving you another day to attempt saving your union. Many, many, BHs would already be out the door.

My dear girl, you have no idea of the amount of damage all your *little lies* have caused.
Death by a thousand stab wounds.
A mountain of resentment.
Total destruction of trust.
Love bank robbery.

#1 You call around and find out how you are going to arrange your polygraph test. This is your homework assignment for now.


When you get at least 3 choices, you hand them over to your H and ask him to decide which one you will use.
YOU pay for this. You sell something if necessary.

Got it? No excuses. Any excuses will make you look like a big dope.

Him forgiving you is not your BIG problem. Stop talking about that.
His love bank for you is, or will soon be empty.
That is your BIG problem.

MB does not describe a "forgiveness bank". MB describes the love bank.

TF, I am having a knee-jerk reaction to the way you answered Pep's question. Because it is vague which to me is a red flag.

What is the exact date that you told BH everything, every last detail? January 20?

Ditto.
Exactly why SHE needs to arrange for and pay for her own polygraph testing.

Again, a little bit of a red flag because you specifically address what you are doing to meet your BH's needs with the exception of O&H -- despite the fact that it is listed as BH's #1 need and despite the fact that you have a history of trickle truth.

Have you read the MB articles on this topic?
Do you think you are having trouble being O&H?
What have you done to improve in this area?
How are you better meeting this need?

Trueform already passed a non-traditional polygraph ("non-traditional" because the polygraph examiner provided results for 3 different test questions, and 1 of those wasn't even a legitimate polygraph test question).

Oh. I'm officially confused.

Polygraph examiners usually recommend testing a single issue because the more issues tested, the less accurate the results. (This polygraph examiner tested 3 different issues.) Also, a polygraph is only valid when testing questions regarding a person's memory of something that occurred in the past. This polygraph examiner agreed to test a question which literally cannot be tested via polygraph (the third question). Also, Trueform said she kissed OM on the night in question, but the polygrapher did not detect deception when she answered "no" to the second question. (Trueform may have been excluding the kiss when she answered the question.) Here are the issues and responses from Trueform's polygraph:


Q. Has Trueform ever had sexual intercourse with any Om since your wedding day?
A. No

Q. Did Trueform have sexual contact with the OM on the night in question?
A. No

Q. Is LatefortheSky the only man Trueform wants to be married to?
A. Yes


My understanding is that Trueform and her husband (LatefortheSky) felt the polygraph proved that the details of her affair had been fully disclosed.

It looks like our suspicions were correct -- TF was being purposely vague because there was further contact after January 20 according to her BH's thread.


TF, it is VERY HARD for us to help you when you are being deceptive/not giving us all the information.

Had you told us that you had broken contact yet again we would have advised you to send a NC letter and helped you to fill in gap regarding EPs.

These are CRITICAL issues that need to be addressed moreso than a regular A because of the numerous broken NC and all of the trickle truth. I am not sure that you get that. Do you?

I also noticed that her husband said there was contact after Jan. 2012.

Both Trueform and her husband, LatefortheSky, got angry when I questioned the validity of their previous polygraph results. However, I still don't think those results were worth the paper they were written on. IMHO, Trueform should have a legitimate polygraph conducted by a certified professional.

The polygraph issue could be:

"Excluding the kiss Trueform already admitted to, has Trueform had sexual contact with anyone other than LatefortheSky since they've been married?"

* "Sexual contact" should be defined in advance.

Trueform: You previously explained that you knew your husband would be reading your thread, so you tried to answer questions in a way that was consistent with the story you'd told him. Although you already admitted that, you are still posting deceptive answers to questions. Why?

Sorry I have not been able to post for a while. We had a major water leak that affected just about every room in our home.

I spoke to the OM in Jan. of 2012 for the last time. I told him my husband knew of our contact and we should not have any communication again and that we may never talk again. I did text him not to reply to any text or email. That was 3/12. I told my husband about the 3/12 text a couple of weeks later.
I have not broken the NC since then. My BH has talked to the BS of the OM many times. He gave all of the info he had to her.

My BH and I have had more OH talks in the last few weeks then I think in our entire marriage. My Bh has been real great with his patience and love. He has gone up and down about if he wants to still be married to me. I have told him I am willing to do what ever it takes.

Regarding the poly this is exactly how the question was defined.

"Excluding the kiss Trueform already admitted to, has Trueform had sexual contact with anyone other than LatefortheSky since they've been married?"

* "Sexual contact" should be defined in advance. We spoke with the examiner for about 30-40mins defining all the questions. I had never taken a poly before. The examiner went over the results with my husband, he was able to see the results for himself.

We have been working to spend time together that is enjoyable not just talking about the A. This seemed to be a real struggle for my BH he just did want to spend the UA time he thought it was fake to try and be all nice when inside he wanted to scream or cry.

In the last 24hrs. my husband has made a commitment to our marriage and working with me to heal and get our marriage right. I am so blessed.

You can't just try to sweep these broken NC's under the rug, Trueform. That's not going to work.

Putting aside the 3/12 broken NC (your BH said it was 2/9, so are you mistaken or did you break NC both of these dates?) , you broke NC on 1/20/13 according to your BH. I went back and checked and you were, in fact, posting on that very day.

The affair ended a year ago. You seemed regretful and remorseful for not only for the affair but for the trickle truth and additional unnecessary pain you have put your BH through. You didn't say a word about this contact to us, even though you are here posting for help.

What happened on 1/20/13?

I hope that you can appreciate that not only are we taking time out of our schedules and lives to try to help you, so it's pretty rude to waste our time making us dig for information that you should be open with -- but that for us BS's, that we are very sensitive about being lied to. Omitting information is being dishonest, Trueform, so I hope you will knock it off.

Back to 3/12 broken NC and your excuse that it was sent to tell OM not to respond to any message by you... You also need to be called out on this. You were advised regarding sending a NC letter -- even if you decided to do it in text form vs written letter, you knew that the protocol called for you BH's would approve what was written and you absolutely should have known that it wasn't to be sent in secret. That is completely absurd.

You posted that the EPs called for a change in your cell phone #. Obviously that isn't enough. What change in EPs are there going to be to ensure that you don't text OM again?

I had the date wrong the last text was 2/9/12.

I have had no contact of any kind since that date. I did change my cell number. I will never contact that Om again. I Know he is a POS.

I will not degrade my husband ever again. My BH has more honor and integrity in his right pinky finger, and deserves for me to love him and give him the respect he deserves.

What did you say in your NC letter?

Please post it. Did you change your cell number then break NC?

Did your BH see and approve your NC letter?

I texted the last message and then changed my cell number on 2/9/12. This was the last contact in any form.

The NC letter:
I want you to know that out of respect and the love I have for my husband and my four children, I have come to the deep realization that I must never have any contact or see you again for the rest of my life. My relationship with you was a cruel and extremely selfish act that my husband did not deserve. I will never be able to completely repay the pain I caused my husband by my actions, I will pray and do everything in my power to become the wife he deserves. My love for my husband and my children are my greatest concern and I do not want to do anything that would harm their happiness in the future. I will never make any kind of contact with you again and ask that you respect that decision by never contacting me. I know we have not had contact for a year but felt this letter brings closure to our relationship which is necessary for our spouses� healing and honor they deserve.

God bless your family,

Yes I gave it to my husband for his approval.

WHEN did you send this? And WHY did you send it if you have not been in contact with the POS? HOW did you send it?

I am completely confused, trueform. Can you explain what you are doing?