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I'm going to scope out the location on the way home tonight. It is way over on the other side of town, closer to POSOMs house than I'm comfortable with. I'n not sure if they have a place near there to meet. The GPS shows that she was there for at least 20 mins.
If I need to confront, it will be gently and with no accusations. But, we had a conversation last night and she said something that she's never said before. She said, "what if recovery doesn't work". I found it strange because she's never approached it like that before. When I saw the GPS data, a red flag went off.
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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Wow777,
Remember your WW has an ADDICTION that you are fighting, and from your description you are dealing with a "professional OM" who takes his OMing seriously. I would say OMs like that are more like pimps/control freaks in that they want to enslave their OWs mentally.
So there is a push and a pull going on simultaneously.
How effective were you at beating OM into the ground, getting him fired, exposed to everyone etc? What you want is for the OM to reject and spurn your WW.
That being said you might hold off and not reveal your snooping because waiting a week is nothing compared to finding out 10 or 20 years from now that she continued to be unfaithful.
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 03/21/13 01:44 PM.
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I'm going to scope out the location on the way home tonight. It is way over on the other side of town, closer to POSOMs house than I'm comfortable with. I'n not sure if they have a place near there to meet. The GPS shows that she was there for at least 20 mins.
If I need to confront, it will be gently and with no accusations. Wow. Be smart. You really need to catch her there with OM. Otherwise she will come up with a logical excuse for why she was there and you will still be left with frustration, doubt and no solid evidence. Your WW knows that you are watching her and she has already come up with an excuse that she can use on you...if you see that location on the GPS. Check out the location because it may in fact be nothing. Sometimes, when you get that gut feeling, it is better to shut up and ramp up the snooping until you can prove the continued contact. Be smart. I wasn't and I really regret those mistakes I made.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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I checked out the loc on my way home tonight and its pretty vague. I will hold off and keep monitoring closely. The last time she was at that loc was her last day off. She's off tomorrow so I'll see what happens then.
Thanks for talking me off that ledge poker. Its that initial flare up of anger when you suspect something that clouds the judgement. I appreciate the clear heads of others.
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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I checked out the loc on my way home tonight and its pretty vague. I will hold off and keep monitoring closely. The last time she was at that loc was her last day off. She's off tomorrow so I'll see what happens then.
Thanks for talking me off that ledge poker. Its that initial flare up of anger when you suspect something that clouds the judgement. I appreciate the clear heads of others. The excuse I hear the most is "I was testing you to see if you are watching me." And in fact that may be the truth...which is not a good sign. I know all about that flare up of anger. I was literally insane. Be James Bond. No matter what happens...you always have to be like James Bond.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Now this is what I call nuclear exposure The real definition of nuclear exposure
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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Have you seen this thread in other topics? oooooops
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Posts: 315
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Those are all great. The one I posted was from fox news today
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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Those are all great. The one I posted was from fox news today Ok, so you didn't confront, correct? You're going to keep on your snooping? Did you ever hear back from the exposure to the fire chief?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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No, I didn't confront her yet. I'm still snooping for now...
She has today off and is having breakfast with her Dad. I'm watching the GPS closely today to see where she goes after that. How does everyone go on like this for so long? Some of you have been in this mode for a year or more. This is killing me, literally. I've been up since 2:30 AM thinking about this. How do you function all day wondering if the ball is going to drop. Especially when your gut is telling you that something is up.
The Fire Chief fired him from the Explorer post so he's no longer leading kids there. He told me that if I have any evidence of further contact he would be let go from the fire dept too. This has moved into a personnel issue with the town so he can't tell me any more than that.
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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No, I didn't confront her yet. I'm still snooping for now...
Good job! It is so hard not to confront but without any proof it will do you no good.
She has today off and is having breakfast with her Dad. I'm watching the GPS closely today to see where she goes after that. How does everyone go on like this for so long? Some of you have been in this mode for a year or more. This is killing me, literally. I've been up since 2:30 AM thinking about this. How do you function all day wondering if the ball is going to drop. Especially when your gut is telling you that something is up.
At this point you don't know if there is continued contact or not. Your suspicion but no proof makes you feel like you have no control and that is where the anxiety comes in. A Plan gives you back the sense of control. What is your plan if there is continued contact? Remember you are James Bond.
I got through it because I always had a well thought out PLAN which I stuck to no matter what was thrown at me.
The Fire Chief fired him from the Explorer post so he's no longer leading kids there. He told me that if I have any evidence of further contact he would be let go from the fire dept too. This has moved into a personnel issue with the town so he can't tell me any more than that.
Excellent.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Posts: 315
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My plan, at this point, is to move into Plan B if there is still contact.
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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I checked out the loc on my way home tonight and its pretty vague.
Give us some idea, dude.
Parking lot, strip mall, public park?
With "Google" you probably didn't even need to go the in person to scope it out.
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My plan, at this point, is to move into Plan B if there is still contact. That was my plan also after DDay #2. But I sat on it for a few days and did some planing before I asked him to pack his bags and leave. Are you prepared for a PLAN B? You want to do it right. Make wise decisions based on facts. You don't know for sure that there is continued contact. Right now you are still in Plan A. Make it stellar.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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It was a residential area which is why said it was pretty vague. Accordig to the GPS, she spent over a half hour there. I knew the general area and it's not where I would go for a meeting like this.
She's on her way home from breakfast with her Dad right now. She went "off course" and spent 20 minutes in a park that was not on the way home. I wish I was in town to see what was going on...
Poker, I'm not sure I'm prepared for Plan B. What I'm definitly not prepared for is more Plan A accompanied with lies and further contact. Does that mean I'm ready for Plan B? Probably not. I know my kids would be defastated.
How much does anyone tell the kids during Plan A? I want their home life to be peaceful but I dont want them to be caught off guard if it goes south.
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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That is fine if you are not ready for Plan B.
Continued contact needs to be exposed especially to OM BW.
Can you hire a PI?
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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I know my kids would be devastated.
How much does anyone tell the kids during Plan A? I want their home life to be peaceful but I dont want them to be caught off guard if it goes south. That is exactly why I sat on it for a few days. I really struggled with it when I looked them in the eyes and thought about what it would do to them. Make your kids feel secure.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Posts: 315
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Oh, believe me, if I find continued contact, I wont be hesitant to expose again. You might see a mushroom cloud over the northeast because this exposure WILL be nuclear.
I haven't looked into the whole PI thing yet. Not sure about the cost. We have been hit with thousands in medical costs already this year so funds are getting tight. I might take a couple of PTO days next week on her days off and follow her around with the camera. If that doesn't work, then I'll consider the PI.
Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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I knew the general area and it's not where I would go for a meeting like this.
Interesting! Exactly where would you go, were you an OM wanting your "piece" to take the wrinkles out of it in twenty minutes or less? Maybe borrow a like-minded friend's house? (Friend could be co-worker, etc.)
You seriously need an injection of some "cynicism" extract, my friend.
There is little doubt she's giving it away again, so your Plan B study and preparation should be your second priority, just after getting those telephoto shots that pf found so helpful.
Do you have an IM? Have you begun composing your PBL? And as far as telling the kids - stop the dramatics, okay? Get the photos, have copies made and give them to each of them, suggesting they have WW and POSOM autograph them.
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20Year where are you??? - Get this guy fired up!!
ME: BS, 37
WW: 37
DS 7 DS 5
Married 11 Years
DDay 2/4/13 EA
ILYBINILWY; 2/6/13
Nuclear Expose:2/18/13
Currently in Plan A
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