Floridaguy. I'm not sure that getting fired up actually worked in your own best interests.

Look, I am fired up all I need to be. I'm mad as hell because I'm consumed with this $h!7. She's sitting at home right now and I keep hitting the refresh button on the GPS coordinates to make sure I see anything strange as soon as it happens.

The hardest part for me is keeping a stellar Plan A going while I'm secretly tracking her every move. I swear, my life is turning out to be a friggin country song.

I can't listen to country music anymore.

You are doing great.

Hang in there Wow. I was right there a month ago. WW had no contact for 4 days and then BAM she texted OM. I lost my mind and called her, told her I wanted a divorce, then told her about the tracker on her phone. Huge tactical error I thought.

However; after speaking to Steve he said that giving up my obsession with the phone/gps tracker was healthy. In Plan A you always assume the A is ongoing. WW would only end the A if she chose me over POSOM. I could not have an effective Plan A while obsessing over her WW ways, causing Ao's and LB's.

-- not suggesting you give up your GPS but just saying I know how hard it is to Plan A while seeing continued contact.

The difference here Wow is that your wife is still at home and you believe that you are working towards recovery.

You build trust by snooping and verifying what WW is up to. If you find continued contact you can then make informed decisions based on FACTS from your snooping. It is how you protect yourself and is smart to snoop especially in the early days of recovery when an addict is struggling to break free.

Wow777,

The hardest part for me is keeping a stellar Plan A going while I'm secretly tracking her every move. I swear, my life is turning out to be a friggin country song.

Except that you are in a much better position than 99% of BHs who have no support of any kind, and no idea what moves to make. Your WW has a disease and it may take more then one round of shots to cure it.

God Bless
Gamma

It looks like her deviation was to show her dad something near her work. Her dad ended up going back to our house after breakfast so she could work on his laptop for him.

Sorry, dude, my bull-spit alarm is ringing loudly.

• A de-fogging WW does NOT get to have side-trips without telling you.
• "Daddy" might be alibiing for his little "baby".
• What about the trip to the suburban love-shack? Will Daddy be her alibi for that as well?

You should trust NOTHING that seems "off", and until you can feel recovery is complete, EVERYTHING should feel "off"!

Easy there NG, daddy is not alibiing her. It was the truth. Also, the very reason I'm here talking about this stuff is for support. I obviously don't have any trust left in me so I am trusting my gut this time. I'm watching closely without letting on that I'm concerned so I think I'll just be patient for a while and see where it goes.

Here.
Private Investigators

Wow777, I admire your level of commitment to your marriage considering how disturbing your WW case is. I really do and I think you are handling your situation very well.

I don't meant to intrude in your life but could you tell more about your wife as a person and circumstances that led her to the affair? What I am struggling to understand how a woman at her age would do something so foolish considering how much she had to lose by engaging in her EA/PA?

My D-day was just three days ago and I am not the same dude anymore after my wife confessed to her two-month long EA/PA. It just feels like someone has run away with a piece of my soul.... it literarly does. I have been always full of joy, optimistic person with a healthy dose of self-confidence but all that has been stolen from me. All I have left is just pain.

I will make my own thread in a few days but the pain is just too fresh for doing it right now. I guess I am just trying to read and make some sense of it.

Welcome opiel to MB and am very sorry for your pain.

Yes please start your own thread and you will get much wonderful support.

Wow, like many other BSs who have come to these boards, has drawn strength in the same way; by having a detailed plan in ending his wife's adultery, protecting his marriage from future adultery, and to restore romantic love in the marriage.



I would implore you to read through the basic concepts, and the infidelity articles in the Q&A section of this site, and post as soon as you can.

The faster you can get to work, the sooner you can begin recovery.

daddy is not alibiing her. It was the truth.

And the other deviation?

NG, I haven't gotten to the bottom of the other deviation yet. That's why I'm sitting patient right now. If she was with POSOM the , she'll do it again. Then I should have more evidence. If not, then a confrontation will only hurt plan A and put us back. I know, its not the way some would do it. That's OK though. Isn't this how trust is rebuilt? Through observation and careful confrontation, but only when the evidence suggests wrong doing? I don't have the evidence yet, only a hunch. Until I have some evidence, if in fact there was wrong doing, then I'll stay in plan A and keep building the trust and meeting the needs.

Evidence is best procured by pursuit.

You have the address of the residential neighborhood. In about twenty minutes, either using the county tax rolls, or a reverse-address-lookup database, you could have had all the names of folks residing in a four/five house radius. A quick scan of that might yield names of her coworkers, or his. It might even turn up his relatives.

I dunno; maybe it's me. I just NEVER got the point of "sitting patient"!

Opiel,

Like others have said, please start your own threan and tell us your story. From experience I can tell you, the rollercoaster ride has only just begun. You will experience more ups/downs over the next few months than you can imagine.

To answer your question, i.'ill give you some background us. I met her in a karate class that I visited prior to moving west for school. I had been in the martial arts for about 8 years at that point and, when I met her, she was a brown belt in this class. We hit it off right away but couldn't start a relationship because I was in my way to a year long school. When I got back, I was seeing someone and she was pretty disappointed. When that ended, W and I started having lunch and getting to know each other. Our first official date was on her 21st birthday and it was all special from that day on. We never really looked back on anything, only forward. We were both happy. We married almost 2 years later and have 3 sons.

Over the years things happen, and because you're so close to them you don't tend to see them. Well, she wouldn't share much by way of her feelings and I couldn't handle that very well. I began to try and drag her feelings out of her just to have my emotional need of openness/honesty met and she resented how I did that. Over time, we shared less and argued more. She developed a resistant streak in her that pushed back against almost everything that I tried to do that involved the two of us. That led to more resentment on my part and less ability for me to meet her needs. Then BANG, she starts having some bleeding issues and I take her to the ER. On the way there she tells me that she's having a miscarriage and the baby is not mine. Yeah, my world just fell apart. I was lucky to stumble onto the MB site while googling for answers.

Now, we are both "leaders" in our church in the sense that we lead small groups, prayer groups and I have even preached on occasion. It doesn't matter who or what you are, if you're not paying attention, it can happen to you.

I have asked the same question as you. How could she have risked so much? I have learned that that was not the right question to ask. The only question for me to ask, at this point, is, "How can I fix this"? Keep in mind that you don't have to fix this. You dont have to go any further. I don't know your story but, if you want out, nows the time to say so. You have every right to leave because her decision to have sex with another man is all on her. You are not responsible in ANY way shape or form.

I know your emotions are all over the place right now. Believe me, that decsion to stay or go, will happen on a daily basis. Maybe hourly for you. That's OK man. It's time for you to pull yourself out of the fog/anger/pain and make today's decision. Tomorrows will be there when you get there.

What's it gonna be? Tell us your story and you'll get all the support you need. Read the start here thread at the top and be quiet about being on MB until you can prove the affair is over. Your first job, right now, is to gather evidence, expose and snoop to make sure there is no longer any contact with the POSOM.

Wow,777,

My story is bad, I just made a thread about it, but it isn't nowhere close to yours. I really admire your stranght but I don't think I could the same being in you situation.... please don't take it in any wrong way.

Anyway, I don't know what to do about my own situation. I would just like to fall a sleep and never wake up.

Everywhere I turn lately there is one trigger after another. Every movie, tv show, sermon have something to do with adultry. How can someone begin to heal when its thrown back in your face at every turn?

Everytime WW comes home from work and I hear about her day, the only thing I really hear is the names of the men she comes in contact with. Paramedic so and so, officer so and so, coworker so and so. She works with and talks about the women too but I only "hear" about the men.

I was up all last night unable to shut my brain off. The pain and resentment are growing, not diminishing like I thought they would. I'm going to read the articles on resentment today. Can somebody post a link for me so I dont have to go searching? I'm at work and will have to read them a little at a time and I dont want to spend too much time searching for them. Thanks

I'm starting to think my pastor's wife is more subjective than objective in our counselling sessions. She tried to negotiate my EPs down to be more comfortable for WW during our last session. I said non-negotiable and changed the subject. Gonna have to watch that one.

On the positive side, WW and I are spending a lot of time together and we're talking a lot. I've committed to keeping the discussions about relationship problems to the counselling sessions to make sure that we keep the UA a safe environment where neither of us shuts down. It seems to be working but she knows I'm fighting the triggers. Should I tell her about every trigger?

One of the things that has been brought up in counselling is the notion that I will never be satisfied, regardless of what she does. Like with the EPs, she's concerned that I will just keep adding to them to try and control her. Even though I've told her that I have no interest in controlling her it still keeps coming up.

Opiel, I know what you mean about falling asleep and not waking up. I just want to fall asleep and stay asleep for 6 straight hours without waking up with this on my mind.

I couldn't imagine being in your shoes...God bless you brother! I just updated Pep's resentment thread in the recovery forum. I was enlighting to me.