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I'm not going to start any talks about our relationship with my w unless she brings it up,as long as she seems positive and sees me reading that book. I have a question though, there were a couple times this wknd that I felt a little spark in the air and wanted so badly to just kiss her, other than a kiss goodbye and goodnight we havent really kissed in 4 mnths, would it be too soon to just lean in and kiss her, or is this a time I should wait for her to make that move. Move in for the kill!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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well, some good news for once.After some more sleuthung I came upon a number that came up quite a bit in the phone bill under texting. My w was out of the room for a bit at one point last nite, so after we went to bed I asked to use her fone to call mine cuz I couldnt find it, and after checking the texting log online I knew she had texted that num when she left the room. When I checked her fone those mssgs were deleted, so I confronted her and said is there something goin on I need to know about, she said no,so I said there seems to be an awful lot of txting goin on to -----'s number(I know who it is) she said he was her friend. I said if hes yor friend why is it a secret, she said 'because you said you didnt believe in having friends of the opp sex' to which I said 'you cant blame this on me, what am i supposed to think, especially now, I could sense you were keeping something from me, you can't keep assuming things about me, thats not fair,I have always been honest w you, and while it would make me uncomfortable for you to have a male friend, its even more so when you make it a secret' long story short, this guy has lots of health problems,his kids are grown and moved away and really has no friends or family, if you knew my wife she has one of the biggest hearts and lots of empathy, (she works w adults w disabilities), which is why our situation has had me so baffled. She kept this friendship a secret out of fear which was once again a false perception of me that I wouldnt understand amd bemad at her. I told her 'you HAVE to stop projecting these notions onto me, she said she was sorry, she was wrong, and she doesnt know why she does that. I know why, but I don't think it will help to bring it up all the time. We need to focus on restoring our love and trust. After talking for awhile I could feel that spark in the air again so I told her I loved her and took her head in my hand and MOVED IN FOR THE KILL, we haven't kissed like that in a looong time, when we went downstairs she even said her legs were a little shakey  I know there is still work to do, but this was a poitive step in the right direction.
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What makes you think she is not having an affair with this guy? I am confused.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Women don't hide when they have nothing to hide. Can you imagine hiding texts to your "friend" Bob from work just because your wife doesn't like the guy?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I understand, but in her head she did have something to hide, she thought she knew I wouldnt understand, she has had alot of false perceptions of me being controlling,manipulative,and all those things, I have never givin her reason to think that,it all stems from her upbringing, I know she is an adult now but those things can be hard to shake, my own mother has a similar story.that stuff needs to be seperated from our marriage. there is still work to do, and I will keep my eyes on it, If something arises I will go to plan A, a little time will tell. I am a pretty intuitive person and I know my w.
I have the strength necessary to keep this moving forward the right way. I will not stop applying everything you and this website have shown me, and if thers something I need to do right now that I'm not doing, let me know.
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This is probably the guy she is having an affair with. My point is that women are not going to go to that much trouble for a platonic "friendship." By confronting her, you gave her a heads up.
Now is not the time to be gullible, my friend. Keep acting like you believe her ridiculous explanation and get some spyware on her phone. And keep your eyes peeled for an affair phone since she knows you know about her texts.
It is real important to NOT confront her with findings like this until you have the full story. It just causes her to go further underground.
It is really important that you implement spy resources. I thought you were doing this all along. If you had spyware on her phone you would know what those texts were about. I would get spyware on her phone asap.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Some good spyware programs are eblaster and flexispy. Both of those have built in GPS.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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tunedin,
It doesn't matter the reasons WHY your W speaks to this other man or whether or not he's a real catch. What matters is that she's spending time filling ENs of this guy ... which in returns she is probably getting her ENs filled by him.
You should ask that she stop talking with him or work out a deal (don't know if you can trust her) where she is completely transparent in any of her interactions with this guy.
If you are to truly follow MB - NO OPPOSITE SEX friends. She should end her convos with this guy. How you approach that I'll leave to the more experienced people in that area.
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
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Who is this guy? Is he married?
Me: 57 Her: 54
M: 31 years
Kids(DS23, DD20, DS18)
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I'm thinking of calling her mom and dad, should I do that now?
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hes 40 something,kids grown moved out,divorced,heart problems diabities and other health problems
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I'm thinking of calling her mom and dad, should I do that now? You have nothing to say to her parents at this stage as you do not have anything incriminating. She will be able to claim she is helping a disabled friend and then she will be validated and you will become the enemy. You need to get the information first. Watch, listen and gather. Give her no clues. All waywards lie and they all dripfeed. She will only admit to what you already know so make sure you know everything before confronting her.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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there is no way I can afford those spywares, is there anything else I can do?
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hes 40 something,kids grown moved out,divorced,heart problems diabities and other health problems If you think this means he is not affair potential, I assure you that you are dead wrong.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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tunedin, it is real important that you find a way to spy on her. When you find something, you can't confront her. Come here and tell us what you find. You are going to be clever and strategic. I have thought all along there is an affair and now I am even more convinced. But you have to sleuth and find out what is going on. Would she be calling him from your house? Does she talk to him? Go to his house? I need you to do the thinking here and figure out how to find out exactly what is going on.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm thinking of calling her mom and dad, should I do that now? Nooooooooo. You need to focus all of your attention to being a sleuth.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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their only contact is at work through texts and wherever else, she changed the password on our wireless account so I screwed that up.
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I asked her why she changed the password if there were nothing to hide to which she said so I know when u check on me, so shes turning me into the badguy
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