I stumbled upon this site after making a beautiful "I love you" e-card for my husband after his departure to Europe. He deserved get it and I wanted and needed to send him one.

Yes, I'm the OP's whore or wayward wife. If you want to call me a skank or slut it's fine with me too.

I know it's my husband's thread and I have rather mixed feelings about posting here, but since I've found and read it, I feel he should know. I'm aware of pain I've caused and I take a full responsibility for my despicable behaviour. Still it's so painful to read all this.

There is an old Abba's video clip on Youtube "The Day Before You Came" I love to watch. Always liked to think it was about us. But it looks he doesn't even seem to want me anymore. Now it's more like "When All Is Said And Done".

Why would you be fine with that?
I don't understand.

Welcome to MB, tea.

You say that you are aware of the pain that you've caused, and also that you fine with being called a skank or slut.

That's terrible, tea. Why would you be fine with that? Why not stop being that? And if you aware of causing your H pain, why not stop?

Pepperband and I must have been constructing our posts at the same time. I did not see her post before I sent mine, but isn't it interesting that we said exactly the same thing at the very second we saw your post.

We are women with a degree of self-respect. Wr cannot understand how another woman can say such a thing about herself. Are you happy that you were used as a piece of toilet paper during your affair?

Are you happy with that? Really?

tea1981

Please start your own thread here and get some great advice on how to save your marriage.

Start by reading all of the links on the Start Here Thread and get ready to save your marriage.

This is a long road, and trying at times but you will not find a set of people more dedicated to saving marriages and making them strong again

Please don't refer to yourself as that so you can throw a pity party! Follow Wows advice and start your own thread. Familiarize yourself with the concepts and post.

I've decided I want to call you a tea kettle.
That's better.
Now, I'm

I just went back and re-read your post. The e-card was a nice touch. We call them love bank deposits and they show the care that we have for our spouse. That was nicely done

Tea,

We call people that stray Waywards because they have lost their way in the fog. We do not call them skanks or sluts but I do know why you feel you have earned those titles. I was a WW as well and felt I deserved to be called every last name in the book.

The most awesome thing is that you have seen the error in your ways and seem to want to fix your mistakes. Calling yourself names however is not the way to go about healing your marriage.

OP also mentioned that you are not calling your actions an affair but instead that you were "whoring around". I am not sure if by calling it that it makes you feel better or worse, either way you had an affair. Now, other than beating yourself up (we call it a pity party) and calling yourself names, what are you going to do to fix it?

The people here are not here to name call or judge you. They are here to clear your foggy head and help heal your marriage. They may have some tough questions and will require you to follow the program to a "tea"...ha ha but if you and OP are both in this together, you can save your marriage and make it better than ever.

Please keep reading, start your own thread, and learn MB concepts.

Under normal circumstances I'm a woman with a very healthy dose of self respect. But I did what I did and I don't have a problem with calling it what it really was. Wayward wife is a cute phrase but regardless how we try to spin it I'm still a woman who cheated on her husband.

In the good old days a barber was a barber, today he is a hair stylist. Undertaker was undertaker, today he is a mortician. I remember how my grandfather used to get upset when people were calling him auto technician. He was always telling them he was a car mechanic. He was proud of what he was doing and didn't need any cute name for it. And neither do I except for that I'm utterly disgusted with myself.

I don't look at it as an affair because an affair requires at least certain level of commitment and, above all, you are supposed to enjoy it, right? In my case it was neither. There was no commitment on my part and I didn't enjoy it. As a matter of fact I couldn't even sleep with him without getting drunk. Quite pathetic, isn't it?

I'm not in any kind of affair fog. I could run into him tomorrow and all I would feel would be embarrassment because what we've done. Nothing else. I have no desire to see him or to talk to him. I feel bad that he got hurt but he knew I was married. Perhaps he'll learn his lesson but I doubt that.

After I cut it off the only thing I was struggling with was how to tell my husband. I wasn't in any kind of post affair fog.

Some posters are questioning my boundaries around men. Of course, it isn't baseless considering what I've done but even during my modeling years I had no problems with keeping men at distance. I was a "print out" model for a decade, I did New York, Milan, Paris, Tokyo, so sometimes I was gone for a month or two but never cheated on anyone.

I think opening my own tread would be too awkward with my husband already on board. He needs this forum more. I'll tell him I posted here if he calls. It seems to be too late for us anyway.

Folks, please help tea1981, opiel's wife.

tea1981,

Yes, I'm the OP's whore or wayward wife. If you want to call me a skank or slut it's fine with me too

That's not how Dr Harley view it, on his radio show he frequently tells callers something like.

"Your wife is not a bad person, we are all wired to have affairs, and when we don't use the proper precautions they can happen any one of us"

Obviously you are not or you would not feel this bad, it more important you do what you can to make amends to your BH, give him you honesty, openness and don't lie to cover up details to save his feelings.

God Bless
Gamma

First and foremost you need to read surviving the affair and lovebusters. It's not over till its over. Read Dr. H's basic concepts on the website. Also, continue to post and follow the advice from some the vets here. They are knowledgeable and been in your shoes. You seem to be willing to do whatever it takes now do it. Wish I could offer more advice but I'm inexperienced in recovery. Good luck

I understand completely. I know what it is like to have your boundaries questioned despite a long successful track record of good behavior. As a drunk driver I had no problems staying on the road for years. Not only was I an excellent drunk driver, but I could talk my way out of jail when stopped by the police. Many people questioned my drunk driving skills even though I drove drunk for years with no tickets or accidents. I have proven that drunk driving can be successful.

Even though traveling jobs usually result in affairs and drunk driving usually results in car crashes, I know we are different.

Oh wait, you are not different, are you?

p.s. I am offering free drunk driving lessons to anyone who is interested. Great boundaries and great skills!

Calling someone a Wayward is not a putting the person who had the affair in a pretty little word package. It describes someone/anyone who has a moment of weakness whether it be for a minute, a night, a month, a year....

I understand your fog may have only been for a second and now you feel the shame and regret for letting your boundaries down even for a night.

As Gamma mentioned above, we are all wired for affairs. Even the strongest person with extremely high boundaries can mess up if they put themselves in a situation where they can be weakened or tested.

There is a problem here; you know you like alcohol waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(enough A's yet?)aaaay too much, and dislike the consequences drinking brings even more... so you stay away from it.

Hard to be a drunk when you don't get near the drink.



Wait, I get it; I won't sleep with women who aren't my wife if I stay away from them and don't test my limits.


Dang you and your logic!

To sum it up you are still wayward because you haven't accepted the fact your boundaries around men and drink just plain suck. So be receptive and not deceptive and you may save your marriage. Do you have kids and how long have you been married?

I just think drunk driving is highly underrated! Like I said, I drove drunk for YEARS and never had one little accident! I have good boundaries, apparently.

*ahem*

Those aren't "boundaries," Mel, they are called gaurd rails...