Really? haha!

I'm laughing because when I was dating online and I met a great guy I knew wasn't going to work for me, I tried to introduce him to the ladies in my singles group. After a couple times I finally got the hint that other people consider this a very rude thing to do. But I am scientific by nature and thought nothing of it.

Hey Daisy,

Oww dating women you are not interested in works to get new dates.
5 years ago I dated a beautiful, yet disturbingly crazy young female.
We went to a concert together & there I met another girl I did not know before (she knew who we both were however).

a couple of weeks later we went on a date together and
she actually told me "I could not understand why you would date that crazy b*tch, so I came up to you and introduced myself". :-)

+ it is a scientific fact that males are more attractive to women if they in company with other females...

I do not think the same will work on males though.

I will post the scientific evidence Pepperband.
One of my friends is a Dr. in psychology and does research in this area. Give me a couple of days to post the exact article.

But for starters :
"Intrasexual Competition Among Women" Tracy Vaillancourt and Aanchal Sharma et. al.
https://www.box.com/s/rdthllpbpfuk0g2lqtdt

The references in this article should give you a clue that competition plays a big part in human mate selection/attraction
...and that I am not making this up.

GM

It's all good.
I apologize for laughing. I was laughing at my own joke inside my head.
I have done medical studies.
One study was dropped by the drug company that funded us, because we were not getting the desired outcomes. They found another avenue to publish the exact results they were looking for. Some time later, patients would bring the second study to my attention and asked if I had considered using that particular treatment.



What's a gal to say? LOL
After all, it was scientifically proven to be efficacious.

Went out for a dance alone this weekend.
Had some friendly conversations at the door when BAM! I find myself deeply enmerged in a emotional connection with a female my age. No bullsh*t chitchat whatsoever, within 5 minutes we are talking about feelings and past grievances.

We continue our conversation at the bar where it soon turns out she has a partner (for the last 15 years) and he has been unemployed and depressed for the last 2 years. she tells me she is hurting because of him.

My alarmbell goes bezerk.
I tell her my last girlfriend betrayed me.
Killed the conversation and went dancing.
^^

No lesson learned unfortunatly.
I already knew to stay away from women in relationships.
i am a fool for immediate emotional connection and intimite conversation though... knew that, but she almost blew me away with her voodoo.
Is it a bad idea to find this an atractive trait in women?

But you did learn a lesson! The fact that the alarm bells went off is perfect. You were bonding with her over shared negative experiences. Always destructive. Well done.

My alarm bell went off because this women was sharing her relationship problems with a perfect stranger of the opposite sex in a bar. It looked to me she was setting herself up for an affair/rebound.

I did not even know it was wrong to bond over shared negative experiences!!! I do it with new collegues all the time and it actually works imho.

Ofcourse I do understand that bonding with 'a date' should not all be about doom & gloom.

Could you eleborate living_well?

lol I meant a romantic bonding of course :-)

You don't want negative experiences to be what you have in common in a romantic relationship because you will reinforce those feelings in each other.

Ok, I agree with that.

But as an icebreaker it worked like a sharm...
Felt like I skipped 2 dates + the redundant chitchat.
When a complete strangers takes a conversation to a deep emotional level, you feel trusted.

Until you stop and think why someone would spill out her guts to a total stranger. Is it really something about you. Or could it be something about her, maybe?

Had a fantastic Easter weekend: I threw a dance-party, got some 400 people dancing until 6am. My ex came aswell, although I asked the IM to ask her not to come. I did not talk to her but caught her glimpse in the audience. Did not make me feel bad or good.

Yesterday was another drama day: my mrojectfriend came over like every monday and told me she feels trapped in her relationship with her first boyfriend. She has not told him yet.

I advised her to sleep on it for a couple of weeks and try to talk to him after that. She feels very guilty.
I asked her if it had anything to do with our bond, but she said it did not.

The last couple of weeks I did notice her changing a lot. She is doing her first internship and she is loving it. Stopped biting her nails, wears dresses and skirts instead of jeans and actually talks openly about guys gazing at her and how she is liking it.
She is transforming into a woman, I guess...

I said I will be there for her whatever she decides and I could help her restore her love if she wants to.
She said she does not know if she wants to restore the love.
Said she will ignore her trapped feeling for the rest of the week...

Feeling trapped struck a cord, it is not a normal feeling to have in a relationship.

I remember feeling trapped in my first relationship when I was in my early 20ts...

Years later I understand the feeling was due to the fact I was in an abusive relationship and was being abused.
i am pretty sure she is not.

This leaves open 4 other possibilities:
- she is affraid to hurt him.
- she is affraid she will not find another partner
- She is affraid she will not be good enough for him.
- She is cheating and speaking FOG-babble. (Very unlikely)

I was always able to support her in difficult situations, but I am affraid this one is over my head.d

I think the 'feeling trapped' of a bad relationship is simply your subconscious telling you all it not well whilst your conscious mind is still trying to make the best of the invested time.

She just needs to respect and honour her instincts and listen to them. Let her do this for herself.

sound advice. Thanks Living_well!

For the first time in a long while, I had the pleasure to experience "chemistry" again.
While volunteering a festival this weekend, I met a stunningly beautiful 30+ woman: She stepped out of the volunteering office while I was about to enter; our eyes crossed and we were both struck by lightning for a second.

We met a second time in the office at daybreak, where she asked the volunteers for a shaparone because she wanted to go dancing before the end of the festivities & was getting harassed by horny 18 yr olds on the dancefloor. (I could imagine why!)

I volunteered gladly and we had a quite intimate dancing session of at least 2h... we had to, as she was not kidding about the 18 yr olds! We constantly exchanged glances and she smiled every time: she was obviously enjoying the UA.

We agreed to meet the next afternoon at the afterparty but she did not show up...

The next day my .org received a mail on facebook from her, asking for my email after which she adds me on fb... she obviously knew how to track me.

First thing I see on her page:
SHE IS ENGAGED!!!

This is all very frustrating as I seem to attract WW's only, while the singles I am meeting seem impossible to date...

Man, that sucks. What did you guys talk about for 2h? Did the subject of "are you involved with anyone" come up? After all that I have been through, I think I would ask that on the "first date" from now on.

Did you ask her about the engagement? I would have asked her right on her facebook page. Something like, "I just noticed that you're engaged. Thats too bad because I really enjoyed the 2 hours of dancing that we shared. I actually thought we made a connection because of all of the eye contact and smiling that we shared too. Also, I was psyched to see you again when we agreed to meet the next day..."

You know, to make sure her BF knew what he was getting into.

I think there comes a point where you need to look at your behaviour. WHY are these the ones you are attracted to? Are you ignoring the shy single girls? Women who are WW/in relationships yet you are connecting to them.... they probably have one thing in common, and that is being somewhat aggressive in conversations, taking a lead, etc. If this is a consistent issue then you are missing the signals of single girls, or perhaps not being aggressive enough in your approach of them??

Well we danced to 94db electronic music mostly, hard to have a 2h conversation (with words).

When we went for a drink or moved to another stage we were talking ofcourse. About our experiences on the 3day-festival mostly. About music as we are both promotors in different genres. About jobs, food and travel to exotic locations
(damn, we have a lot in common actually)
No, the subject relationships did not came up at all.
Did not think to ask really.

Well, I did send her THAT message as soon as I got her friend-request; but I did not have a look at her page first! *stupid*

I know her boyfriend, he is a volunteer aswell. I send him a message today I had a good time dancing with his wife. That I did not know he had a girlfriend. He replied he was well informed she was going to dance with me... and said: "how can you not know my wife? She was at your parties all the time 8 years ago!"

Good one Alis!

It is true I like woman who are able to take lead!
But this is not a consistent pattern in my previous relationships though.

The first "WW" approached me & made an immediate emotional connection. Aggressive? Maybe. But after that I took lead, brought her to the bar and bought her a drink.

This last one was on my account: I wanted to dance with her as soon as we crossed eyes. I actually thought: I'll see her again at the afterparty tomorrow, we are going to dance there after a good rest.
But the opportunity arised earlier and I took it. Was she thinking the same thing and thus creating the opportunity? Probably.

Am I ignoring the shy girls? No.
I am picking up signals better than a couple of months ago,
a bit, but I still suck.
I actually approached several shy girls at the afterparty that were clearly enjoying themselves and were showing interest, but they were all too young and I just loose interest straight away.

True: I am not aggresive enough in approaching women. I am not shy to show interest but I catch myself hesitating in talking to them. Maybe I am waiting for signals too long...