I have NO DOUBT she�ll be emotional. She�ll be emotional when she writes it, when she gives it to him, if he reads it, if he doesn�t read it, if he agrees with what she put on it, if he disagrees with what she put on it, etc. She is very unhappy. There is no greater or horrible emotion than unhappiness. It comes out in many different ways (sadness, apathy, anger, etc). If he reads it and likes what he�s read � (relief, joy, energy, etc.).

There is nothing that says she has to be there if and when he reads it. She need not be present when she leaves it for him to read.

�I left a personal goal list on the fridge. I would love it if you took the time to read it. For now it is all I ask of you.�.

If he chooses to read it, great. If not that is his choice. Point being is she is laying out her mantra and it will be a reminder of her goal. If it�s on the fridge it will be a daily reminder for her (and him if he chooses to read it).

That is one of the key things I was tasked with when counseling with Dr J. A daily goal sheet. �What are my to-do(s) for today?�. I put it in my lunch pail so every day I saw my reminder, my goals. Granted my goals where my W�s listed ENs instead of ones I had to figure out myself but meeting ENs are meeting ENs.
At first I thought, this is phoney. This is fake-it-til-you-make-it stuff. But soon thereafter � it was habit. I haven�t looked at my to-do sheet in weeks. It�s all natural now � and it feels genuine.

Would you mind stopping disrupting this thread? We are trying very hard to help this woman. This thread is not about YOU.

I second Melody's thoughts on low carb! It is by far the easiest way to lose and control weight! After I (thought) I was done having children and was HUGE I went on a traditional low cal-low fat diet...wow what a struggle! Talk about slow, constantly hungry, and battling the lbs! UGH!

Attractive spouse is often a top EN for men. Good for you for addressing this issue head on!

Another good natural anti depression med. available everywhere is 5htp. St. Johns wort is great but can't be taken with certain other meds such as thyroid Rx.

Post it on the frige is not a good ideea. This is between me and my H, I don't want the kids to read it. They may figure it out something is going on, but my letter should not be read by them. Al least that's what I think.

The problem is I don't want to say anything before I get a good start on what I am going to do. I am addicted to sugar, like I said, and still not have a very good diet and exercise plan in place. I don't want to tell him I will do something and then let him see me eat some chiocolate. Yes, I know, my M should be more important that any food, but it's not easy. I've been trying a little harder this past week and my scale shows the same number, so I'm a little down on that.
I will try from today on that low carb diet, but only the one that includes vegetable and 1 fruit/day. I can't eat meat and eggs only. I really feel like I need to do all the right things for at least a few days before announce it him. I was not able to do it for years, so I need to make sure this time I can. Don't you agree?

I don't think it will be any shoking news for him. He already knows everything I plan to tell him, except of what it is that I'm going to do to fix it.

There are plenty of good diet plans out there that are low carb. I've done South Beach. Worked fabulously especially if you struggle with cravings. Just be sure you get plenty of fiber intake from allowable sources. I struggled with digestive issues (regularity) while doing it and had to stop. I lost 23 pounds doing South Beach.

An even better overall health plan is the Paleo diet (caveman diet). I have a very dear friend who is controlling her thyroid condition by simply following this eating plan. She avoids having to take any medications by simply watching what she eats.

If you want to lose weight fast Medifast works well for that � but boy it�s a tough doing it. Yes I did it and lost 17 pounds in 7 weeks. But boy I didn�t feel well the whole time. Had I immediately switched to South Beach or Paleo after this diet I probably would be better off today. I didn�t and so just one more yo-yo diet I did.

FYI: If you�ve never watched the movie Food, Inc I highly recommend it. It�ll make you think seriously about what you eat and what we as a country could do to make this a healthier place to live.

Neither of these diets are meat and eggs only. Do some research on some plans before you start throwing your assumptions out there about them. Knowing what I know about South Beach and Paleo I would never recommend someone use the Atkins diet.

As far as the letter ... so you can't post it on the fridge. It feels like you get caught up in arguing semantics and lose sight of the message being sent to you. If you need us to give you exact directions on how to complete certain tasks like how to reveal a Plan A letter to your hubby we can do that. Just let us know.

What I�d really like to hear from you is that you are agreeing with some of the ideas being given you and your not avoiding answering the specific advice as a means of avoiding conflict.

Are you going to create and give your H a Plan A letter?

Sounds like you'd like to keep your options open so you're OK to fail.

I think a better idea is to create a plan for improvement, communicate to someone who will hold you accountable (who better than the one person that stands to benefit from your success) and execute the plan.

An addict needs to go cold turkey. Get a very good diet plan lined up and execute it. This will be listed in your Plan A diet. I bet your H will be intrigued to see you make a stance, set a course. Once you begin to successfully implement the plan he will be even more intrigued, on board, helpful, etc.

aia,

I know it sounds like I'm coming down on you hard and I probably am. But only because I know what you are doing ... well because I do it to. I hate conflict. Avoid it with a passion. Lately I've really learned being Open and Honest ALWAYS has the best outcome. Radical Honesty. To your spouse and to yourself.

Thanks for the info. Paleo diet is actually what I've been reading about and sounds ok. But avoinding sugar will be hard. Very hard. I don't care about fast food, fried food, no problem. But sugar...I don't know. I'll try my best. Maybe eat a little dark chocolate (which I don't like much) just to keep me going for a while.

Yes, I plan a letter, but like I said I'm wainting a little to make sure I have what it takes to make all those changes. My H heard me before saying that I'm going to loose the weight and I never did, so I don't want this to be another time like that.

Also, what should be on the letter? Can you give me some general points I should try to make?
Thanks.

Don't worry about coming down on me hard, I'm only very sensitive when my H does it.

I see your point about cold turkey. I wish it was a little easier...

I would start working on the letter now. You can still give it to him even though you might not be perfect at first. The point of the letter is not to guarantee perfection, but to a) express your willingness and b) to tell him you are unhappy and c) what it will take to make you happy..


Eliminate the fruits. You shouldn't be eating fruit if you are trying to lose weight because it just causes sugar cravings and creates more glucose for your body to burn off before it gets to the stored body fat. That is like trying to push a car up the hill with the parking brake on. There isn't a single nutrient in fruit you can't get in meat and low carb vegetables. Some good low carb vegetables are broccoli, green beans, kale, spinach, cucumbers. You can have a salad with your lunch and a cup or 2 of green veggies with your supper.

Have you removed all the candy from the house?


In the letter you will lay out to what you need from him to make you happy.. That is the point of the letter.

Sugar was my hardest thing because I was so addicted to it. You can't "try" to stop it, you have to have a plan to quit it. So the first step is to quit cold turkey. Get all the chocolate out of the house - even dark chocolate. After a few days you won't even want it.

The tapering method really is just an excuse to continue to eating sweets. And it doesn't work. Better to get it over with rather than prolonging the agony.

Tell him how unhappy you are and line out what it will take to make you happy. Tell him you want a marriage where both of you are happy and are having your needs met. Tell him you have started a low carb diet and want to meet his need for PA. But the point of the letter is to tell him what you need from him to be happy.

aia, the best diets out there are Atkins or Protein Power, but most low carb diets are Atkins knocks offs anyway. I have been on Atkins for 15 years now and it is what my endocrinologist recommends to all her patients. [or Dr Bernstein's Diabetes Diet] She is the top weight loss doctor, endocrinologist, in Houston.

If you really want to understand the science behind why low carb diets are so healthy and effective, read "Why We Get Fat" by Gary Taubes.

Thank you. I'll read some more about this type of diet.

If you understand HOW we get fat, you will understand the most effective way to eat. For example, when you eat carbohydrates, you cause your blood sugar to rise. The body converts the carbohydrates to glucose. When that happens insulin is released by the pancreas. Insulin is the fat storing hormone. So when insulin is released, the glucose is stored as body fat. This is how people get fat.

But that is not the case when you eat fat and protein. Fat and protein is metabolized and not stored as body fat. When you eat fruit, starchy veggies, sugar, refined flour, you make it that much harder to burn your body fat because the body has to burn through your excess glucose stores to even get to your body fat.

By cutting carbohydrates down to the bare minimum you deplete your body's glucose stores and force your body to use its stored body fat for fuel.

In studies, low carb diets are more successful in the long term because you are not hungry on them. They don't rely on calorie deprivation to be successful. Low carb diets are much better for your overall health too.

Thank you. Since I've been eating 1200 calories per day with no results I think you might be right.
I'll read some more on it tonight and start tomorrow. Breakfast will be the hard one as well, I'm used to eat cereal with milk or peanut butter sandwishes. Eggs or cheese it's just not attractive to me first thing in the morning.
I'll find a way. I have to. I'm kind of tired of having this problem all the time.

Sounds like you have an opportunity to do a little research Aia. Find the low carb diet that will work for you.

My W is a carboholic and she tells herself she can't give them up ergo there is always candy and carbs in the house. My nemisis.

As Mel explained after a few days of doing a low carb diet where (like on SBD in Stage 1) you eliminate all sugars you will no longer crave sugar. It is a nasty substance that reeks havoc on our bodies. Cravings, cravings, cravings. Arggh. I hate 'em. I am a choco-holic. After eating a big meal I crave it something fierce. No amount of will power can override the craving.

The best option for eating is to rid oneself of the cravings and that is done by getting the sugar entirely out of your system.

Here were some things that were startling to me in my research when trying to find an eating plan:

No fruit - fructose
Certain veggies - too many carbs
No milk - lactose

You've studied Paleo, that's good. Do some reading on Atkins and South Beach. These aren't diets. They are new ways of eating. Things you will do for life (if you want to control your weight and health).

Look these over and more specifically look at the meals you will make. Find which one best fits into what you think you'd like to eat and what you think you would be able to and enjoy making.

Why have cereal, or eggs or cheese for breakfast? Nothing to stop you from eating last night's leftovers. Sure you can mix in some eggs and various other things (low fat cheeses, etc) but if what you ate for supper was healthy it's just as good for breakfast. I think I read that in a Paleo book.

No chocolate, no fruit, no milk or yogurt? Forever? That sounds really hard to me. Not sure I have what it takes.
I can understand abour sugar and forever.
I can see maybe give up on fruit for a while. But never eat it again? Not even an apple? Hard.
I think Paleo lets you eat yogurt and maybe a fruit per day, am I wrong?

(By the way, sorry if I make some mistakes, English is not my first language... )

I never said forever. Read up on South Beach. They have this concept in Stage 2 that allows you to eat healthy fruits and vegetables but they need to be consumed with other elements to prevent your body from converting the sugars to stored fat. (The sugar/insulin effect Mel mentioned) .

For instance, when I was eating SBD I would have an apple usually every other day. But I would eat it with a healthy fat that helped prevent the insulin surge. Natural peanut butter which is nothing more than ground up peanuts with an apple is very tasty. And quite safe to eat (so long as you aren�t eating way too much).

Bottom line � like I said. Read up on each of these diets and find the one you think you can stick to. Don�t just read what you do in the early stages of the eating plan. Look at the overall plan, the foods you will be able to eat, etc before you decide your path.

The best plan you can pick � is the one you will stick to.