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Also, when you talk to Dr. H ask him that very question. Found an excellent thread by Pepperband This is the Plan A question.......Who the Heck Are you?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Quick question during plan a how would I put lb tokens from a distance even if we are not living together and also if she is with the posom at the time would it make a differance? You really can't make any if she wont let you. Over time you may he able to win her back. That is because she is in love with a man who agrees with everything she says. However when she lives with him conflict will be inevitable. Only 5% of affairs survive 2 years past exposure so you may be able to leave a positive impression in her mind. When her affair dies, you may be viewed as a logical choice because you are the father of her children.
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We have no kids together even though I treat her daughter as my own after her dad abused her. I do love her as my own and I try my best to teach her from my mistakes with guidence.
Last edited by Chitenator; 04/26/13 07:28 AM.
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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Then if you maintain that relationship with the daughter you may be able to win her back
Do you listen to the radio show daily?
There is a lot of information there,
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Yes I do. So basicly I just have to hang tight and work on myself right?
Last edited by Chitenator; 04/26/13 08:18 AM.
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Yes there are no guarantees.
But the vast majority of affairs die a natural death, most within 6 months of exposure and 95% within 2 years.
During this time, as you are in plan A she will start to compare and contrast between you and her lover.
She and the lover will have conflict, it is inevitable. The conflict will crush the fantasy world they live in.
During this time it's important you commit NO love busters; no angry outbursts or disrespectful judgements.
Be nice and polite and try to meet whatever emotional needs she will allow you to; spending time with her daughter may be a way to meet that emotional need for family support.
Have you read Surviving an Affair? If not read it.
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I have read it. Will probably go over it again. And like you said whats tge worst that can happen.
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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Don't talk about any legal stuff with her either.
Just refer everything back to an attorney.
Divorce talk does not help plan A
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Quick question during plan a how would I put lb tokens from a distance even if we are not living together and also if she is with the posom at the time would it make a differance? Text her. Send a letter every so often. Call if she lets you. Be charming when you get to talk, for any reason. It probably won't make any direct immediate difference, but it's mandatory so that when the affair finally implodes she will see returning to you as a good option.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Not yet at work so kinda has to wait later.
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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Thats a good point. The only thing is she never gave me her phone number wuth her new plan. And she tries to get her daughter to relay messages and thats annoying.
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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Do you think a mothers day card just simple with my name on it. Would that be a good idea?
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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The radio show went well and verified what I needed to do for myself.
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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The radio show went well and verified what I needed to do for myself.  What did they tell you?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 249
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I have to wait it out and fix my anger issues and make sure that my mother is not a problem cause she likes to intervine. And show my wife that will be the last time my temper will get the better of me. Watch myself being disrespectful.
Last edited by Chitenator; 05/01/13 04:36 PM.
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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I have to wait it out and fix my anger issues and make sure that my mother is not a problem cause she likes to intervine. And show my wife that will be the last time my temper will get the better of me. Watch myself being disrespectful. How are you going to do all that? What is your plan?
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Just one step at a time. First the anger classes then move out of the house so my mother cant get into my business. Since we moved at my parents to save for a house. So the house can wait. And yeah just show her I am changing.
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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And yeah just show her I am changing. How?
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Just talking to her. Invite her back to live with me after I have moved and not expect anything. Dont actions speak louder then words? So I think now is a good time to start acting.
Last edited by Chitenator; 05/01/13 05:36 PM.
Married for 3 years
And going through a seperation.
me bh 33
her ww 34
2 kids
her dd 14
my ds 8
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