Prisca, I don't get the impression after the last 3 weeks that he really cares if he is out... :((

Please read.
Conflict Avoidance is the Kiss of Death

ok, I will, thank you.

Another:
How to Plan B Correctly

((HUGS))
We already know he doesn't care. What you're doing is giving him the chance to prove you wrong. Then you are going to protect yourself from him with Plan B. And you are going to feel so wonderful when you are free from his abuse that you are going to wonder why you waited so long.

What did you say in the message you left him?

Wow I went back and read your huge first post.

I'm so concerned with everything your WH is doing to you that I'm concerned you will end up in the hospital or he will have you arrested.

Can you get a VAR and make sure you have it on you at all times?

Also working at the same company and when you go into Plan B will you be able to have NC at all with him? Or will he be able to see you?

When can you get into a dark Plan B?

He moved out and is living with his mother?

Yes and his younger sister. He left 3 weeks ago after the fight.

That is great! That means you can just send him a letter giving him your conditions. If he agrees, then great. If not, you can just go right on into Plan B.

I can do it that way..I doubt he will answer.

I think it will take a while before he does, at least.

We are in different departments at work, thanks to him and his co-worker

I actually have to go across the building and to a different floor to find him.

I simply said in the voice mail that I would like to speak to him and would he please call me back.

He hasn't called back, it's almost 11 PM.

Why not write him up a nice little email and send over your conditions? Then if he doesn't respond in 24 hours, just assume he is declining your nice offer and change the locks, pack up his crap and send him a plan b letter.

Can you think of a way to get transferred to another job site so you don't have to leave your job? Plan B is a complete and total dark separation.

So can you get an IM and change the locks on your house and send him the PBL with your conditions?

So if he wanted to he could find you at work? Can you transfer?

I sent him the mail.

I have an IM. And yes, can change the house locks.

He rarely comes over to where I work. He usually expects me to come to him.

There are possibilities of transfer within the company. I will have to look. There is even a possibility of even working from home mostly. , I have options there, though I tend to feel isolated when I do that.

I should be someplace he can't even see me if he walks past?

Yes. Plan B means you're so dark he can't contact you. This will help you heal so much more.

You need to also change ALL your contact information. Will you be able to block his email since you work at the same company?

I can set the email filter to direct his mails to the spam folder.

I think it will be a long time before he tries to say anything. His usual method is to give silent treatment after he walks out on me and goes to his mom's. I get the feeling he just drifts on forever when he is that way and nothing about me matters to him.

He has been expressing a lot of anger and hurt lately. I ask to talk about it and he says "nevermind", then he will barely speak to me.

Honestly he is treating ME like I am the one who cheated and did all of those things he did. Whenever he comes back around, all he wants to do is tell me how damaging and ill I am. It's been really disheartening to realize he feels that way about me and is trying to get me to skew my world view so out of alignment.

What is that? Why would he think I would agree with his views. I never agree with them, usually I skip over agreeing and go direct to letting him know I understand how he feels... empathy.. and empathy is not agreement, it's just saying I understand he is feeling a certain way.

It's called gaslighting. He wants to shift his wrong doings onto you. It will drive you crazy trying to figure out a Wayward's mind.

That's why Plan B is for your well being. The darker your Plan B the better for you.

Ok, I totally understand that.

How soon can you get the locks changed and a transfer at work?

If I don't hear back from him by 9AM tomorrow morning, I will call a locksmith and change the locks. I'd like to get it done before the weekend.

As far as work, I am told I can start going to the office across town instead of coming into this office. Or I can work a few days here and there from home if I like. They don't care as long as I get things done on deadline. With internet and skype conferencing and all of that, it really isn't that hard to avoid where he is.

What do I do about the gaslighting and projecting if he comes back and agrees to things? Because these things have been nearly pathological. I have had him do something right in front of me and then insist he didn't do what he just did. I mean like 3 feet from where I am standing. Of course I tell him I am not that silly as to agree with him trying to deny it. But it happens over and over. It's utterly exhausting.