When I say increasing conflict, I would ignore her behavior until she escalated it to something that shocked me enough that I would tell her to leave me alone. For exampled she stole the sim card from my husbands cell phone and she began texting me all
about how he no longer loved me and wanted to be with her because he can't live without her love.

Don't be embarrassed that your "Taker" showed rebellion.

Have you learned about "giver" and "taker" yet?

A brief review is included in the "Buyers Renters Freeloaders" link in my sig line.

Your TAKER is the gal who loves you unconditionally. She's the one who holds her tongue for as long as she can, and then the anger explodes.

Read up on it.

No. I didn't have a problem. I don't have a problem with it in any other areas of my life. I get along wonderfully with family and friends, my co-workers, etc.

With him, oh he was so precious to me, I never had temper with him. I would tell him if I didn't like something, but I was so careful never to be unkind about it. We didn't have any problems with my temper until a few years into things when I started letting him know I didn't like some things he was doing with regard to his ex wife. She was harrassing me. And if I responded to her in any way, he would nail me to the wall on it. He said that I was only creating conflict and "catfighting" over him. And he told me he didn't really care how his ex felt, but he cared about how his little girl felt. And by responding to his ex, I was upsetting her, and then would upset his daughter by going crazy. He told me THIS IS MY CHILD!

Then it really degraded from there. It became constant increasing conflict with the lady, until one day he just walked out.
What I didn't know then was he had re-engaged with her and was trying to conceal it and was beating me into not talking to his ex, because she was telling me he was over there with her and he was scared I would figure it out.

I have had a terrible time with the issues over his co-worker. He says I am scapegoating her. Maybe to some degree. I do think on that. It occured to me recently that possibly I am transferring all of my pain and anger to someone who doesn't deserve the strength of what I dumped on her. But she really has made clear over and over that she will run to my husband and use him to bully me back. She just listens and turns around and goes to him and he attacks me over it, threatening divorce, calling me insane, dangerous, unstable... and he makes sure SHE knows he is doing it.

and I am wondering if I created the monster he is acting like. :(((

The ex wife would steal the sim card from his cell phone when
My mother was married twice. My father was a serial cheater, drunk, and physically abused her. She wanted to kill him one day, she said, instead she left him that day, divorced him, and I only saw him twice, as an adult, after that before he died. Mom remarried, and my stepfather passed away from cancer in 2005. She has since been on her own and my greatest supporter and advocate. She is a wonderful, kind, gentle, and generous person.

I sent him the conditions letter. I haven't sent the second one, so I will do that by email today. I didn't know about the second letter.

I called his mom. She says come over, but apparantly he came home early too, and took his things , clothing, etc from there and has taken off for elsewhere. She has no idea.


He is running away from all of us.


I will send the letter through email and make sure he is blocked, and am going over to his mother's now to drop off the boxes of his most used personal effects. Half the furniture would be going otherwise and I kind of don't feel like sitting on the floor when I watch his big screen tv.