Yes.

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People who have bothered to reply to you:

BrainHurts
Markos
Jedi Knight
LongWayFromHome
Pineneedle
Sugar Cane
Gamma
Nerlycrzy
Pepperband

True, but I've posted a few times looking for some advice and WEEKS have gone by with no response. I know I'm not the only one on this site here for advice, but gosh dang, ya know?

Weeks really?

I have personally spent a lot of my own time trying to help you.

You still haven't done a proper exposure because you haven't found out who OM is.

What are you doing to kill the affair?

Why wouldn't you do EVERYTHING in your power to find out who OM is and protect your DDS from OM?

Can you hire a PI?

Until late last week, I had zero money and zero income. I had just run out of money and had to borrow $50 to eat. My WW gave me "my half" of our federal refund which came at the right time. I may hire a PI to run his license plate and find out about him but what can I do, threaten him? I'm not about to get myself arrested. The most I can do I suppose is to get a criminal background and whatever else a PI can dig up. Even so, I can't afford a lot.

Let's not forget that she got a restraining order/no contact order and I can't go to my own house. I don't know her status with the OM, either. I don't know how often they are together, if they stay overnight together with/without the girls - nothing.

On the positive side, I have been offered a 6-month contract position with the state. It was supposed to begin last Wednesday but some bureaucrat who needs to sign off has been out of town so I am waiting, like usual. I will be making good money, but again, I never count my chickens when all I see are eggs.

As I mentioned a while ago, I have been getting a lot of advice from a friend who has been through all this and restored his marriage using Dr. Harley's techniques. His wife cheated, and they were separated for 2 years. I have a hard time trusting because it all seems so counterintuitive.

Some things he thinks might be positive:

She texted me about her rings, which I moved from the place she had put them, asking if I had sold them. She gave me some story about wanting to give them to the girls down the road. I hid them because I was afraid she would sell them. In any case, I did not answer her texts because it would have violated the no contact order. She dropped it, didn't get mad or anything and hasn't mentioned them since. My friend seems to think that she's thinking things through. Who knows.

Another sign...? She asked my opinion about taking the girls to the lake for the weekend, if I thought it was a good idea, and if I thought it wasn't, asked me if I would watch them for the weekend. I told her it should be fine as long as they have good life vests. She's not one to do risky things with the girls. She gave me Monday with them to make up for it. And, she seemed a bit angry Monday morning and I'm not sure why. It might be that I didn't even mention her birthday which was the Friday before. Oh well - no contact order, babe. I also think that she might not have had a good a time as she might have hoped. The girls both got sick on the trip, and she was sick Monday afternoon when I took them back to her. SAnd got everywhere, too - never fun.

Another thing that I have noticed is that when I pick up/drop off the girls, she has been hanging around closer to the front rather than hiding in her office like she did at first. I should mention that the exception to the RO is the exchange of the girls at our retail business. She has an office about halfway back. Lately she has been making herself a lot more visible. She looks good, too.

One more thing. I have still not answered the divorce summons. Her lawyer mentioned it during the RO hearing in April, and I got the form that day. I have not filed it, and I have not received anything from her or her lawyer. Whether she is holding off, I do not know. I am hoping.

If she does proceed, I don't think I will contest. I am going to let her have whatever. I'm sure she'll give me what is mine but I don't care about the house or business. She will lose them all by herself anyway and have only herself to blame at that point. I don't want to create ANY source of future animosity if she ever emerges from the fog so I will not fight her for anything.

Not seeing my kids is the most difficult. When I start this job I will see them on Saturdays and that is it. Maybe every other Sunday, not sure yet. Still not enough. I need to read to them before bed and be there for them as long as I can. I am missing their childhood and it kills me. The longer this goes on, the more resentment I have toward her.

I'll wrap for tonight.

I am no veteran, but I think I understand Dr. Harley's advice. You are pretty much still at ground zero. This affair you realize started a year ago, and has benn going on the entire time you wrre separated. It is deeply entrenched. Have you read surviving an affair? Write to the radio show, as BH advised. They will address your situation and send you a copy of the book. In the meantime see if you can get it at the library. As was mentioned to you earlier waywards usually follow the same script. It's amazing. "i love you but I'm not in love with you" verbatim.

Anyway, you know this guy was the same one from the cabin last year. Is he a co-worker? That might be the best chance you have at breaking up the affair. You need to expose that scumbag to the people HE cares about. So even though you've been separated for a while, you only just started. According to Dr. H. most affairs only last 6 mths after having seen the light of day. As the vets said you needed to plan A. Plan A shows your WW that you are a gd option for her. I'm not sure if you can plan A at all with this no contact order. Perhaps a smile? Does the no contact order have an end date? Maybe the next time shyou see her say you would love to talk and suggest she lift the order?

Believe me I understand your frustration.

The reason to find out who OM is to expose him to his family and friends.

To find out if this OM has a background and to keep him from your daughters.

If you can kind find out his name then you could do some researches on your own (operation investigate) for little money. Can you borrow money from family? Credit card?

To not threaten, but to Confront him. Please listen to these clips.
"Don't Put up with OM" per Dr. Harley

Also this.
"I Encourage BHs to Confront OM" Dr. Harley

Also, I have advised you to email the Harleys (and if you become a caller they would send you free book). So why wouldn't you do that?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

He is not a coworker. He was the friend of my WW's client/friend's boyfriend. The four of them spent the weekend at a lake and they met either there or shortly before then. I don't know that there was anything physical at that time, but I am pretty sure that the physical affair has been ongoing for 5-8 months. She bought a new comforter for the bed, new shower curtain for the guest bathroom, and I noticed she started sleeping on 'my' side of the bed because OM was sleeping on her side. I understand that she did this so it did not feel like OUR bed. These indicators are pretty accurate, I think.

I know nothing about OM other than his first name and his license plate number. I also have phone numbers from WWs cell phone records I could have investigated. By the way, her coworkers are siding with her, of course, partly because she is their boss and because one in particular is a cheater herself. The betrayed is always at fault, right?

I will email the show with my situation because I really am like a deer in the headlights right now. I am not sure what my next step should be.

yup the Harleys are really good at responding quickly. If you include your phone number you can be a caller on the show.

Yes. When can you do this?

Wow. WW demanded that I buy two car seats (at $165 each) because she is tired of having to take them out of her car and put them back in when we exchange the girls. I barely cashed the tax refund check and she's already dictating to me how I am to spend it. Unbelievable.

A bit of a rant, but it just tells me that she has no intention of reconciling. I am getting the feeling I should just get the divorce over with and accept that I will barely ever see my kids.

I did email and got a response. I've been asked to be on the show next week. Is that show actually broadcast on any stations or is it internet only?

I got a quote yesterday from a PI - $70 for a full background check that includes

criminal history
credit
residential
professional licenses
past associates
relatives
phone numbers.

Sounds reasonable.

Extremely. Cheaper than the two carseats! Go for it.

I just replied to the PI and noticed that his first name is the same as the OM's. Uh oh... what are the chances? LOL

Fantastic.

Let us know when you're on.

Did you pay for the background check?

The show is broadcast in Minnesota

Just spoke with Joyce Harley - I agreed to be on next week. I am kinda nervous, despite the fact that I actually have a broadcasting degree =o\