Stop pretending like you are a victim of adultery. You are NOT. You handed your husband over to another woman wilingly.

If you read the other threads here, you will find that all of the BS's are living the most painful form of torture imaginable and that most of us did absolutely nothing to deserve it. So when we hear that you signed your husband up for swim lessons and now are shocked that he got wet, it's a bit hard to follow. There is great advice to be found here (and first and foremost in Dr Harley's books), but please don't expect a pass for your role in this. The vets here can be very helpful, just take the honesty with the advice.

So what advice would you give me? That is of course why I am here.

Believe me I understand that I played with fire and got burned. I really am just trying to repair it if possible. I am not trying to compare my situation to anyone else's.

Sadly, I am too much of a mess to be help to anyone. Have some great vets on board, so just try to take their advice (it's not always easy). You can read my thread and see what a hot mess I am as well!

Stop telling people that he is having an affair and take some accountability for your own role here. Go to him on bended knee and tell him you are so sorry for condoning adultery and will never do it again. Ask him if he will go through a program that will help you fall in love again.

MelodyLane do you have any suggestions for such a program? I looked at Retrovaille but no one here has much good to say about that.

Dr. Harley's program is the best around.

This is your best bet:
Marriage Builders Program

Marriage Builders..

Lol. Now I seem kind of dense seeing as how I am on the marriage builders website. . I have purchased and read all of the books. My husband is of course the reluctant one. Perhaps the online siminar will help with his reluctance.

Show it to him and see what he thinks.
You might start with a session or two with Steve Harley, who is very good at bringing reluctant spouses on board. And THEN go to the online course.

Here's a good clip. The BH let his WW swing and now their marriage is destroyed.
Radio clip on Swinging
Segment #2

Another one.
Radio Clip on Swinging

Okay, so I know I made mistakes in my marriage that caused my husband to fall in love with the OW. But I do want to end up with a happy connected forever marriage to my husband. We started counseling sessions with Steve three weeks ago after a discovery they were still in contact. I did complete disclosure to our friends and family and her Facebook friends and family. They said they were ending it. No contact letters sent and no contact plans developed. Found out again they were still in contact by putting a recorder in his car (this past Monday) Steve said I should do Plan B and to ask you guys for help. I know most of you don't want to help me, but I do recognize I helped this happen. I want to work to fix my marriage.

I've spoken to a lawyer about legal separation. I've written up how I want my husband to tell our children he is leaving. Steve said to be honest with our kids in words they can understand. My husband is now stalling won't tell the boys. What should I do?

He is not sleeping in our home. But I let him talk the boys for the day To go to the lake.

Where is he living?

Who did you expose to on OW's side?
Do you have an IM?

How to Plan B Correctly

I think he has stayed in a hotel the past two nights.

I told her mother, sister, and friends on Facebook. I've also spoken to her husband.

I think I've found an IM. It is a friend of his who thinks my husband is just making horrible decisions. He seems pretty neutral. The IM agrees with my decisions.

The OW sent an email to her friend and family saying she was going to work on her marriage. Her mother and sister are in support of the affair. He stayed with her sister when he was out of town for work a few weeks ago. And he said he has occasionally spoken to her mother and sister on the phone (their phone numbers were programmed in the second phone).

I hate that they are in support of this!!

Her mother and sister are in support of the affair. (WH) stayed with her sister when he was out of town for work a few weeks ago. And he said he has occasionally spoken to her mother and sister on the phone...The OW sent an email to her friend and family saying she was going to work on her marriage.

Well, okay then....her BH must be soooo relieved!