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Her getting messages from the other man and not responding is not enough. She will be triggered every time she hears from him. And your fears will be ignited every time it happens. She needs to build a wall he can't get through.
I would start by leaving facebook.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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She is very upset by this thread right now. All I have done is tell you what I have seen over the past month that we've been trying to reconcile. She just tried to smash her phone and said she doesn't want it anymore, she said its causing too much trouble.
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"She did give me access to her Facebook on my phone and I did see a message come in from om once. She then took it away from me and says she has not logged in since an has deactivated her FB account. All of which I have to take her word for, it"
None of this is an indication that she deleted her Facebook. How would you have proof of this? What would you find if you exchange phones with her tonight?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She is very upset by this thread right now. All I have done is tell you what I have seen over the past month that we've been trying to reconcile. She just tried to smash her phone and said she doesn't want it anymore, she said its causing too much trouble. Sounds pretty dramatic. Trying to remove some evidence?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm sorry she's upset, but you know, what she did is very upsetting.
I think smashing the phone is a great idea. Then kill the facebook account. Hand over the passwords to all her old accounts to you and then you change them.
If you two can walk the steps here you can recover and have a wonderful marriage. Many people here have done it. But the first step is to provide security for the marriage -- verified no contact, for life.
If she'll walk this road, and you are willing to walk it, we'll have you acting in a way that will have her happy beyond belief (and vice versa).
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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My situation...wife's phone number changed, FB totally shut down, one email jointly between wife and I, we go everywhere together, except work, and I ha e access to work email..
We also moved from a brand new home to get out of the immediate area so wife and OM would not be in the same community...
You must set the perimeter s based on MB principles and insist she comply or be done until she is on board.
I don't mean to sound insensitive, but this is serious emotional pain and the things she does or does not do will be what keeps you sleeping at night...
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What is there to be so upset about?
I don't see anything on this thread to be upset about, unless she is hiding something ...
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Perhaps all of you that are "trying to help" should take a look at "My Story" - many of the things that are being "suggested" have been done - for eg. I have NO facebook account, I have NO email account, my phone number has been changed RNR has access to EVERYTHING, and has a 24 hour schedule of my whereabouts at all times and ways to contact and verify that as well, the Affair IS over (thank you "Prisca" for suggesting otherwise)
FWW, 36
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She is very upset by this thread right now. All I have done is tell you what I have seen over the past month that we've been trying to reconcile. She just tried to smash her phone and said she doesn't want it anymore, she said its causing too much trouble. How about just exchanging your phones? See for yourself if that POS calls, emails or contacts her on Facebook. By the way, you know how long it takes to reactivity a Facebook page? About 2 seconds.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Perhaps all of you that are "trying to help" should take a look at "My Story" - many of the things that are being "suggested" have been done - for eg. I have NO facebook account, I have NO email account, my phone number has been changed RNR has access to EVERYTHING, and has a 24 hour schedule of my whereabouts at all times and ways to contact and verify that as well, the Affair IS over (thank you "Prisca" for suggesting otherwise) Then there's no problem, right? Just stay open and be glad for him to check any of these things at any time. When my wife and I started posting here together, we were given the following advice: read each other's threads, but don't post on each other's threads, and don't respond on your own thread to stuff on each other's threads because it makes a nasty back and forth.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Perhaps all of you that are "trying to help" should take a look at "My Story" - many of the things that are being "suggested" have been done - for eg. I have NO facebook account, I have NO email account, my phone number has been changed RNR has access to EVERYTHING, and has a 24 hour schedule of my whereabouts at all times and ways to contact and verify that as well, the Affair IS over (thank you "Prisca" for suggesting otherwise) Here is what your husband said: "We are reconciling in the same apartment. She did give me access to her Facebook on my phone and I did see a message come in from om once. She then took it away from me and says she has not logged in since an has deactivated her FB account. All of which I have to take her word for" All of this is based on what you TOLD him. A 24 hour schedule is based on what you TELL him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Perhaps all of you that are "trying to help" should take a look at "My Story" - many of the things that are being "suggested" have been done - for eg. I have NO facebook account, I have NO email account, my phone number has been changed RNR has access to EVERYTHING, and has a 24 hour schedule of my whereabouts at all times and ways to contact and verify that as well, the Affair IS over (thank you "Prisca" for suggesting otherwise) Why are you so snippy when it is questioned whether you are doing what needs to be done? What are you hiding?
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No, it is based on the 8 1-2 hours I am NOT physically with him, he can verify I'm at work by calling my boss.
FWW, 36
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Prisca - it was not "questioned" as you state above, what you said is "the affair is not over" -
FWW, 36
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No, it is based on the 8 1-2 hours I am NOT physically with him, he can verify I'm at work by calling my boss. How does he verify you are not in contact with the OM, though?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She is very upset by this thread right now. All I have done is tell you what I have seen over the past month that we've been trying to reconcile. She just tried to smash her phone and said she doesn't want it anymore, she said its causing too much trouble. How about just exchanging your phones? See for yourself if that POS calls, emails or contacts her on Facebook. By the way, you know how long it takes to reactivity a Facebook page? About 2 seconds. YES! Facebook needs to be blocked. Reactivating an account is too easy to do. Creating a new account is easy, too. Get rid of it totally.
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Prisca - it was not "questioned" as you state above, what you said is "the affair is not over" - *i* said that based on his comment tonight and the fact that he has only has your word the affair is over: "She says she has cut off all communication but I can't be sure. Over the past month that we have been trying reconciling I have seen Facebook messages from him to her and her to him. I have also see messages coming in on her phone from him. She says she was not responding but I am pretty sure she was, she said it was her cousin? I'm trying to trust her but I keep seeing these things. I am unsure about her e-mail."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Prisca - it was not "questioned" as you state above, what you said is "the affair is not over" - If it's over, why be offended? Show him. Prove it.
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mrs_cen, getting angry at us or your husband is not going to help your marriage at all.
For the record, Dr. Harley told me that I absolutely needed to take anger management and eliminate angry outbursts from my life. I know a thing or two about anger.
If everything is fine, as you say, then there is no reason in the world to get angry at us or your husband for checking every bit of the story. Just keep opening up and wait to be vindicated.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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And quit posting on your husband's thread, okay?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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