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Sorry, I won't post anything more about this tonight. I do have question about my job. I am a driller on a rig, I usually work three weeks away from home and one week off. I have not worked since I found all this out because I wanted to be home with our daughter. I will have to go back to work on the rig soon. How will this affect my situation?
Last edited by RNR2013; 05/23/13 11:12 PM.
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I will finish reading " Surviving an affair" this weekend.
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Sorry, I won't post anything more about this tonight. I do have question about my job. I am a driller on a rig, I usually work three weeks away from home and one week off. I have not worked since I found all this out because I wanted to be home with our daughter. I will have to go back to work on the rig soon. How will this affect my situation? The effect will not be good. Nights apart are murder on marriage, are murder for the intimacy in marriage, and are of course a perfect opportunity for affairs to happen and reignite.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Sorry, I won't post anything more about this tonight. I do have question about my job. I am a driller on a rig, I usually work three weeks away from home and one week off. I have not worked since I found all this out because I wanted to be home with our daughter. I will have to go back to work on the rig soon. How will this affect my situation? The effect will not be good. Nights apart are murder on marriage, are murder for the intimacy in marriage, and are of course a perfect opportunity for affairs to happen and reignite. So, you are sating that if we are to make this work I will need a career change?
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Do not expect her to remain faithful while you are gone.
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So, you are sating that if we are to make this work I will need a career change? YES.
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I would suspect, in fact, that she's doing "just enough" to get by right now, waiting for you to leave ...
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So, you are sating that if we are to make this work I will need a career change? EMPHATICALLY. You should never spend the night apart again.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Could someone please tell me what she has to do to show me that it is over and won't happen again? I don't know what needs to be done.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Could someone please tell me what she has to do to show me that it is over and won't happen again? I don't know what needs to be done. And this Recovery After an Affair
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Together the two of you need to change the circumstances that led to the affair; you need to make sure those circumstances never happen again. You need to make it impossible for OM to ever contact her again. If she balks at this, then it can't be done and you will have no assurance. And the two of you need to fall in love again, using the procedures described by Dr. Harley on this site. After an affair the marriage needs to become better than it ever was, and the problems that existed before in the marriage need to be finally fixed. Her complaints as well as yours will have to be addressed and situations corrected. Have you watched Dr. Harley's video on infidelity yet? http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi1001_infidelity0.htmlHere is Dr. Harley's plan for recovery after an affair, including making the marriage affair proof so that an affair can never happen again: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/mb2.cfm?recno=4&sublink=33
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I don't know how I can? I have a daughter to provide for. I do have a city job right now while we are working on this but I don't think it will pay the bills for long. Although right now I say that, if trust is slowly established than I think I could leave my job.
Last edited by RNR2013; 05/23/13 11:45 PM.
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There has got to be a way. I think Dr. Harley has counseled several guys who've worked on oil rigs and they've found other jobs close to home.
Thinking of your daughter, whether you recover your marriage or not - she's going to be without you for much of the time if you stay in this job. And if the affair reignites, she'll be raised mostly under her mother's care. Men or women in affairs do not make good parents. And many OM (other men) are also pedophiles and predators. They are not exactly know for high morals.
The best possible outcome for your daughter is to continue to live with both her parents, full time, with no affair going on, in a recovered marriage. But there is no way to recover your marriage if you are gone so much.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Three weeks offshore and one week home. Think about that. Three-quarters of your married life is spent apart from your wife. You spend much more of your life living as a single man than as a husband, and the same for her as a wife.
What kind of marriage is that? How close a marriage is that?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Sorry, I won't post anything more about this tonight. I do have question about my job. I am a driller on a rig, I usually work three weeks away from home and one week off. I have not worked since I found all this out because I wanted to be home with our daughter. I will have to go back to work on the rig soon. How will this affect my situation? The effect will not be good. Nights apart are murder on marriage, are murder for the intimacy in marriage, and are of course a perfect opportunity for affairs to happen and reignite. So, you are sating that if we are to make this work I will need a career change? Do not expect her to remain faithful while you are gone. So, you are sating that if we are to make this work I will need a career change? EMPHATICALLY. You should never spend the night apart again. I think you should underdstand no nights apart means a new job for you.
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I am in love with my wife otherwise I would not still be around. She has stated that she does not think this forum is good for us but I think it is needed. My wife has said that she will not be returning here but I will continue to seek help from you all. I have not finishe the book yet but I will begin reading it again tonight. I asked my wife to continue posting to receive help but she flat out refused, even if it means ending our marriage.
Last edited by RNR2013; 05/27/13 09:18 AM.
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RNR, I am glad you came back. Don't force her to come here. We can help you lead your marriage out of the ditch.
The biggest issue in your marriage is going to be your job and the overnight travel. Have you given this some thought?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm not forcing her although I did say I hoped she would. As for my job, we have decided that I will take some time away just to see if I can ever rebuild trust again. I however, don't see why I should have to give up a 12 year career for something I never did. If it has to end it will if not than we will live a happy life together. I'm leaving it to My wife and god to work this out. I'm goin to do my part and be a husband to the woman I love.
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As for my job, we have decided that I will take some time away just to see if I can ever rebuild trust again. I however, don't see why I should have to give up a 12 year career for something I never did.. You should give it up because it is bad for your marriage. But you already know this - you have learned this the hard way. This is very probably the reason your wife had the affair. If you won't do this, there is no point in trying to recover. You have to be together every day to create a happy, passionate marriage. A job where you are apart all the time is an invitation to an affair. And it is impossible to create a romantic, passionate marriage if you are apart. Your career should complement your marriage, not the other way around. Anything that comes BEFORE your marriage will eventually come between you. And your traveling job has done exactly that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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