As for maintaining employment, I've been ordered to pay $500/mo child support and I don't even have a job. Does the court expect me to knock over a bank to pay this?? When I do start working, it will probably be more. Then I've been saddled with a bunch of other debt that is really the business' debt, but since she had a lawyer and I didn't they stuck it to me hard. Oh, and the court ordered me to pay for her lawyer. WTF? WTFingF??

I understand why people don't get married. I am never getting married again, I guarantee that. I would recommend against it.

I don't really care about all the stuff she's taken from me. It's just stuff. I have lived a more spiritual, spartan life the past year. It will serve as a reminder of what she has taken IF the time ever comes when she grows a conscience.

I talked to her dad knight. He mentioned that her brother said (referring to me and his sister) that "the marriage was over years ago and I need to move on". But then again, he is just like her and his ex wife did exactly the same thing to him his sister is doing to me. He had an opportunity to save his marriage, but his stubbornness and pride prevented him from acting. She has the same personality as he does, so I am not holding my breath.

Love busters? Everything I do is a love buster. She hates the sight of me and can't even look me in the eye any more. I just keep my head down and mouth shut just to avoid ANY conflict.

After today I might have to amend my last post. I have had enough of the manipulation and said a couple things today. She needs SOMEONE to tell her what a vindictive (expletive) she is being. Not exactly an ideal Plan A, but I am only responding in kind when I do speak up.

On a hilarious note, I went to pick up the girls and noticed about $4000 in damage to the front end of her car. She hit something, I'm not sure what. Screwed it up real pretty. Needs a new bumper, hood, maybe a fender. I could only laugh because my MB-experienced friend told me that stuff like that would start to happen to her when her fantasy world starts to unravel.

She is a cheating lying [censored].
That's the truth.
And you need to keep your mouth closed in plan A and tell her that her looks nice.
I know it's not fair but that's your only chance.

Your words caused a big withdrawal last night.
Let's work on making deposits from now on. Can you do that?

She was already seething because I was late. This has been going on for over a year. At some point I had expected her to soften up but she has not. I really do believe she is going to ride this train all the way. Like I said however many pages ago, this woman has apologized to be maybe twice in 11 years. She has never held herself accountable for her actions, ever. She is going to change now? Why?

She isn't going to change now.
She's in love with another man and in the fog.

If you can't deal with the terrible stress of plan A then you should plan B.
But plan A is your only hope of winning her back and t that time MB program will address her refusal to apologize

Let me show you what I said to her via text. It wasn't necessarily a super-damaging love-busting thing, I don't think, it was just a slice of honesty that I felt I had to get off my chest. I haven't told her about how I felt about all this in a long time and needed to let her know. Keep in mind the extremely one-sided divorce settlement that left me with nothing.

I was late picking my girls up at the business, and she texted me that I was selfish because I was disappointing my girls because they were excited to go to church with me. Between you guys and me, I had a huge brain fart and thought that next weekend was my Sunday.. the weeks have been blurring together. Maybe some of you can relate. Anyway, she had texted me earlier and I had that "oh crap" moment and got my butt out the door as fast as I could.

So I am selfish, okay? I took a bit of offense to that because I have said yes to every single request that she has ever made with regard to my kids. She accused me of making excuses to get out of seeing them, which is exactly the opposite of reality. So she is calling me selfish for being late, right? Contrast that with some of the things she has done: Lie, cheat, file for divorce, take everything I have worked for, taken all the time away from my kids that I can never ever get back. And she calls ME selfish. Unreal.

So I texted her what was on my mind...

"I am selfish? Are you kidding? Maybe one day years from now when you've finally grown up, you will realize what you've taken from me. I'm not talking about the house or the business. I don't care about that stuff. You are selfish beyond comprehension."

Maybe a tad harsh, but not necessarily untrue. It's the most I've said to her in weeks. I am hoping it will make her think about what I might be telling her. The biggest thing that breaks my heart is the time that I am losing with my girls. I feel like I am being robbed, and all the days and weeks that are adding up I will never be able to get back, no matter what happens. I am sure she thinks that maybe I am 'getting what I deserve' in exchange for whatever resentment she has built up, but it is in no way a fair trade. Not even close.

So I hope you understand why I popped off a little today. I have been exercising incredible restraint. Even so, I think I kept it somewhat civil, all things considered.

What do you mean the MB program will address her refusal to apologize?

She is a selfish pig.
But don't tell her that!
In the future PLEASE do not respond to text messages without posting here for advice first.
The other posters and I can give you responses That would HELP plan A and make love bank deposits.
Your responses are shooting yourself in the foot.

The MB Recovery program is a program where she WORKS to earn forgiveness.
It is NOT a "forgive me I'm sorry program. "

It is a program where forgiveness is earned through "just compensation"

Oh, that would be the truth. believe me. But I would be very surprised if she ever reconsidered, even if I executed a perfect Plan A. You're saying that she would be aware of the MB program and willing to participate at that point, right?

I came up with a graph the other day of what would need to happen. I think visually a lot since that is my line of work



-------O-- = marital bliss, constant love bank deposits

----O--X-- = typical marriage

-X--X----- = marriage totally broken
(1) (2) (3)


Now, I am on the bottom line (step 1), she would have to start on the middle line (step 2) and travel all the way up to the top line just to drag me back up to the middle (step 3). Then from there maybe we could end up somewhere above the middle line and stay there. Common knowledge to all you guys I'm sure, but I thought I'd share it as a visual aid since some people learn easily that way.

Radio Clip of BlindSidedNM's Call
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

Eventually her affair will die. Most die within 6 months of exposure. Only 5% make it past the 2 year mark!

Here's another way of loOking at it:

Your LB balance with her: -$25000
OM LB balance with her: $50000
Last nights text to her withdrew another $500 from your account
She is romantically in love at $40000

As conflict occurs in the affair (which is inevitable) OM will make demands of her, and disrespectful comments. Each one withdrawals $500 from his account. He can try to make up for it by talking with her (meeting emotional needs of conversation) but makes small deposits, meeting this need may only deposit $25 a day.

He will make withdrawals faster than deposits and she will fall out of love with him.
At that time she will compare and contrast between you (father of her children) and him.
You want her to see a GOOD image and option of returning to you!
You need to communicate that you are sorry for the mistakes of the past and MAKE the changes she wanted to see during the marriage. Make the changes NOW!

I was talking with my MB friend today, and I had an epiphany. Not a good one, either. It is speculative but it makes sense. I think there is a real possibility that my wife has been talking to the OM since August 2010. That's the first time he was in her business and is likely when they first met. She got pregnant with our little one in February of 2011, and was not happy about it (if you can imagine). Some time after that she declared the marriage "over" even before our daughter was born. I think there is a real possibility that she started her affair with this guy while she was still pregnant. She was very distant during that time and we didn't talk about things very much. I did not want to upset her during her pregnancy so I just tried to be nice and supportive, but she just didn't soften up at all. I hope I am wrong but wow.. if I am right it would be quite a slap in the face.

Perhaps a DNA test is necessary to put your mind at ease.

No, she is my kid - she looks just like me. I don't think anything happened before she got pregnant, but it disturbs me that the affair could have begun when she was pregnant. It just makes it all the more sinister.

Blindside,
You need to decide what you want to do.
If you want to win her back, you need to follow Dr Harleys advice and perform a stellar Plan A.

If you are through with her, then you should enter Plan B.

You need to direct your emotional efforts into one of these plans.

What do you want to do?

I don't know that I have a choice. As much as I resent what she did to me, I can't ignore the fact that I think about her all the time and imagine things being fine, and every time I see her it takes me back to the first time I ever saw her and knew that I wanted to be with her. Our girls deserve to have their parents together, too.

You do have a choice take some time and figure out what you want. Waffling and being a part of procrastination nation won't help.

That was a figure of speech. Of course I would choose to restore my family. I wouldn't be here otherwise, right? Anything other than having my family together just doesn't make any sense to me.

Okay.
Then you need to focus on plan A.
From now on, can you commit to posting any text messages you get from her before responding to them?
This will allow experienced plan A warriors to help you write a response that makes deposits, not withdrawals