That is great! I made some slight changes above. You don't want to even bring up any rumors about divorce, etc.

thanks!

You don't want to even bring up any rumors about divorce, etc.

i added that because she told her mom that she's dating someone who's getting a divorce and her mom encouraged her because she doesn't like the current BF.

WH wrote a great NC letter and we sent it last night. I was worried that he was just going to call her today and say that I put him up to it, but he spent an hour writing it when he could've just used the form letter that i gave him.

just curious - if if were to discover, say, this week, that they were having contact and i went ahead with a far and wide exposure. would i also plan b him at the same time? this wouldn't be the first time that he said they weren't having contact and i found out that they were. he could just swear no contact again and i'd still be in plan a limbo checking up on his every move. could be dangerous to go to straight plan b because her boyfriend would prob move out and my WH could move right in. do i give him a chance to get it together again after a full exposure (all his side already knows) or try to really get thru to him with a plan b (i think it'll scare the crap out of him).

also, what happens if you do really thorough plan b (change locks, move his stuff out without him knowing, etc) and the next day he says he'll agree to everything to come back - do you let him? is there a plan b minimum?

How are the exposures going??

need help fast! exposures done - everyone is pissed! wh is on his way home, says he's moving out and wants a divorce. do i let him decide to stay or go (he may calm done by the time he gets here) or tell him to leave and go plan b???
and for the record, they really weren't having any contact for the past couple of weeks.

Mimi,

I asked you if you exposed the OM, the reason being is that it will seem unfair to your BH/WH if you exposed BH/OW without exposing OM/yourself.

There has been no downside for OM!

God Bless
Gamma

his bosses and co workers know about me - he has no contact to family and i wouldn't track down his kids and tell them. that's a whole 'nother can of worms. i found out, after the fact, that the trainer has been doing this for years and that 6 years ago, a woman was leaving her husband for him and the husband killed her while their kids were sleeping, he then went to jail and hung himself in jai, the kids were left without parents - i found this out about a month ago. it's common knowledge, his bosses and most of the gym members know, i just never found out.

Good job on exposure.

Who did you expose to?

All waywards are angry after exposure.

Put your best Plan A on and get your typical responses ready. "Sorry you're angry hun, but I will not live with 3 people in our marriage. Would you like a cookie?"

he never came home - i tracked him to an airport and it looks like they took off together on the first flight. i sent him this text in response to him moving out - "I'm sorry to hear that you're moving out. I was under the impression that our marriage and the family we made meant something to you. Would you like me to start packing your things?" - no response.

i exposed to her boyfriend, his family, her coworkers and her parents. everyone on my wh's side knows, but i was thinking of sending them all an official email - this will get them all on the phone with him right away. i'm still not sure about those friends and coworkers that he doesn't see all that often - should i contact them???

i'm waiting to see where they land - i think they just flew an hour away and i'm assuming they'll stay the weekend. now do i go to plan b?? seems like the logical next step. i'm not thinking so clearly right now and i'll need to rally some people to come help me get started packing, changing locks and get someone to take my kids for the weekend.

i jumped to conclusions - it appears that he went to vegas with a guy friend. i know the guy friend is pressuring him to work on his marriage, so i guess i'll see what his state of mind is when he comes back.

Yes I would send a follow up email to his family about their weekend getaway.

Yes let's get you into Plan B.

Have you seen this?
[url=http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787]How to Plan B Correctly[/url

Ok just saw this.

How do you know he's with the guy friend?

the friend let me know he was with him. the friend (his best friend, her boss) was part of this mornings debacle (i demanded that he get my husbands office keys that she refused to give up) and sent me a text basically saying that i effed up and that it wasn't sure he would be able to fix this, but that he would try. he was planning on leaving for vegas today and my WH went with him.
WH and i were supposed to leave town for the weekend and now i'm going to go with a girlfriend

i'd love some advice before he comes back, it's so confusing knowing how to proceed.

i'm not responding to his texts, but he sent one last night saying that he's coming by on monday to pack his things. do i start pre-packing or gathering his things to show that i'm ok with him going ? and not just sitting her hoping that he'll stay. should i be at home or not when he comes by to pack? i've started some plan b prep - do i give him the letter when he's here or get it to him after?
i am planning on sending the letter to his family members after he leaves on monday - the usual exposure letter with the added "he has left the home now".

,mimi, I am confused. Did you expose the affair to all your exposure targets?

Mimi,

If you already exposed to everyone, then why do you need to send a letter?

As far as your situation goes, you have no control over your H's actions. If he wants to leave you begging, pleading, crying etc... is not going to change his mind.

My suggestion is that you calmly explain to your H that you exposed not to hurt him or get back at him but to save your marriage and start recovery. That one of the consequences of an affair is that it affects the people around you and they have a right to know.

He may or may not change his mind. You just need to keep telling him and yourself that you did not do this to hurt him but to save your marriage.

One thing that is still bothering me however is the question about whether or not you exposed your own affair. It does seem very hypocritical for you to expose your H far and wide and not yourself.

Mimi,

One thing that is still bothering me however is the question about whether or not you exposed your own affair. It does seem very hypocritical for you to expose your H far and wide and not yourself.

Please consider what 15 years has said, if this "personal trainer" is the monster you have described, then why is he still working in that profession? I suggest you threaten a lawsuit.

Because in spite of what your WH has done you still have to compensate him for what you did. Otherwise it's like saying he stole from me and then I stole from him, it doesn't help as you are both still thieves.

God Bless
Gamma

That is nonsense, Gamma. Her affair is long over. She is exposing his affair right now in order to stop it. Her affair was over and was exposed so I view your comments as an ill-timed distraction. The issue at hand is HER HUSBANDS AFFAIR.

She is in the process of trying to kill her husbands affair and now is not the time to address her long dead affair.

Just compensation has nothing to do with getting an OP fired. NOTHING.

And maybe it will be appropriate to expose the OM to his employer, but that is not the issue at hand right now. It is a matter of timing and now is not the time to focus on past issues when she is dealing a crisis in the PRESENT.