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Example EPs: A) I will protect my spouse and their feelings above all else.
B) I will not participate in any one-on-one meetings with anyone of the opposite sex.
C) I will not discuss my personal marriage issues with anyone of the opposite sex.
D) I will not attend clubs, strip joints, or any such establishment
E) I agree to use POJA as a basis for all decisions.
F) I will be open and honest with my spouse at all times about the past and present.
G) I will provide my spouse a daily schedule of all appointments and contact information.
H) If I need to make an adjustment to my schedule, I will notify my spouse of the change immediately.
I) I will make my spouse�s phone calls my highest priority by answering them or returning them immediately.
J) I will avoid all chat rooms, porn, member sites, etc.
K) I will trade phones with my spouse at any time they request, NO questions asked.
L) I will leave my phone accessible to my spouse at night/or anytime I�m home.
M) I will commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention with my spouse to meet each other�s ENs every week (time working together does not count toward those 15 hours).
N) If AP finds a way to make contact, I will immediately end the contact and notify my spouse about it immediately after.
O) I will install a keylogger, GPS, or any other tracking system my spouse may request.
P) Anytime I have the thought, �I don�t want my spouse to know about��.�, I will call my spouse immediately and tell them my thoughts.
Q) Anything else my spouse wants as a boundary.
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Your number one EP should be: No contact with OM for life
Number 2: no more nights apart
Number 3: complete transparency -- access to all phones, emails, etc for life.
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I did see it Brain, and I had a few minutes to talk to my H at lunch about it, he feels that following Dr.H's steps as well as the forum advice is the way to go, so we will be discussing the letter further tonight. This is good to see -- we will do whatever we can do to help you guys.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I did see it Brain, and I had a few minutes to talk to my H at lunch about it, he feels that following Dr.H's steps as well as the forum advice is the way to go, so we will be discussing the letter further tonight. This is good to see -- we will do whatever we can do to help you guys. Exactly.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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BS has spent the night accusing me of being dishonest - having a "secret" bank account ( there is NO secret bank account) texting and deleting people ( I suggested he contact our cell provider and ask for the records - so as to see I've not been "texting/deleting"people) suggesting I was NOT where I said was after work for half hour (returned a sundress - brought new top AND receipt with time/date stamp to show him)
I have completed the NC letter, BS has not read it, as has been busy with the above. He's said IF the NC letter is not sent by tomorrow it's over. I have NO contact info for OM, other than the cell number, am I suppose to text him and ask for his address? I have no idea what I'm supposed to do - only if I don't do SOMETHING it's over.
FWW, 36
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You guys can't find him with Google and his name?
Stay transparent with your husband so he can verify everything himself. Be sure not to react negatively to him wanting to verify anything.
HOWEVER,
husband should not be going about this in an angry manner. If he feels angry, he needs to go off by himself and not say or do anything until he calms down.
I say this as a formerly angry man with a formerly wayward wife: Dr. Harley says neither of these conditions is tolerable if you want to save your marriage!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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suggesting I was NOT where I said was after work for half hour (returned a sundress - brought new top AND receipt with time/date stamp to show him) Can you carry a GPS or GPS-enabled phone that he can always check to know where you are? Technology can work wonders when it comes to accountability these days.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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suggesting I was NOT where I said was after work for half hour (returned a sundress - brought new top AND receipt with time/date stamp to show him) You should not go ANYWHERE without your husband's knowledge. He should be able to contact you at any moment. I have NO contact info for OM, other than the cell number I have a hard time believing this. Do you not know his name? Do you not know where he works? Do you not know his family or friends names? Can you not look him up in a phone book? Can you not google for the information? It is NOT difficult at all to find someone's address when you have their name and number ... I have a hard time believing that you can't find SOMETHING.
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suggesting I was NOT where I said was after work for half hour (returned a sundress - brought new top AND receipt with time/date stamp to show him) You should not go ANYWHERE without your husband's knowledge. He should be able to contact you at any moment. I have NO contact info for OM, other than the cell number I have a hard time believing this. Do you not know his name? Do you not know where he works? Do you not know his family or friends names? Can you not look him up in a phone book? Can you not google for the information? It is NOT difficult at all to find someone's address when you have their name and number ... I have a hard time believing that you can't find SOMETHING. He DID know where I was, I spoke with him twice on the phone while I was at the store. 1. Yes, I know his name 2. No, I do not know where he works. 3. He had one living relative (as I previously posted) his mother, who does not share his last name - I do not know what her last name is. 4. He has a cell only, phone books in Canada use landline only. 5. I googled him after Markos suggested and came up with some men in the UK and a possible Facebook page. Any other suggestions?]
Last edited by mrs_cen; 06/04/13 10:18 PM.
FWW, 36
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Adding a location in Google is often helpful. Or a phone number.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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[
He DID know where I was, I spoke with him twice on the phone while I was at the store. How does that prove your location? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He DID know where I was, I spoke with him twice on the phone while I was at the store. Why would he doubt your location, then? What ideas do you have?
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How did you have an affair with this guy without having any contact info?
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[
He DID know where I was, I spoke with him twice on the phone while I was at the store. How does that prove your location? I would imagine the receipt I brought home, with the time/date stamp would confirm it.
FWW, 36
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How did you have an affair with this guy without having any contact info? One more time - I KNOW his name, I KNOW his cell number, we did not meet at my home, nor did we meet at his home.
FWW, 36
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[
He DID know where I was, I spoke with him twice on the phone while I was at the store. How does that prove your location? I would imagine the receipt I brought home, with the time/date stamp would confirm it. How would he know you were calling from the store??? You were on a cell phone, no?? And any halfwit could run into the store and grab a shirt off the shelf to produce a receipt. All that proves is that you ran through the store real quick. You have ALOT OF NERVE getting mad at him for not trusting you when it was YOU who destroyed that trust. Don't blame him for not trusting you. He should not trust out of his sight.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How did you have an affair with this guy without having any contact info? One more time - I KNOW his name, I KNOW his cell number, we did not meet at my home, nor did we meet at his home. hmmm, where did you meet?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
He DID know where I was, I spoke with him twice on the phone while I was at the store. How does that prove your location? I would imagine the receipt I brought home, with the time/date stamp would confirm it. How would he know you were calling from the store??? You were on a cell phone, no?? And any halfwit could run into the store and grab a shirt off the shelf to produce a receipt. All that proves is that you ran through the store real quick. You have ALOT OF NERVE getting mad at him for not trusting you when it was YOU who destroyed that trust. Don't blame him for not trusting you. He should not trust out of his sight. First of all I NEVER said I was angry MelodyLane - I started by explains the events of our evening - expressing HIS anger and asking for suggestions on how to send the NC letter. Secondly, I suppose as you said any "half-wit can run into a store etc" is indeed true, however, getting off work, speaking to him, buying the shirt and making it home within 40 minutes really doesn't leave me a lot of time to be doing "dishonest things"
FWW, 36
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How are you going to send the NC letter, mrs.cen?
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How did you have an affair with this guy without having any contact info? One more time - I KNOW his name, I KNOW his cell number, we did not meet at my home, nor did we meet at his home. hmmm, where did you meet? We met in high school, lost touch, became friends through FB.
FWW, 36
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