So true! Keep on brainstorming show your BH that you are serious and the healing can begin. Also, he might not be an angry individual to begin with but your affair crumbled that wall. He may need to take some anger management classes. I was like him anytime, I find out some bad news about my WW and her POSOM I would get angry and take it out on whoever was in proximity. Anger managment classes will help and also can be a way to show you that he is serious about protecting your feelings. There's a thread here about anger managment too. He should read it.

I will suggest that to him, he can block the number so the OM does not get the new number, or BS cell number. I did do a reverse address look up where you put in the phone number and you get an address - nothing came back on that, I will try whitepages.ca

How did it go?

mrs_cen,

You need to call the police the next time your husband touches you. He clearly has anger problems and is not safe to recover with until he gets help from his anger.

Please view the material my wife links to her in thread about what to do about an angry husband. As a former angry husband, I implore you.

I wholeheartedly agree.

I suggest you go to the police now and file a criminal report for assault.

Mrs.cen, you should continue to do what you need to do to completely break it off with the OM. Don't go back to him, he's no good for you.

BUT, do not try to reconcile with your husband unless he gets help for his anger and is able to protect you from himself.

mrs_cen, are you all right this morning? I have asked your husband if you were out on the street last night, but I'm not sure when he'll be able to answer.

Dr. Harley takes the position that angry outbursts are not to be tolerated in marriage. We back that up here on the forum! If you guys are going to recover, he is going to need to learn to completely eliminate angry outbursts. You do not have to put up with this kind of behavior.

We want to help you both.

I have encouraged your husband to contact Dr. Harley and see about one or both of you talking to Dr. Harley on his radio program. It's free, and very helpful.

I encourage you to do the same! And if for some reason RNR2013 doesn't do it, I encourage you to go forward and do it without him.

There are a lot of issues and obstacles here that you guys need to work through if you are going to recover. Not just your infidelity, but also his love busters. Dr. Harley takes the position that a marriage (even a recovered marriage after an affair) needs to be a relationship of equals, with decisions made jointly, and no demands, disrespect, or angry outbursts. He classifies these three things (demands, disrespect, and angry outbursts) as abuse and takes the position that they should not be tolerated.

FYI, my wife asked me to leave our home last year because of my continuing angry outbursts. It turns out that was very much a part of the permanent solution! (I am back now, and haven't had an angry outburst in nearly a year.)

Hi Markos/Prisca - I am alright - thank you. I did not sleep on the street. I have read Prisca's link on "Angry Husbands" and am looking into some of the other books suggested. I will look into speaking with Dr. Harley on his program as well.

We (BS) and I have come to the decision that he WILL leave the rigs, a city job DOES pay less BUT we both realize in order to repair our marriage and have a healthy future it needs to be done.

I have completed the NC letter to OM and DID get the address! I will continue to do what I have to do - following Dr. H's steps in the book. I'm now looking at starting the questionnaires that are at the end.

Okay, this is looking good, mrs_cen! Glad to hear you are all right.

Will you call the police if he ever lays a hand on you again? This is important.

That is very good to hear.
Are you mailing the NC letter today?

Which book are you looking at? I think you two would benefit from getting Lovebusters and going through it together, first. There is a workbook that goes along with it called Five Steps to Romantic Love.

After you have done that, go through His Needs, Her Needs.

If you can afford it, I highly recommend the Online Program. You will have a coach to guide you through the lessons, as well as access to Dr. Harley on the private forum. It is possible to work through the program on your own, but if you find yourself having trouble doing so, this is a GREAT way to be made accountable.

The "Lovebusters" was the one I was most interested in - and seems to be the one you guys are suggesting as well.

The NC letter WILL be mailed today, we will post it together.
He recognizes that what happened last night was NOT ok, and it can't and will not ever happen again.

Yes

Good. It's important!

One thing, I did not mention was during last night's "fiasco" between BS and I, he had asked for the NC letter, which was already addressed and ready (just needed him to look it over and be comfortable with the wording) he ripped it up. Today, he posted on being upset, because I had not brought up mailing it, he felt I "didn't really want to send it". Long story short, I re-wrote it a second time, addressed it, put a stamp on it, and am waiting for him to verify so we can post it tonight. I will not let this step be skipped, though I'm feeling very angry tonight (over last night) yet at the same time guilty (if I'd never have had the A, last night wouldn't have happened).

It makes sense to be hurt by his angry outburst. It is going to be very important for him to completely eliminate those, going forward.

It is disrespectful for him to judge you for not bringing it up or to psychoanalyze your motives. You guys are going to need to go through Love Busters (the book) and follow Dr. Harley's plan to eliminate those. Hopefully he is already starting to think about how to be more respectful.

Other than that, just get it done. Give him a copy of the letter and the info he needs; keep the discussion to a minimum and AT ALL COSTS avoid fighting. Don't start a fight over who did or didn't bring up the letter, or who should have done this or that, or whatever. You guys are a team; just do it.

Yes!

mrs_cen, I think you guys could greatly benefit from sitting down together daily to listen to Dr. Harley's radio show:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

It's going to take a lot of education to make this work, and a lot of motivation. The radio show provides some of both.