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I would add that having sex with a dating partner adds a whole new dimension of emotional investment to the relationship that is not healthy for women. Women need to feel an emotional attachment to her sex partner, and when that occurs outside of marriage, she puts herself at great risk. What if the relationship doesn't work out? It also puts her at risk of getting pregnant or getting an STD.

If a date asked me to put out as a test of future compatibility, he would be shown the door for such disrespect. If he wants to sleep with me, he will have to marry me FIRST. IT would demonstrate to me that a) he has no respect for me as a woman and b) that he sleeps around. He would not be a good choice for a husband.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by yukoncharlie51
it's at least the top 1 or 2 things couple fight about i believe - sex and money
This comment has been made so many times that it's taken on the ring of truth for some people, but it is an incomplete statement. The complete statement is more like "When couples do not use the POJA the top 1 or 2 things they may fight about is sex and money." They'll also fight about child-rearing and which brand of barbecue sauce to buy, but it's all the same - they are fighting because they don't use the POJA. It's not an issue of incompatibility per se.

Just like "money is the root of all evil" is an incomplete statement. The complete statement ("The love of money is the root of all evil") changes the thought process entirely.

Just thought I'd mention that smile


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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("The love of money is the root of all evil")

well i don't know anyone rich,and the folks i know are basically trying to keep their head above water, or make a little extra for for a family trip, car ,or maybe home improvement. I personally wouldn't call that a "love of money" and there are some people that are just not that good at sex. ( and i do find your statement a bit condescending )
money might be the root of evil - but life sure sucks without it!
as for me. i guess my last post was from my own personal life i have no intention of getting married again, been there done that .After my wife stepped out a few years ago ( grass was greener syndrome @ after 28 years of marriage but the satisfaction was when her relationship with OM imploded a few months after she left me ) i didn't do the plan A or B - i did plan D = divorce , so anyway I'm not looking back again, being 51 i'm dead yet either. And as for The women i date they know up front that I'm not looking for another legal commitment down the road some are good with it some aren't , we're all adults.
Cheers

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Dr. Harley is a researcher who actually studies these things rather than making numbers up and passing around folk wisdom. He says that there are five primary things that couples fight about (when they don't eliminate abuse, use the policy of joint agreement, and follow the four guidelines for successful negotiation), and that he's heard different people identify each and every one of them as "number one."

Those five things are:

* Conflicts Over Friends and Relatives
* Conflicts Over Career Choices and Time Management
* Conflicts Over Financial Planning
* Conflicts Over Children
* Conflicts Over Sex

Incidentally, this forum is not just a place to share our own opinions. Most of us have wrecked marriages with our own opinions. This is a place to learn and discuss Dr. Harley's principles (Marriage Builders) and to help each other learn to put his concepts into practice.

So statements like "i don't necessary agree with" are kind of irrelevant. Dr. Harley may or may not be right, but the forum purpose isn't to debate Dr. Harley!


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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i hear you marko, i didn't mean to offend anyone .Don't get me wrong i like the things Dr.Harley has to say , i listened to him when i was going through my personal mess ,and he helped , he's a straight shooter and says it like it is. I guess the things he promotes don't really apply to me now.
sometimes when you're between things, it's a hard lonely place to be.

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Dr. Harley still has some pretty good advice for singles.

You might want to check out optimism's thread on this forum.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Here you go. It's a fantastic story.
optimism's Another After Divorce Story


FWW/BW (me)
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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