"Where are you on exposure? Who all did you expose to?"

Hi,

There is nobody to expose to. By now, everyone knows: my wife's family and friends... The OM's brother knows. I assume therefore that his father knows as well.

People knowing is not the same as you exposing. Contact people and tell them. You don't know what they've been told or how the story has been spun.

Don't assume stuff. And it's irrelevant to assume that he knows. YOU need to tell him, even if he already knows from some other source.

Please expose the affair.

If you want to keep trying Plan A, that's up to you. Look your best. Be the best Dad you can. Exercise. Be pleasant to be around. Make your home the great place that WW would like to return to. No angry outbursts.

But don't forget the stick of Plan A either. Your job is to make the affair not fun for both your WW and the OM.

The people that supposedly know have been told lies by your lying wife and her lying adultery partner. YOU talk to them.

Here's what your WW tells them: "Abandad67 is too controlling. I've never been happy in this marriage. I've been sacrificing my happiness for so many years, I finally have to do what's right for me." Waywards all say the same thing.

Call his dad today. When I called the OM's Dad, he was livid. If OM dumps your WW, that's great!

Let WW know that she ends this affair immediately. Let her know that if this goes to divorce you will seek full custody and will be divorcing her on the grounds of adultery, and you will be suing for full child support.

Cancel joint cards and joint bank accounts. You are not paying for her to cheat on you. Do not threaten this, just do it.

Your WW is lost at sea. Be the lighthouse.

This all seemed to begin when my wife turned 40 and perhaps entered some sort of midlife crisis. She said she felt like she was seventeen again, hung out with him and his friends (all younger), became very age conscious and exhibitionistic.

This same school of thought with the turning 40 thing was part of my wife's problem when she had an A recently. She is 39 and will turn 40 on her next birthday. She actually called it a midlife crisis and became overly conscious of her appearance at all times, started going to a tanning bed, etc. I too am new here but can tell you that the folks here can really help you out if you just follow their advice precisely as they say. Hang in there, it will work if you let them. I have turned the corner and you can too!

"Your WW is lost at sea. Be the lighthouse."

She certainly is. I have begun Plan A again as I have shelved divorce yet again. She tearfully told me that she has been looking at houses more in OUR price range if WE downsize in the future. Left our house for her apartment in tears. Many "I love you's" from her. That is, she is speaking in terms of a future together.

Now, these words, though they reignite a dim spark of hope emotionally, really mean nothing to me intellectually. I have heard them and variations of them many times over the last eight months (since D day). Actions are another matter. I have seen none.

I am doing much better at Plan A than I did the first time around--which resulted (at least in part) in her moving back home. I don't dissolve in tears after I see her, or at least the tears don't last as long and are not as intense. Her lease on the separation apartment is up in January. This is my deadline. If she has not ended her affair utterly--NC, transparency, everything--unsolicited, I will divorce her. I have not told her of this timeline.

Advice? Support? Criticism?

BUT, plan A is not effective without a comprehensive exposure. Did you expose to the OMs father?

I do think its a good idea to give yourself a deadline, but I wouldn't tell her this. It will come across as blackmail.