No health insurance.

Answers first: I had my girls two weekends in a row for Saturday/Sunday. But that's only because my cheating ex wife had a guest in town and wanted to get drunk with her. Another job? Nope. This state is really bad - no jobs anywhere. The only reason I got this 6-month contract was because I went to the state department of vocational rehab to get some assistance with hearing aids (I am 40% hearing impaired, on top of all the other fun stuff I've gone through). Since I qualified as "disabled", my resume fell into the hands of someone in the capitol and I got referred for the position. Had it not been for that, ol' creepy [censored] cracker here would still be unemployed.

New developments: CEW (cheating ex wife) is having serious money problems. Who would have predicted? Oh, that's right - I DID, back when she threatened to divorce me. I wonder where Mr. Super Lover is with his financial help. Ya know since he 'loves' her and all that. Her car payment is overdue, she can't pay the cell phone bill, I can't imagine where she is with rent for the business.

This is really sad and indicative of how evil she has become: She texted me today regarding our three dogs. Two of them are 12 years old, the other is a rescue and a lot younger. The one dog she fell in love with when he was a puppy before we were married and she had to have him. He has been with us since before we got married. I haven't seen any of them since Feb 28th (see signature). She texted me today telling me that she has to find homes for them because she can no longer afford the vet bills or the food. She asked me if I wanted them before she located other homes for them. Unbelievable. I'm not sure if she is for real or what.

Thoughts?

If you contact your county Health Department and tell them "I don't have insurance but I have crohns disease and I feel depressed" they can direct you to a free clinic.

How did you respond to her text message?

I responded the same way I do all of her text messages that have nothing to do with our kids: I ignored it.

I have no free time. None. I'm not even joking. In a week and a half I will have to miss a day of work to take care of three appointments. I won't have any time for anything else that day.

Good.
But If you want the dog then take it.

There are 3 dogs, 2 of which are 12 years old. Boston Terriers (high maintenance). I think maybe she texted out of anger because she had to drop $50 for a bag of food today instead of being able to make her car payment. But hey, this is HER show, it's what SHE wanted. Happy happy.

I am tired and want this nightmare to end. I've come to the conclusion that either I get my life back with my family, or it ends. I really have nothing that I look forward to any more, nobody gives a crap and there's no one to share anything with. Seeing my kids once a week is nothing short of torture. I can't do it.

I'm very concerned for you.

Please call 911 if you're contemplating hurting yourself.

Can you contact your friend?

What friend? The one whose wife woke up and came back to him and lived happily ever after? That aint happening to me. All he does is give me crap about "not being ready" and "God will bring your family back together". A load of crap, all of it. I don't think it should hurt at all, really.

Blindsided,

I am so sorry for your pain! I know how isolating these situations can be. UGH....you are NOT alone! Many here have experienced this, as well as the unhelpful or unsupportive advice from friends or family in our lives.

Take care of you now. Can you talk to your Dr. about some AD meds to help you through this?

I don't have a doctor because I do not have health insurance. Believe me when I tell you that I am behind the 8 ball in every way you can think.

There are free clinics out there and also physicians who have fees on a sliding scale. Ask around.

This is excellent advice BlindsidedNM.

Will you do this?

I have no free time. I have no energy. I have a chronic incurable disease that keeps me from being able to do things I'd like to do. Oh yeah, another thing I'm sure the ex wife hated. In sickness and health my [censored].

Maybe you should just go to the ER at your local hospital tonight. Explain your situation and feelings. They can help you now without insurance.

The free clinics that are near me, have hours after 5pm. Many physicians have hours after 5pm. Many ER's at major hospitals do have different programs available for those without insurance. There are patient assistance programs available if you cannot afford your medications. Just because many doctors have hours 9 to 5, does not mean there is nothing else available after those time. It is worth checking out. Again, ask around. Call a doctor, tell them your situation, you might be surprised with some great news.

BlindsidedNM,

While the Marriage Builder's website cannot become involved in threats of this kind, please know that your pain is taken seriously. Please contact a suicide crisis center in your area, call 1-800-SUICIDE or call your family physician.

We do care! Get someone to help you tonight!

Edited to add=====

Beginning February 1, 2013, the New Mexico Crisis and Access Line (NMCAL) will be available statewide, helping New Mexicans get access to local help and resources during a mental health crisis. The line will be available statewide and toll free at 1-855-NMCRISIS (1-855-662-7474).

Really, if I were going to do something, I probably would have done it already. I did not mean anything to seem like 'threats'.. I am just expressing the absolute pointless emptiness that this whole ordeal has given to me. Do I feel like repainting my walls? Hell yes. I fully understand why people do that. It is a catch-22 because the fact that I have kids prevents me, but if I had no kids with this cheating POS, she would be the fossil of a memory by now and I'd have moved on. It's the fact that I failed my kids and I hardly see them, and that they will never have the life that I wanted to give them.