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Your wife says " my phone was switched under his plan, so that at any time he has access to any and all incoming/outgoing texts and phone calls."
Is this true?
Did you ever put spyware on her phone?
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RNR, some things to keep in mind
1. if she deletes a text the only way to know is to see her text history under your phone carriers website, or to use a program that will pull up deleted texts (decipher media is what I use)
2. My wife carried on much of her affair conversation with an email. They would log in and send the message to that same email address, then the other would login, read it, and respond. etc. Doing it under incognito mode in the browser. The only way to catch that is with a keylogger on phone and computer.
Me: 34 BH
Her: 31 FWW
DD (6)
DS (3)
D-day 2/2/13
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Trust is EARNED...RNR...it is not a given. To be trusted (in 2-5 years) she is gong to have to act trust worthy.
You shouldn't trust her right now. No way! Do not beat yourself up over this at all.
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Do you have all of your questions answered about her affair?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I have been texting with my wife a little today as I am having a bad day. I noticed that she said FB was blocked on her phone? I contacted out carrier about this a few weeks ago when it was first brought up about blocking it. They said it was impossible to block it from the iPhone. It's part of the software and cannot be blocked. My wife said that she had it pass locked and her father was the one who set it up? I cannot find a way to pass lock it on my iPhone.
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RNR, as to facebook I would recommend you sign into her facebook and change the password to something only you know. I think there is software you can download that will block it. I would ask her to show you that she can't access it.
Only you know what you need when you are having a bad day. I would have them and fww would be distant. I needed her to be near and comfort me. I had to tell her this. Communicate with her what your needs are.
Me: 34 BH
Her: 31 FWW
DD (6)
DS (3)
D-day 2/2/13
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Your wife was told to get a dumb phone.
I think her iPhone needs to go.
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Your wife says " my phone was switched under his plan, so that at any time he has access to any and all incoming/outgoing texts and phone calls."
Is this true?
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Your wife was told to get a dumb phone.
I think her iPhone needs to go.
Fully agree. That web-flexibility is a breach in your (her) EPs that cannot be countenanced.
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RNR, you need to be sure!
And you need to be the one to make sure that you know for sure -- don't rely on her to block facebook, show you texts, etc.
Get her a dumb phone. You make sure you have access to everything on it.
Take all the necessary steps to watch her like a hawk.
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You know, my son doesn't have a phone at all, but he uses his ipod to connect to the Internet and send Facebook and Twitter messages, and emails. You can also do all those things on a Kindle. You need to block all technology that can connect to the Internet.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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As far as finances go, yes they are becoming an added stressor for me.
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Learn to budget and not buy things you don't need. The total money make over by Dave Ramsey is good. Recovery is number one, but it wouldn't hurt to get his DVD's and watch them together.
Me: 34 BH
Her: 31 FWW
DD (6)
DS (3)
D-day 2/2/13
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Learn to budget and not buy things you don't need. Have a heart, man. His wife just had an affair and he took a 75% paycut he didn't want to take to stay with her and try to salvage his marriage! The problem is not a lack of budgeting or overspending. I am sure you didn't mean your post to be hurtful, but if I were RNR, this line would've really hurt me. I'm sure he and his wife will be more than capable of figuring out finances and finding good financial resources that suit them.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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RNR, have you considered having your wife take a polygraph? It might be good to confirm if No Contact is really happening.
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Markos, I am suggesting that he start that now (if they have not been in the past). Not wait a few months living at a huge pay cut then start. So are we only willing to give tough love when talking about affairs and not when dealing with finances?
He took a huge leap of faith and took a huge paycut and that takes balls. I guarantee you that added stress will make recovery more difficult not less. And I guarantee you if there was a lack of budgeting and overspending, with a 75% paycut that will be a huge problem.
RNR if that hurt your feelings, I am sorry. But it is the truth. And with you being a driller, I would be extremely surprised if it hurt your feelings.
Me: 34 BH
Her: 31 FWW
DD (6)
DS (3)
D-day 2/2/13
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Markos, I am suggesting that he start that now (if they have not been in the past). Not wait a few months living at a huge pay cut then start. So are we only willing to give tough love when talking about affairs and not when dealing with finances? Of course I don't think people should receive "tough love" about their finances. Who wants to be lectured about their financial mistakes? Especially in the middle of great tragedy. And especially with completely misplaced comments like "learn to budget" and "don't buy what you don't need." For all you know they are fantastic budgeters and incredibly frugal.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Especially in the middle of great tragedy. Exactly. Finances can wait, klove. There's a MARRIAGE DYING HERE. RNR, what do you think of the polygraph?
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I am not lecturing about past finances. I am suggesting they not make financial mistakes now or in the future. This can be tied in with their recovery. it isn't an either/or scenario. They need practice with POJA. Finances is a good way to do it. I might point out that I am a BH myself so I full well know exactly what he is going through. I know the fight he is in, and I know how much harder it will be if their gigantic pay cut is not offset with good financial control. I am simply trying to make them aware that they should stay on top of it.
You can counsel they forget about money right now despite losing more than half of their income, I won't.
Me: 34 BH
Her: 31 FWW
DD (6)
DS (3)
D-day 2/2/13
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