You previously stated that she quit the old gym and then you and she joined a new gym. Now you are referring to the new gym as a "community center," as if changing the name makes it any less risky. You have completely missed the point. Extraordinary Precautions (EPs) are intended to prevent a future affair by eliminating the conditions that made an affair possible. Working out in a public place is a condition that made one of her affairs possible, so her public workouts must be eliminated. It makes no difference whether the public workouts occur in a gym or in a community center; public workouts are off limits to her!

Also, her one-night stand was as much of an extramarital affair as her 6-month relationship. You told us that you exposed the one-night stand to no one; and you only exposed the 6 month affair to OM's wife. Obviously, neither of those count as a Marriage Builders "exposure." You just said that you went back and did a full exposure after that was pointed out on your thread. To whom did you go back and expose the one-night stand? To whom did you go back and expose the 6-month relationship?

Lastly, the fact that you are getting the paternity tests on all three kids proves that you don't realy believe your assertion that she "only" had a one-night stand and a 6-month relationship several years later. Obviously, it isn't possible for your 3 and 6 year olds to have been conceived by a single one-night stand.

You wrote

Then you wrote


Why in the world would you think it is okay for her to be "flaunting what God gave her" in a swimsuit in front of all the dads who frequent your community pool in the summer? She is a serial cheater, and your lack of EPs is making it easy for her to continue. If your spouse has a history of alcoholism, you don't shouldn't trust your spouse to hang out in a bar. The EPs you need to implement are common sense...

Jessica, your conceerns are noted and I will think on them. I only have a gut feeling there may have been others and I am only doing the paternity on my two older children so that I KNOW KNOW KNOW that they are mine. I am moving on otherwise. Yes I did exposure.

I asked these questions previously, and you avoided answering them:

1. To whom did you expose your wife's one-night stand?

2. To whom did you expose your wife's 6-month affair?

*I'm asking for specifics because I'm afraid you never did a full, MB "exposure" of each of your wife's affairs.

I exposed to those who are involved in our lives and I only exposed her recent affair as the previous one was 10 years ago. Her affair was over so there was no need for them to come down on her to end the affair, just to watch/help her avoid another one.

KL,

I only exposed her recent affair as the previous one was 10 years ago.

Do you know who the BW was in the one from 10 years ago, do her a favor and let her know the truth about her marriage.

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma, I had thought about this and initially rejected it as it was so long ago. You think it is a good idea to do so it seems.

Yes. It IS. A crime was committed against a poor, unsuspecting wife 10 years ago. Her hound-dog husband rolls into the driveway every night, content in the knowledge that he got away with it. And he did, didn't he.

He's still screwing around on her, because HEY, he gets away with that. And she has NO IDEA. Because there are people who are helping him hide his little secret.

Um...you're in that group, klove. An enabler. Just so you know.

LK,

And part of the reason your WW had this horrible recent affair is because there was no downside to her previous affair, she never even had to make the apology to the OMW she injured.

This is how most affairs are "resolved" btw, the broken marriage goes on for years without true intimacy every being reestablished. The betrayed spouse never recovers and the wayward spouse never completely confesses or makes amends.

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma, I agree, I held my resentment inside for years. For FWW and I we are finally working at rebuilding what our marriage should have been. I've tracked down some phone numbers for her. I'm hoping to get through her private number. She is a doctor in California and I have her practice number but I will only use that one if I can't get through any other way. Thanks.

klove, many/most doctors keep their private numbers private. That's how they're able to sleep nights without patients calling them. I would suggest you call the number you've got. Let the receptionist know who you are and that you have extremely personal information for her.

Tell the receptionist you'll hold the line until she is available.

For the umpteenth time, specifically, to whom have you exposed your wife's 6-month affair? Both of your families? Your eldest child? Your friends and your wife's friends? Your clergy? OM's family and friends? I have repeatedly asked you to answer this question, and you have repeatedly avoided answering it. (Obviously, "those who are involved in our lives" does not tell me whom, specifically, you've exposed to.) In addition, when asked whether both of your wife's affairs have been fully exposed, you've provided deceptive answers such as "exposure has been done." I give up.

Jessica, Since you don't know me, our friends, him, or his friends lumping it into those who are involved is easier than typing out all who are. yes clergy, friends, family, aquantances at the gym who know both of them. people at my work who don't even know my wife. No I did not expose previous affair but will do so.

I started the polygraph thread to get two simple questions answered to help with our fairly smooth recovery, not to get the third degree about something that was done 2 or 3 months ago.

Question about facebook exposure. I have never been asked to pay anything to send a message to someone I am not friends with. What am I missing? Is it just going to spam box?

It's going to their other box.

how do I get it changed? There is no option for me to send another way. Although I am on my tablet rather than full computer. Maybe that has something to do with it?

Yes that is it. If you go onto a full computer you will have the option.

Great thanks Brain

You're welcome.

Don't get too frustrated, just remember that sometimes posters need a little help ***EDIT***