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I am calm, I do consider this another betrayal but its fine. I will wait and see now if the NC letter actually gets delivered before I make any decisions. Thanks guys.
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I would be very interested to know if you guys think she is serious about recovery? If not should we separate for a few weeks/months? I love her but I just can't figure this out.
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RNR, if I were you, I would make contact with Dr. Harley and get his professional opinion for some help.
There just seem to be so many fights here. I must mention that my wife and I were a LOT like this, and it took a lot of changes for us to make things work.
My gut feeling is that she is serious about recovery, but she may not remain so if the fighting keeps up. Recovery from an affair is a delicate, narrow path, and part of it has to be fixing what was wrong with the marriage before, making a great marriage better than before. That has got to mean the elimination of the fighting, the punishing, the demands, the anger, the disrespect. If you met my wife and I today, and then saw us three years ago, you would not believe we are the same people, we have changed that much.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Have you any idea why she hasn't posted to us today? Are you at home or at work? Is she still nursing her phone?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I just got home from work. She is not here yet. I did send her a text a little while ago but she said she didn't want to talk to me. She did say earlier that she does not like me talking about her here as she thinks it makes her look bad. She said I can talk to you about what I feel but not her which I don't know how to do as she is the cause if them.
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Man, I am feeling it for you tonight. I know exactly where you are at. total flashbacks to 2 years ago...
honestly, I don't think she is serious. As suggested, please reach out to Dr Harley. He can guide you.
***EDIT***
Last edited by Ariel; 06/12/13 08:11 PM. Reason: Do not bypass the profanity filter
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I would be very interested to know if you guys think she is serious about recovery? If not should we separate for a few weeks/months? I love her but I just can't figure this out. No, I really don't. Dr Harley has addressed situations somewhat similar to yours today and yesterday on the radio program. Don't know if you listen daily but might help you. I have the app on my phone. Just try not to jump to any conclusions right now one way or another..the direction she is going, it won't be long until you are totally out of love with her..
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My gut feeling is that she is serious about recovery, but she may not remain so if the fighting keeps up. This is my feeling, too. I honestly think that you are going to play a major part in whether she is serious or not. If you keep lovebusting her, she won't be. If you Plan A her, then very likely she will be.
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I would be very interested to know if you guys think she is serious about recovery? If not should we separate for a few weeks/months? I love her but I just can't figure this out. Are you serious about recovery yourself? Start laying out EP's, accept the just compensation, commit no Lovebusters, including the judgement that she isn't serious. If you really want to know the answer to that, then follow your part of the MB plan for a couple of months and observe her reaction. Have you read "Surviving an Affair?" Have you read the articles and Q&A's on this site?
xFWW(me)-48
Married-14 years
D-Day~23-May-11
NC- 14-Apr-11
1 DS 15
Online course July '11 to July '12
17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12
Divorced Jan 21, 2013
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Have you gotten Lovebusters and the workbook yet?
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I would be very interested to know if you guys think she is serious about recovery?
I do not. I sense a chronic conflict-avoider whose only consistent demonstrated actions have been to attempt to prod you into some irreversible breach.
Well.....you asked.
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My W just left, she's gone.
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Dude, i am so sorry for this turn of events. Is she Still seeing posom? Or is it something else?
Me: 34 BH
Her: 31 FWW
DD (6)
DS (3)
D-day 2/2/13
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Good. Your AOs were too dangerous for her to stay.
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My W just left, she's gone. This is the worse possible scenario. Dang it. A's sucks. Hate this for you. I know how tore up inside you are However, there is still hope. If at some point she actually becomes serious, you will know. All of your maritatl problems can be solved and you can work through this A only if BOTH of you are committed. She appeared to not be serious to R. As painful as this is, maybe this is best for now. The last thing you want to do is to start working on R only to end up in a FR. Give her a few days. Let both of your heads clear a bit and see what happens. This was not your fault. Just know this is all on her. She is going to have to live with these realities her entire life knowing she has done the most horrible thing anyone could do to someone they love.
Last edited by 20YearHistory; 06/14/13 07:23 AM.
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My W just left, she's gone.
Well, by all indications, that was your preferred resolution, dude. On 10 and 12 June you were clearly advised to change the way you were playing your hand, and thereafter you studiously avoided following the advice.
It is highly likely you will be "visited" by some LEPs. Smile nicely for the camera.
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Oh, it is most certainly his fault. He abused her. Not only verbally, but physically. Own up to that, RNR.
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Oh, it is most certainly his fault. He abused her. Not only verbally, but physically. Own up to that, RNR. What was his fault her A? (I don't think you were implying that) He most certainly must own up to that bad behavior but I don't think that is why she left and their attempt to start R has failed so far. Now, he certainly didn't help matters by being angry. However, she wasn't serious about R her M with him regardless of the AO's (for a variety of reasons I am sure). No way I am justifying AO�s but I completely understand how INCREDIBLY difficult it is to contain emotions in his current state of mind.
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My W just left, she's gone.
Well, by all indications, that was your preferred resolution, dude. On 10 and 12 June you were clearly advised to change the way you were playing your hand, and thereafter you studiously avoided following the advice.
It is highly likely you will be "visited" by some LEPs. Smile nicely for the camera. My sentiments exactly. I don't believe for a moment that we have all the information here about the abuse that's been going on the last few days. Recovery simply isn't an option until the angry outbursts are eliminated.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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RNR - Do you think your anger drove her away?
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