Long story short,my H and I were one here 5 years ago almost to the date. I was a WW until we came on here and took the advice that was given to us. Now as you can see the shoe is on the other foot.

Three weeks ago we got back from vacation and he asked me "what I thought about separating?". He says he is not sure that he loves me anymore and still holds resentment towards me.
I was slapped by this b/c I had NO idea he felt this way. He moved into the spare room right away. Wanting to give him space I only asked him once if he was ready to talk.The answer was no,so we continued our lives like nothing changed (except sleeping arrangements).Fast forward to last weekend and he comes home drunk(this never happens) and proceeds to tell me that he is afraid for his job as everyone is talking about him and his co-worker....

They have become "friends" and she asked him to hang out after work hours b/c they "connect". Granted he did say no, BUT he did put himself out there for someone to enter,that he admits. He has since moved out and wont seem to give me the time of day...


How do I get him over the resentment that happened so long ago.. I simply want him back

Welcome back to MB.

What were your original posting names?

Also have you read this?
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

Is his OW married?

Have you exposed?

Sorry, introvert was my husband and I was killingmesoftly.

Also have you read this?
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

Is his OW married?

Have you exposed?

No the OW is not married,single to my knowledge.


I have told mutual friends only and some family members. I did say that I was going to his work to speak with her but he freaked out.Said he was scared I would cost him his job as that was his only "safe place". Granted he did send me a text stating that he informed her that I may be coming to speak with her.She apparently told him to get out of her life.

You need to expose to their workplace. Also on her side. Does she have Facebook?

What family members did you expose to? Whom on his side did you expose to?

Do you have children?

They can't work together anymore.

Yes she has facebook, however I don't ,that was a love buster for both of us before. I honestly do want to go talk to her and expose them sooo bad,but I have waited for fear of a angry outburst on my part.

I have spoken to his sister and parents and all my family.

No kids, lots of bills thou...That is my fear too,I guess that's why I am [censored] footing around exposing at the workplace as well...


I still have Surviving a Affair book that I have started reading again.Its very hard right now b/c I do feel alone.

SWR I am sorry you have returned to MB but welcome back.

His behaviour seems to suggest that he is involved in an A rather than "just friends". His resentment could be his attempt to justify the A.

As Brainhurts stated you need to expose to their workplace. If you've read articles on this website and the links BH posted you will see that they cannot continue to work together. Seeing each other at work will keep the A alive and even if it has ended there is a huge risk that it will be reignited.

Waywards unfortunately lie, you can't be certain that OW has in fact told WH that she wants him out of her life.

SWR I can understand finances can cause fear to expose, unfortunately if the A continues your finances will be effected.

WH seem to follow the same script regardless of their character prior to A. They will redirect funds to finance their A, if your M ends in D (which I hope is not the case) you will not have the benefit of WH's income.

I know it seems hard but as you read the threads of other posters you will see it really is a case of which is the priority - marriage or WH's job.

SWR I can understand and relate to how you feel, but please know you are not alone. MB offers support, encouragement and advice. MBers have walked in your shoes some as BS others as WS they understand the pain you are facing. You will be offered help to guide you through the MB principles and plans and your recovery.

Here's one of his threads: Here's my d day 2 story

I think sunwillrise should get some evidence first before exposing. Right now she only has a husband who moved out of the bedroom and an over-friendly co-worker. Am I wrong?

Sunwillrise, would it be possible to do some snooping? While the red flags are definitely there, I would get some evidence so your exposure has teeth.

I don't know RQ. This sounds pretty solid, if you ask me.

+1

From here.
What is an Affair?

I had his cell phone and ipad but of course its passworded, I refused to give them to him until he let me know what the were.I gave him a choice to give them to me and work on this or leave...he choose to leave.So no I don't have any hard evidence except what he has told me.Its all his work stuff and he took it and the computer with him.

His word is enough.

Is he out of the house?

What about phone records? Can you check them?

Nope all work stuff.

Did he leave the house?