What family did you expose to on your side and your WH's side?

Yes, I have told his Mom, Dad and family.

I don't have friendly conversations with him or anything. I only talk business (through e-mail only) and I'm not friendly, but not mean. I guess I'm wondering why that would make me still depressed. Can you explain? We don't talk on the phone or see each other.

What did his parents and family say? What did you say to them?

Yes.

Any contact at all with a wayward will cause pain, even if it's subconscious.

Every time you see his name you may think "maybe he's through the fog" just to be let down. If you close that door you will heal. Dr. Harley states that especially BWs can experience damage even PTSD when their WHs are still in an active affair and communicating with their BWs. It's called cake eating.

Did you read the Plan B link I posted?

Every interaction you have with him lights up all those subconscious activities that in most cases have no real effect on our lives.

One part of your brain will recall the experiences running your business before his departure. One will jump to anticipating how he will react to what you're telling him, and another will anticipate his next transmission and how you will respond.

Each time the concept of "BH" gets referenced, the scab gets pulled off a little bit from the wound that you are still trying to have heal, and you emotionally "bleed" again.

You need to pursue the extraction from your joint business, and implement a strong, impenetrable, Plan B.

You are suicidal because you are still in touch with him. You are continually reminded of the worst experience of your life. It would be like the rape victim having continual "business" talks with her rapist. Do you think she would ever get better? No, she would not.

I would expose the affair to everyone, especially the skanks mother and go into a dark, dark Plan B.

Can you move away?

Can you sell your share of the business and move away?

Well said. You are so right. I didn't even think about it that way. That's why I stay upset.

You are right.

Did you see this?

No I can't sell my share. We are in the middle of bankrupting it.

No because we are in the middle of bankrupting it.

Who can you get for an IM?

She isn't on FB and I don't have a way to contact her. :-( Our business is too complicated to have an IM. But, I will look into it. The only thing is I don't have anyone that can IM for me. Is there an organization I can contact maybe? I don't want to use a lawyer.

Your IM would just need to be a filter.

Have you seen this?
IM Training School

Is there anyone you can think of?

The only problem is this...In the last 6 months before I found Marriage Builders, I have tried to get my husband back from the other woman 3 different times and all 3 times he has rejected me. He never talks reconciliation in his e-mails to me. If he talks about us it's about the separation and divorce and dividing property and stuff. But he will not come get his things from the house even though I have asked him repeatedly. Anyway, he just tries to be friendly and thinks we can actually be friends. Infact, he was actually so friendly at one point that I thought he was missing me and may have a change of heart. But, then went into talking divorce. How confusing. This was killing me. Before I went minimal contact, he was e-mailing me every single day (except weekends) and calling 2 times a week and coming by on Sundays for about an hour to visit. At one point during one of his visits, he was invading my personal space as if he was going to brush up against me. It's like he was leading me on. Once I went minimal contact (because of his refusal to tell his lover to take FB profile pics of them two together down), he started only e-mailing me at work (Mon-Friday). And since then he has made all of his Facebook statuses public so I can see them if I want. He even mentioned her in one of them.

I don't understand how this man who used to once love me can be so cruel on Facebook and doesn't bother to make his statuses private. It's like he is trying to hurt me over and over again. It's not enough that he left me someone. If he doesn't want me anymore, he doesn't need to rub it in my face. Maybe he just doesn't care anymore or maybe he is mad about the exposure letter and that I won't chit chat with him and be more friendly instead of just business. I know he hates that I haven't been friendly with him and went minimal contact with him 2 months ago. I don't know, but it's a mess.

Go Plan B and show him the unfriendliest (in his eyes) you that you possibly can. Show him that you will NOT be friends after divorce!

It's called cake-eatrng --> he wants to have his cake and eat it too. You still have an account in his lovebank and he gets some of his ENs fed every time he contacts you. He NEEDS to have contact with you, even if it seems peripheral. For the same reason (he still has an open account in YOUR lovebank), you feel full of pain when you have contact with him.

You should write him a loving plan B letter and then go into a dark plan B --> NO contact, everything goes through an intermediary who filters out everything personal, everything except the need-to-know. I know you are going through bankrupcy proceedings but I don't see why that would not be possible.

You will find peace and dignity in a dark plan B, Barbie. WH - well, he is clearly well in wayward-land, but Dr. Harley says that most affairs die in 2 years.

Thank you Mirabelle and I hope you keep talking to me. I see what you are saying Mirabelle, but he now seems mad that I am not chatting with him in a friendly manner. He has even went as far as making his Facebook statuses public in hopes I will see them or someone I know will see them and repeat what he is saying. In the last week he has mentioned her in his statuses 3 times and before he never, ever did that. I don't understand. This seems awfully cruel. How can he do this? He knows there is a chance I could be seeing it since it's public. I must be draining his love bank because of the exposure letter or by me not talking to him like he wants.Very, very confusing.

So are you telling me if he even says something as simple as informing me that "He went to the house to play with the dogs" that this is enough to satisfy him a little even though I am business like and not friendly?

I know totally dark is really supposed to be for me, but it seems that if I go totally dark, that will drain his love bank for me even more.

Also, this summer will be two years since they started their affair and if you read how they interact on Facebook it seems that their affair is stronger than ever (act more like teenagers in love). Timeline-He was seeing her a little over a year before he left me 8 months ago. That means this summer is 2 years. Of course it was in secret for a little over year before 8 months ago, but it will still be 2 years this summer. And they seem to still be getting along so I don't hold out much hope. Sigh

Do some affairs last longer than 2 years? I know you said most end by the 2 year mark, but I guess I am grasping for straws. I just worry the longer it goes on the less chance I have. Going dark will probably just make him forget me completely.

I also forgot to mention before that about 2 months ago before I went minimal contact, I asked him if they were going to live together and he said they have talked about it. I really don't know why I keep hanging on. We were together 21 years and I can't seem to let go.

Thank for your input. I appreciate all advice.

He is not the least bit concerned about your love bank and has no qualms about draining it. He is cake-eating majorly, and you need to go cold turkey no contact if you are having such trouble. You will save yourself a LOT of heartache if you do!