Did you have similar symptoms of a mood disorder before you were married? Before his first affair? What are the symptoms and things you do in a manic phase?

How has he treated you throughout your marriage in addition to his affairs?

I suspect that you are not inherently mentally ill, though you are allowing your emotions to get the best of you. What I mean is that it seems you need to part from him, but you are going to have to think of what is the most effective way to get it done, not simply react. Keep that anger under control for your benefit. Control the urge to throw things as best you can. The more you let it out, the more you can be called ill.

Are you still in a household full of grown children? With a grandchild, too?
How many are your children, his children, and both of your's children?

What is your lifestyle like?

Oh, and don't tease your stepson. Carefully consider how someone might feel about what you do to them - that could help in keeping things cool enough for you to get out with a little bit to your name.

When do you see your doctor again? You're seeing a psychiatrist, correct?

Hopes, are you following your medical regimen?

I wanted to wait till I was calmed down a bit before writing anything else. No, before his first affair they said I had major depression. Yes I have a psychiatrist and meds. Its just been hard because he picked the one thing that would crawl under my skin, for whatever reason, to hurt me or get even for me leaving.

I told him that video was impossible, gave him all the reasons why (I have not been alone in this house in 15 years from homeschooling my YS). I don't even go to the store alone because I am socially awkward. I told him if I was slandered, even slightly, I would be seeking justice. And that goes for his lil girlfriend too. Truthfully he had it pretty good, I wasn't perfect but I was not a bad wife and I stayed faithful the entire marriage. He back peddled and said that he didn't say it was me.. He just implied it was me.

I also told him that if I ever wanted to leave, I would not find some dude to have an affair with, that I would tell him and be upfront and honest about it. I kept my word and no amount of apologizing or back peddling or deceptive spin will matter. My mind is made up this marriage is over and that's that.

He had moved out into a motel or something for the last few days. I guess the annoying behavior worked. Before that he got mad and told me he would take an extra day off work just to be here and bug me. I was pretty angry because I don't really want him here.

So, Lord forgive me, I reminded him that I have bipolar disorder and I can do 4 days without sleep and not even blink. I had planned some recreational activities involving music and dance for the next 4 days (and nights).. He decided to go to work instead, then decided to move to some motel I guess. Go figure.

I have been sleeping better though. When I got angry and told him off, that night, I slept like a baby. I woke up and it was daylight outside. I have been actually napping too.

He has said he has a place reserved for the beginning of the month. So not long now. I have a Drs appointment this week. I am feeling ok but want to be sure they don't want to adjust my meds or whatever. So things are looking up. Looks like one more week and I am free. I am giddy thinking about it really.

Hopes

I was kidding with him but I don't tease him. Actually I raised him as my own since he was about 2. I think of him as my own kid. I think this break up is having an effect on him because he has been kind of moody as well.

As far as me being mentally ill. I don't know. His last affair was pretty horrible. Oh and get this, he says that wasn't an affair, that he was actually leaving me. No matter, I tried darn near everything to try to fix the marriage and he just refused to listen or try. I felt like he blamed me for all of it and wanted to change my personality. A few years later, I guess the stress of it all got to be too much and I stopped sleeping then went manic or whatever that was.

My lifestyle is pretty sheltered. I don't really go out a lot. I just stay at home mostly. I used to do a lil mini farming but I am sending him to sell off all the livestock now. I don't think I can properly care for them after the break up. Gonna miss my buddy sheep though. He's a real nice sheep. I bottle fed him so he is really nice for a ram sheep. He loves to be petted.

I will be cutting back on expenses all over the place. But I think its doable and I put my trust in the Lord that I will be fine. My oldest son went to stay with friends but we don't always get along well. My second oldest has a job now so he is going to be moving out soon. My grand baby stays with his mom and her family. I don't really get to see him. I think the other two, my step son and 15 yr old are going with their dad, at least for now. Its probably for the best because I am still getting myself together. He can always come see me on the weekends.

I don't know if I am actually mentally ill but I just assume they know what they are talking about. Life was pretty stressful during that manic episode. I had a house full of teenagers and they were hard to deal with. Plus my husband, the way he acted, did not help matters.

Hopes

Hopes, I am really am worried for you. When is your next doctors appointment?

Hopes, I know you said your doctor appointment was this week. What day?

Are you following your med regimen?

Its tomorrow. But I am fine. I didn't wind up staying up for 4 days straight LOL. I just wanted him to think I would. I however have done that before, longer than that, when I had that manic episode.

I also wanted to mention the throwing of the mug through the window. Yeah that was that initial reaction when he first told me. You know that moment when they first tell you they had an affair and it feels like they ripped your soul in half? Yeah that and he told me she was his idea version of beauty? What am I canned dog food? Yeah so the mug went through the window that day. I shouldn't have done it and I feel bad, but that's also before I decided to let God run my life.

Nothings being tossed since then. Actually he hasn't been back and I could just care less about what he does now. I am much more interested in getting my life together than whatever he does. He is my past I am looking forward to my future. If its the Lords will I am going to take on a full load of college classes this semester and throw myself into that. I will have a lot more time now so I need something to do. I want to see if I can keep a 4.0 all the way through (its worth a shot;) So far 6 classes and all are As. 2 were lower level though. Its a start. I have a long way to go and hopefully the math don't trip me up.

Anyway don't worry. Seriously I am fine and I see the Dr. tomorrow. Even my 2nd oldest has gotten off my back so I must be doing good lol.

Hopes

Hopes,

Where is your husband?