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Thank you,
Hopeful, that's the attitude MB gives us RQ! You continue to implement the MB concepts it does work. Fight the temptation to settle for just good.
Hoping your someday is real soon!
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Thanks Brainy!
This is WAY more fun!
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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What a wonderful success story, wle2! Keep up the great work! (I know you will, because the rewards are so great, aren't they?  )
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I listen to the radio program and read here everyday Best advice anyone ever gave.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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RQ
I also noticed that there hasn't been a lot going on. I hope that is because every body is spending so much UA time with their spouse they don't have the time.
So I thought I would give an update. My DW answered Dr. Harley's E-Mail but with a vague answer. Basically she told him that she can't think of anything that she is missing from me.
She and I have talked about what I was needing from her. I asked if she needed to write another E-Mail and she didn't seem to keen on the idea so I let it go.
Dw got it! She has really picked up her effort in SF and she is the one who wants to schedule it.I am getting text and phone calls letting me know how much she is looking forward to the day or night.
We are still between 16 to 20 hours UA and are looking for more RC we can both enjoy.
Dw started reading FIL SIL and we are still working in the 5 steps work book.
We had another milestone this past week and it pasted without me even noticing until the next day. It has been 2 years since they were last together. I call that a milestone because I never thought that date would slip my mind.
DW has done so much to make the present so good that the past doesn't linger in my mind as it once did. There is no way we could be where we are if DW had not embraced MB. It took her a while but the LB$ built up until she fell in love with me again and we are off to a great M.
I listen to the radio program and read here everyday ever wanting to improve on what we have. I love reading the responses and value the incites (NG yours too!)
I have found that I still have to be diligent not to slip into old bad habits but that's why I come here so often.
The bottom line is we now are starting to have the M we always wanted and know how to maintain it. Cliffs notes version. Nice work, sir!
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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markos,
Thank you, It is night and day from where we were to were we are now.
Having her this happy with me has had some very , very good rewards!
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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HHH,
Thank you.
I had forgotten how much fun it is to date my DW!
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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It just keeps getting better! DW and I listened to Friday's radio show together. We had a good discussion about how we still need to work on this area.
The next night we were watching a rerun of The Big Bang Theory where Sheldon and Amy were negotiating with each other over how much physical contact Sheldon would give her.
DW wife notices it and turns to me and says '"Hey, they are negotiating their problem!"
In a far better place than I was a year ago!
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Well we blew right past the 2nd antiversary of D-day without an emotional or mental meltdown. DW woke yesterday morning and said happy anniversary of our new MB life.That was the only time it was mentioned and the only time we thought about it the whole day together.
We had a break through in our old RC problem this past week now that we both can be O&h with each other and DW has gone all in with MB. She and I are going to spend the next few months trying out new RC ideas until we find the one that we both enjoy as much or more than the one she does alone.
I am not sure how far away we are from full MR is but it is getting very bright in our once pitch black tunnel.
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Glad to hear progress is being made.
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I am not sure how far away we are from full MR is but it is getting very bright in our once pitch black tunnel. Is your marriage now better than it was before? If the answer is yes, you can stamp it "recovered". There will always be things to work on, areas to improve in, and stuff to pay attention to. But that is what one expects. Those of us who have lived through the dreadful experience of infidelity will never allow complacency to exist in our marriages again. We pay attention, and work hard to keep MB principles in place. So, congratulations on achieving this milestone.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Congrats wle on your road to recovery and a better marriage.
You're doing fantastic.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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[quote=TheRoad]Glad to hear progress is being made. [/quote TheRoad Thanks! We are heading in the right direction... Even in our Ford
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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I am not sure how far away we are from full MR is but it is getting very bright in our once pitch black tunnel. Is your marriage now better than it was before? If the answer is yes, you can stamp it "recovered". There will always be things to work on, areas to improve in, and stuff to pay attention to. But that is what one expects. Those of us who have lived through the dreadful experience of infidelity will never allow complacency to exist in our marriages again. We pay attention, and work hard to keep MB principles in place. So, congratulations on achieving this milestone. mrEureka Thank you! Paying attention is what we also have to make a part of our new,better marriage. The order of your words speaks volumes to me, "work hard" As DW and I first started to implement MB concepts it was HARD WORK. Now as you said we just have to continue to WORK HARD on keeping it.
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Congrats wle on your road to recovery and a better marriage.
You're doing fantastic. Brainy Thank you! You really are one of the MB forum super heroes!
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Congrats wle on your road to recovery and a better marriage.
You're doing fantastic. Brainy Thank you! You really are one of the MB forum super heroes! As you are friend. Anyone that can survive an affair and come out on the other side a better person using the MB concepts are all super heroes!!
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Had my question answered on today's program. Thought we had worked this one out until the season started.
Going to let my DW listen and see what she thinks. Contrast effect is exactly what concerns me.
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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Had my question answered on today's program. Thought we had worked this one out until the season started.
Going to let my DW listen and see what she thinks. Contrast effect is exactly what concerns me. What did Dr. Harley say? What did your wife say?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Had my question answered on today's program. Thought we had worked this one out until the season started.
Going to let my DW listen and see what she thinks. Contrast effect is exactly what concerns me. What did Dr. Harley say? What did your wife say? Dr.Harley said that we need to make sure that we still get our high UA time in. We are still at 15 to 20 hrs. He also said that we need to find another RC activity that we would both enjoy as much as she does hunting. He did say at first that it was only for a season and to let her hunt but she can't go alone and she only had male RC companions including me so that is out unless she can find some other women to hunt with. He was worried about the contrast effect.No matter what we do together it will not be as enjoyable to her as what she does alone. DW is willing to explore other RC options but can't imagine one she will like better. WE are trying to find a win/win solution and she she agreed to schedule her hunting after our UA time. She realy made me feel good when she listened and offered that one.
Me 59 newly married after being a widow
Married 1 year
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I think you misunderstood what Dr. Harley was saying. He was stating what many people would argue in this situation but he doesn't agree with that position. He does not agree with the idea at all that since it's just for a season live with it. He often presents the most common opposing arguments to what he has learned about marriage in order to show that those ways don't work over time and lead to a broken down marriage.
The idea I got is that hunting is out because you're not going to be able to change your emotional reaction to it and because she finds hunting with or without you more enjoyable than any other recreation she has with you.
And does scheduling hunting after your UA time is checked off the list really address your problem?
Last edited by LifetimeLearner; 09/21/13 07:07 AM. Reason: added a thought
xFWW(me)-48
Married-14 years
D-Day~23-May-11
NC- 14-Apr-11
1 DS 15
Online course July '11 to July '12
17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12
Divorced Jan 21, 2013
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