remember too, this is a comment on a post that ww posted to my wall. Do I want her and probably 500 other people to read this?

I'm not arguing the changes, though, because I like them

also, my response is based on the fact that people are saying I was wrong for exposure to begin with. Could I just say, "If you are wondering why I have posted these things as I have then these scriptures may help you to understand..."

How about this:

Dear friends and family, I love my wife and my family very much. Her affair with *** has hurt me and the children terribly. I want my family to be whole again and I know that starts with me. I have made many mistakes and am willing to make changes. I want my children to have a full time mother and a full time father. I want more than anything to have the chance to make my wife happy.

But that cannot happen until she ends her affair with ***.

I am asking those of you who care about my wife and my children, please use your influence to persuade her to end her hurtful affair and work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage. Please support our children.

Please pray for us all

This is the last public post I will make on this matter. If you have comments or questions concerning these posts or our situation, Please contact me via private message.

Absolutely!

Perfect! But be sure and put the OM's full name in there so she can't bring him around others. They need to know who he is too.

done

Good man!!

AL, I know this was very hard on you, but I want to assure you that you did the right thing for your whole family, especially your wife.

It feels like you are hurting your wife, but you are actually helping her. For example, getting arrested is therapeutic for an alcoholic. It may save their life and the lives of potential victims. But it is hard to sit by and watch a loved one get arrested.

You have done a good thing and God will bless your actions.

I want to also applaud you for telling your children. My father was a serial cheater and my mother remained mum about his affairs. Her silence conveyed ENDORSEMENT. She didn't want to seem "judgmental." That gave my father the freedom to corrupt my morals. He was perfectly free to teach me that wrong was right and introduced me to his affair partners. This left me profoundly morally confused.

When I was introduced to my father's mistress when I was 4 years old, this seemed very wrong to me. But since no adult would validate my instincts about right and wrong, I concluded I was a stupid girl and learned to doubt my instincts about right and wrong. I had to grow up and learn right from wrong all on my own because a) I was exposed to corruption and b) I received no moral guidance from my parents.

So you did the right thing in telling your children and giving them moral guidance. This will restore their instincts about right and wrong.

Yes. I commend your courage, Agape. You ARE doing the right thing, hard as it is.

agapelover, I've been keeping up with your thread and listened to your segment on the radio. I admire your strength and resolve. Keep listening to the veterans here and of course Dr. Harley...

You have a tough road ahead as you're well aware, you are in a similar predicament as John was in SA with John and Sue. It's hard enough with a ww spouse that is not in the least remorseful add to that you're dealing with an LTA (long term affair)...

Like John and Sue though, it's not impossible! In the future if your wife does come back remember what Dr. Harley said about her having already made up her mind about you and having come to certain conclusions about you; she may think you're manipulative when you're not, controlling when you're not etc. that's a tough situation to deal with...

You have my prayers brother...

Agape,

I have been out of commission the last few days and am only now catching up on several threads. I did not get to hear your whole show but am hoping to catch it when it becomes available in the archives.

I am very encouraged to hear that you exposed the affair! That took a lot of courage and often makes a huge difference! If nothing else, it should help you find some support. Hoping for an update; it appears you haven't posted in a few days. It is typical for the wayward to be INSANELY MAD for a few days and to do everything possible to try to shift all the blame to you. I would agree with the idea about not posting scriptures back to her as trying to educate your wife would be disrespectful. (Though we can trade them with you here all you want!)

GOOD JOB. Praying for you and hoping that this opens up a window of opportunity for God to bless you and your family.

I can offer this comment:


We made a similar comment to Steve Harley in 2010 when we met him and his father Dr. Harley personally at the Marriage Builders weekend seminar. Steve encouraged us not to second guess our past decisions.

I would say in my case, I still wasn't listening to all that Marriage Builders had to offer at that point, anyway! Thanks be to God I eventually listened. (And my wife did as well. And she got tough with me, but that's another story.)

UPDATE: It is very rough in my world right now. She seemed to calm down and even said, "I forgive you". She then wanted me to say that what I did was not God's will. She said that until I say it's not Gods will then she cannot even consider being my friend. I was drawn into an argument tonight about her affair. She still says it is Gods will for her to be with the OM and everyone who emailed or called her who said otherwise were being judgmental and didn't know her situation and didn't know enough about me to understand the pain I have caused her. I went so far as to tell her that I understand if it's difficult to end the affair, but that I would at least feel better if she at least acknowledged that God wouldn't advocate being with OM. she still says it is God's will and that just takes ALL the wind out of my sails. I'm very discouraged right now.

This is all fogbabble. It means nothing. She forgives YOU?? For trying to save your marriage??

She doesn't have a 'situation' - she's just having a tawdry affair. It's not impressive or different in any way.

If she insists upon using that old saw that it's "God's will" let her know that the Devil behaves in seductive ways. God's will was that the two of you were to marry for eternity. And you got married. "God's will" was carried out the day you exchanged vows. What happened to that? Is she insinuating that God changes His mind at her whim?

I don't think so.

Of all the countless ways that we humans can find to sin against our Lord, infidelity was one of the ten that He chose to call out directly. How can it be God's will? The mind boggles...

Agree with the others.

Have you seen these?
Female Wayward Fog Disassembled and Decoded
Craziest Things to Come out of a Wayward's Piehole

Yea, seems God cut to the chase on adultery. It made HIS top 10 and it was carved in stone...don't stoop to arguing with her and give her the opportunity to start shifting blame and making excuses...God has the say on that one.

"she still says it is God's will and that just takes ALL the wind out of my sails. I'm very discouraged right now."

It's easy to become discouraged especially in your situation. Her words are fogbabble and discouraging to hear no doubt but God's words are the words that put the wind in your sail; it has to be so or you couldn't have made it this long. You know this is true...You have said yourself that God sent you to this site and you're not sure why yet.

Listen to the good advice with the discernment God has given you...
You are in my prayers. Hosea?

Agape, you've GOT to put this one in the Craziest Things To Come Out of a Wayward's Piehole thread -->

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2689509&page=1

Agape I heard your radio show you seem like an intelligent individual. I'm also a fixer as well. Truth is your wife is high and her fogbabble isn't worth being hurt over. You handled it well my WW said the same thing and she never met your wife. Dr. Harley says that people will change their values to match their values. When their values should reflect their behavior. Oh please add that to the thread as suggested. You have a copy SAA it says it in there as well. That people fool themselves in thinking the OP is a gift from God. Simply not true, stay strong your in my prayers.