I don't think she deleted messages. there was an unread message in there from March 21st that I saw. She didn't update her status when she changed the pword. I can't see why she did it.

I can't imagine why you'd need to change it... nor why you'd change it if you weren't logging in to do something...

Any thoughts?

But you don't know that. It is entirely possible that she deleted only incriminating messages. Wait and watch.

Do you have a keylogger installed?

What snooping tools do you have installed?

I've had times when I went to facebook and wasn't logged in anymore. I think its probably when the computer does its regularly scheduled history/cookie dump. Im notoriously bad at remembering passwords too (Ive taken to writing them down these days) and more than once had to do a new password to get logged in again. Ive tried having it "sent" to the address attached to the account, but its a yahoo and sometimes I just don't get them. This isn't just facebook but other sites too. Ive also misclicked and logged myself out, then couldn't remember the password. LOL. Maybe check the history/cookies and see if it was that.

The only computer she uses is her laptop issued by work. It's a felony for me to put spyware on it.

I hope that it is nothing. She's not very sophisticated about things. She didn't use any of her commonly used password themes this time either. She used a password that is only used for an email account she's had since high school. Her other passwords tend to follow themes for things that we share in common. IE: her other passwords are all similar to things we use together like joint banking.

I'm trying not to be so paranoid as to read into even chosen password theme/uniqueness. (It is also the same password she uses for the facebook email she signed up with so the facebook and the email address's passwords are the same)

I'm only alarmed because I can see that she logged in, but not that she DID anything at all while logged in after changing it.

Maybe I'm driving myself nuts.

Frankly, I would do it anyway.

Is there another machine she accesses Facebook from that you can log, to get the password?

Dr. Harley's advice would be to find out for sure, rather than just relying on guessing or hope. Don't tell her you are suspicious, but figure out a way to find out. Get her facebook password, somehow.

The way to stop going nuts is to wait and watch. Watch her facebook account like a hawk.

It could be totally innocent like what Sun suggested. But if it's not, you'll soon find out if you watch it like a hawk.

At this point, asking her about it is not going to get you anything. If she's innocent, you will have a hard time believing her. If she's not innocent, she will lie. And you will have clued her into the fact that you're watching her, so she'll know to be more careful.

Just watch and see what happens.

I have the password. She's just not sophisticated enough to remember passwords that are complicated or deviate from themes. I crack them normally very quickly especially on services like Facebook that don't lock you out and do not notify you if there are incorrect attempts.


If you know a previous facebook password and enter it shortly after a change (a few weeks even) Facebook will say "You've entered an old password. You changed it on" -date- and ask you if you did the change. click yes... then it asks if you remember the pword... click yes... and the owner is never alerted to the attempt.

My wife gets on a plane to come home from India in about 6 hours. She'll be home around 10pm on June 29.


It feels like we've been broken up, divorced, or estranged for this entire month. It feels like we're getting back together, re-marrying, and things like that. I need to keep control of my emotions.

The real work is about to begin.

It is about 10 hours until she is home.

I'm hoping that she doesn't come walking down the steps to the baggage claim area standing with this man. I am hoping that she doesn't give him a hug goodbye. I'm hoping that she doesn't event tell him goodbye.

If she does, I'm liable to walk over to him and tell him that he is not being professional. This is your subordinate. I'm going to tell you this now since it has gone too far. It violates the professional boundaries of your supervisory position to take my wife to restaurant at night after hours just the two of you. It violates professional boundaries to give her a fond hug goodbye.

It violates professional boundaries for you to eat almost every meal with her while you were gone. It also violates marital boundaries. You can not be a good supervisor if you are not professional. It makes me uncomfortable so it likely also does others. This is your chance to correct this. I won't allow it to continue. Your HR department is likely not going to see all of these things collectively as innocent. One or two might be considered just lapses that you didn't realize, but not them all.
You and my wife spend entirely too much time together for it to be an appropriate relationship. It looks like much more than favoritism to me and likely others at the office. It stops now.

I hope his wife is there should I need to say it.


Though, I'm not sure that I will unless I see something inappropriate like that between them...


Someone talk me down from the ledge if doing this would be stupid.

I bet his wife will be there too. If I did this where she saw after seeing something like that then his wife might learn things that she is uncomfortable with that he isn't telling her. I bet he never told her they eat at restaurants after hours alone.

I'm getting really worked up about this now.

Have you ever met his wife?

Once briefly at a company picnic.

I know her facebook account too.

No exposure so far because of no proof.

I suspect his wife will be there to pick him up after a month.

You know that OM is just going to portray you as a crazy nut job jealous husband. right?

This is a great opportunity for you to dispel that. Can you think of any way that you can plant some seeds in her head without looking like a crazy guy...since you have no proof?

It is possible that his wife has also noticed what you have noticed but does not know how to approach it.

It's possible. But this would give the other spouse a chance to think "wow, I'm not crazy" and get involved too. She might be thinking that "I'm crazy. He says they are just friends and I have no proof."

Seeing me do that would certainly validate her concerns.

I dunno what I should do.

I don't think it is appropriate for a supervisor to hug a subordinate goodbye. No one died. There is no personal crisis upon coming home. There is no rational reason for contact of any intimate nature at this point. It would confirm to me that even if it isn't an affair it needs busting up before it becomes one.

Trust me on this one... you don't want to come off as the crazy jealous nutjob. It is all in your presentation.





But OM has not done that yet and I have the feeling that he will be on his best behaviour since he and your wife already know that you are suspicious.

Introduce yourself to his wife and have a nice conversation while you are waiting for the arrival. Plant some seeds...maybe mention the dinners and time that they spend together.

The ideal situation would be for her to start looking and maybe find something that you have not been able to.

That's just what I would do. Good Luck amibretrayed.

Well... she called me using potential other man's cell phone from the Chicago airport. At least I have his number to scrounge for and search over now...

If that's the cell he'd use to cheat...


I'm trying to calm down. For some reason it has upset me to no end to have her call me on his phone.

2.5 hours until she's home from India.