Before I go into what is going on currently between me and my wife I would like to give a little background information on our relationship and myself.
Relationship Background: About 5 years ago in 2008 I started dating this wonderful woman named Jessica. She had a daughter that was 1 year old at the time. So me and Jessica dated for 1 full year before getting engaged. We then got married a year after the engagement in 2010. Those first two years were amazing. We rarely fought we always got along and did lots of stuff together. I just don't understand everything now and whats happening.
My background: I went in to the army back in 2006 and got out in 2008. I've had problems with drugs during the course of our marriage. But I have overcome that and no longer do drugs. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD and Bi-polar disorders.

So just a week ago everything seemed to be going ok in our marriage. We were having some small problems but nothing I thought was actually serious until she got up and just walked out one day. So the day she walked out on me she waited until I had left for college for my night class. She then packed up all her stuff and all of our daughter's stuff. Then booked it while I was in class. When I got home I was completely shocked that this had happened. I was not expecting her to leave me like this behind my back and not tell me anything about why she was doing this. So I called her and got her to come back to talk to me about what was going on. When she got to the house she came in and continued packing stuff while ignoring me. I finally got her to talk to me but she was being very short and it didn't feel like she was being completely honest to me about eveything. But she had told me the reason she left was because I was not being affectionate enough towards her and that I was treating her like [censored]. I told her that I didn't realize that you felt this way and asked why she never talked to me about this. She stated that she did try a couple time a while back like a month or two ago but nothing recent. I then asked why she didn't want to talk to me recently about these problems we were having that I was oblivious about. And she said that she didn't love me anymore and just had given up. But none of this had ever been communicated to me so I really had no idea. Now its been 5 days since she left me. She will barley answer me when I try to either call her or text message her. I have asked her to come over so that we could talk. When she got here she wouldn't look at me at all. If she said something it was a short and very simple answer with no reasons. She got her point across though. She had said that the marriage was over just like that and there is nothing you can do about it Zack. She also said that she had just fallen outta love with me. I asked her why and she told me it was because how I had been treating her, like [censored].

Well that is about everything I can remember for now. The problems I have is I love my wife dearly and don't want to see her go. I want her to come back home and put the family back together piece by piece no matter how long it takes I am committed to saving my marriage to her. But she says that she does not love me anymore and does not want to try to make this work. So I am wanting this to work right?
How do I get her to talk to me so that we can better understand what is all going on?
How do I get her to change her mind about our marriage and saving or at least trying an attempt at saving it?

I just don't understand everything going on here because she simply will not talk to me or see me anymore. What can I do?

Welcome to Marriage Builders olbaid,

So sorry for the things that have brought you here.

Before I try to answer your questions I'd like to suggest that you take your time and read the free materials on this site. It will be very enlightening to you to find what you have been doing that has caused your W to fall out of love with you.

You have come to the right place to help you make the changes you need to to be a great partner. Start with the Basic Concepts link at the top and just keep digging around all the great information Dr Harley has provided to us for free. Once that is done feel free to purchase a few of his books that go into greater detail his concepts.

It is going to be difficult for you to recover your M if you and your W are separated. It is very important for couples to be able to fall in love and stay in love that they spend a large amount of quality time together. 20 hours a week until the M is recovered. 15 hours or more after that.

How do you convince your W to give you a chance?

You cannot do it by giving it lipservice. �Please come back. I�ll change. I promise.� That ship has sailed. It�s time for you to take action. To change the things about yourself that pushed her away.

You need to learn how to become a master at meeting her most important emotional needs (you stopped being affectionate was a clue to you from her).

You need to learn to totally eliminate things that cause her to lose her love for you. LoveBusters (you treated her like _____).

These are two of the starters that are preached and practiced on this site. If I were you I�d get started on educating yourself. Once you totally understand where you fell short in your M you will have the knowledge to let your W know where you went wrong and let her know exactly how you�re changing/have changed to ensure it never happens again.

Until then we can�t even trust that you�ll do right by her.

The last thing and this is very important � above everything else. You need to make sure there is no affair. You will get nowhere trying to compete with an affair partner and you will need to do what you can to try to eliminate the affair first and foremost.

Be wary !!! If you tell us you don�t think there is another guy you�re going to get the message hammered into your head that you need to find, definitely, there is no affair.

Where is she that she�s gone?

Where is your wife staying?

We both work full time at a hotel in the same city that we live in. She is the front desk manager and I'm a front desk receptionist. She has moved into the hotel. I don't know if she going to stay there for a while or not. My daughter has told me that, "mommy and me are going to get and apartment together". But I don't know if that is true or not. What I do know is that in her current financial situation she won't be able to afford an apartment and everything else.

So I have been thinking about all the stuff that has been happening over the past few months and have realized that she has been changing little by little and doing strange things. We both are in college again. She was talking classes to get into the medical field. I am talking classes to be an operator out in the chemical plants. She was two semesters in and then all the sudden she just decided that she no longer wanted to continue getting that medical degree and then just stopped taking college classes all-together. Then she originally did not want to stay at the hotel forever be front desk manager. But now she says she loves it there and is going to be staying at the hotel in her current position for a long time.

But then last night we had a decent night. I was working last night at the hotel like usual. So I just asked her if she would like to go and grab some dinner for all of us. So we made the order I paid for it and she went and picked it up. She kind of talked to me but just about some current event things like whats happening here and there. But I was able to get her to say yes into going to regular marriage counseling sessions. We start seeing this marriage counselor on this Tuesday afternoon.

I am very sure as of right now that she is not having an affair/cheating on me, but this is as of right now. What I don't know is if she is talking to someone else. I know that she has been talking to her entire side of the family and her friends about us and from what they have told me, which is very little, is that it is pretty much over and don't know how to help out us and our situation. Beyond that no one not her family or her friends or her will talk to me about what is completely going on and what they think if there is anything I should do.

I'm trying different things to try and save our marriage but she is not trying anything. I have tried to sit down and just talk to her multiple times about this breakup but she won't talk back to me. I have sent her a letter about how I feel about everything that is going on between us. I have been leaving her alone for the most part lately, except when it is something I'm trying to set up, like counseling, then I (how she calls it) "bother her". And I have set up marriage counseling session and she has agreed to come with me. I have been reading through this site about the things I was told to read. And there is a lot of good information. I'll try to implement some things and see where it goes from here.

If y'all have any other suggestions on what I should do I am all ears due to the fact that I am willing to listen to anyone and do just about anything to save this marriage. Thanks guys.

Do you have a spyware on her phone and computer?

No I don't have spyware on her phone or on her computer.

You need to find a way to snoop on your wife and find out what's going on. Lots and lots of folks come on this board, absolutely positive their spouse is not having an affair and doing all the same things your wife is. And then they snoop and find out their spouse is indeed having an affair.

Her behavior certainly sounds like it.

You need to find out who it is she's talking to. Affairs usually start with a friend and proceed from there.

Take nothing for granted.

It's quite possible she is having an affair so snoop like crazy, like James Bond and find out for sure. There are some great threads around here that will help you snoop properly. Someone will be along to help you with that.

The fact she had a private place to stay and booked it while you were out is very, very alarming. Either that or it is very telling of just how bad your M was.

She's agreed to attend Marriage Counseling?

This could be a recipe for disaster for you. Many marriage counselors aren't marriage facilitators. They have a horrible success rate and many times become divorce facilitators especially when one spouse says it�s over and they just want an amicable break up.

Have you read the materials on this site? Do they make sense to you, appeal to you?

We really want to sell you on this program because we all know it works. Especially if both parties are involved. You have a great opportunity to repair your M but traditional marriage counseling isn�t the answer.

Unless you know this counselor is a pro marriage counselor that follows tactics very similar to Dr Harley�s then I�m afraid you�re going down a bad path. You will probably find things get worse instead of better.

I say cancel that counseling session. If you can afford it I would set up phone counseling with one of the therapists on this site. Steve Harley and Jennifer Chalmers are Dr Harley�s son and daughter and they are both wonderful counselors. After hanging around here for 10 years my W and I finally booked some sessions with Dr Chalmers and we are doing so much better than before. I wish I would have done it 10 years ago. All that time wasted.

In the meantime read everything on this site. Then take it one step further and get a few books.
Two must have books are:
His Needs Her Needs
LoveBusters

If you find out your W isn�t having an affair then you can get Fall in Love Stay In Love.

If she is having an affair then move your thread to the Surviving an Affair section. You can recover from an affair but only if you follow what is practiced here at Marriage Builders.