Hi All,

Just like to say a big thank you to everyone participating! This is my first post but I have gather lots of valuable info from all the great posts..

Ok, last night I exposed the WW, which involved messaging the OM contacts on FB, family members of W, and her workplace (affair is with a colleague). I just have four of her friends that I will send messages this afternoon on FB.

It�s been 7 months since DDay and I know I left the exposure really late � the affair does seem to trenched in. Exposing is just something I wouldn�t ever think of doing, but was getting desperate to end this A..

Her mum, dad and best friend knew pretty everything early on but have decided to support her with whatever decision she makes, which was a big shock to me. But to be honest I don�t know what she has been saying to them..

W was out with the kids yesterday and was meant to be back for 7pm, I started to expose at 1pm and pretty finished off at 6pm. Started on the OM FB and about half way through got a call from the W BF demanding that I stopped! Ha! I stayed calm and knew that I was hitting the target.!

At around 8pm, I was at home and WW turns up with the police� saying she wants to collect the children�s stuff for school and they�ll be staying at her mums for the night. I just stepped out of the house and let her and her BF get on with it. If anything the police weren�t too happy about the situation as she actually entered the house before they all got there and the officer basically told off the BF for wasting police time!!

Now the W and her parents are furious, not sure if they going to forgive me now. Has anyone been in the situation where the in-laws are steaming?

Also, how long will the fallout last?

Good work my friend on staying cool.

I wouldn't delay in contacting her friends. They will be spinning a PR fantasy to anyone you haven't reached which probably paints you as an abusive husband.

"And I even needed the police to escort me out of there!" She will wail.

Finish it quick. And good work!

Oh and record any time spent alone with her. Crying abuse is common WW tactic.

Another thing you might do is call up the ILs and BF and ask them just WHY they are supporting the affair.

Ask them civilly if there is any reason why they would wish they daughter/BF to break up her family. Is there anything you could be doing better?

Don't argue with them, but if you get a tall story about how you are part demon, ask them if she had 'claimed' anything like that before she was in an adulterous relationship. When they say no, simply say 'I see' and promise them she would be returning to a loving husband.

If they say anything about you that is true, that is sometimes more hurtful. Don't get defensive just promise them that with their support you can offer her more than 'some guy who hits on married women'.

Cheers!

To be honest talking to the IL's is a lost hope at the moment, unless we go into R. Her BF and the IL's are totally behind her and me mentioning the fog or anything like that ... They think I'm nuts! But they don't see what happens behind closed doors!

Took the afternoon off work to pick up the kids so they stay at home tonight. Spoke to a solicitor and she advise that the WW did herself no favours wasting police time - but she only done it to do the big wail!!!

Messages sent to friends, really wished I'd done this earlier but exposing in Plan A just didn't make sense so was waiting for the right time .. Just being a bit of a wimp if I'm honest, and didn't want to rock the boat!

I live in the UK, does anyone have an idea on how companies generally handle affairs at work when they exposed?

This is the first night after the exposure we going to be at home together so should be fun! Any advise on how to handle?

Great job, man! You have taken the most important step to taking your life back.

The craziness will last probably a few days, while she rants and raves at you and tells you ridiculous things like "I was going to end the affair, but you ruined it." Stay calm through it, don't respond with disrespect (as hard as that is), and you may have a good chance to fix your marriage when the dust settles.

Oh and record any time spent alone with her. Crying abuse is common WW tactic.
This CANNOT be too strongly urged, my friend. A few of us have learned (to our dismay) how "fairly" the LEPs and Courts treat BHs when the "Polly Pureheart" starts talking "spousal abuse".

It is NOT too extreme, if you cannot have a VAR working when you and she would be together, to just leave, and return when so protected.

I live in the UK too. Is there a particular need for workplace exposure? Do they work together? Is one a superior of the other? Have they used work time and resources to further their affair?

If the answer to any of these is yes, you need workplace exposure. There are some template letters we can give you, if you can tell us what the situation is.



When we don�t change things ... things don�t change. Excellent to see you are now taking the bull by the horns so unapologetically.



Give us feedback regarding her reaction and we can give you Plan A advice. Never lose your temper. She wants you to, but don�t bat an eyelid.

FIRSTLY, as Neverguessed says, - protect yourself. Dont be alone together without a recording device. I dont like the fact she called the police earlier. Leave if you cant record yourself with her.

SECONDLY read the 'Carrot and Stick of Plan A thread'. It outlines how to be nice without being a doormat. Never apologise for exposure, for hurting OM, but be a sweetie in all GOOD husbandly ways. The goal is to achieve a James Bond level of cool. Never grovel or beg, never lose your cool, but court her all the same.

Some key phrases:

"I will not apologise for running off another man"

"It is not wrong to tell the truth"

"I am sorry you/he finds your affair embarrassing"

(if she threatens divorce) "I do not talk divorce, I talk marriage."

If you have to, excuse yourself to do something lovely and thoughtful as an amazing husband and father. Offer her a drink a nice dinner etc...

FF

I'm in the UK too and I did a work place exposure, I got financial compensation from my H company as they knew of the OW behaviour and allowed it to continue, I did't go to court or anything, just made a big enough fuss that they got scared, especially when I brought up the clause all British companies have which is disciplining any employee that brings the "company into disrepute". My H worked for a large DIY warehouse chain (the one with the big orange logo) and it wasn't easy for them to take workplace affairs seriously as its common in retailers like them but I stuck to my guns, researched and found the right bosses and got it done.

The OW got demoted and a memo put in her personel file stating that should she engage in further relationships with married men in the workplace she would be fired, my H left the company and didn't get into any trouble.

It's not easy but it can be done if the company is big enough and you talk to the right people.

Last night was emotional. I picked up the kids after school and headed up to a neighbours and had a BBQ. W came up with her BF after finishing work and caused a right commotion, demanding the kids come home now and I need to stay out of the house for the next three days. She accused me of being intimidating and harassing her. Gutted I couldn't record the conversation as my battery on my phone was dead. She was fuming so I decided to stay at a friends and come back home in the morning to get the kids ready and drop them off at school.

I usually do breakfast for everyone, so did a cuppa and some porridge for the W, she refused to eat or drink anything and poured her own breakfast - never done that before! She just refuses to talk at all at the moment, so just giving her some space. I�m thinking of getting the kids to bed tonight and staying at a friend again, for one more night � and then ask her to stay out if she cant be in the same house.. What do you think? Just worried she will push on false abuse claims..

The W isn't motivated at all to R and hasn't been for the last few months, just pushing for separation and has threatened D once. Know I drained a lot from the love bank with the exposure, and hoping I can pull it back from here. But prepared for the next couple of weeks to be really tough as the exposure bombs keep blowing up in la la land!

FF

The OP work with my WW, he's in a supervisor role somewhat but works in a different department which does similar work to my WW. I have done a workplace exporsure and sent the an email to the HR director and both the team leaders! They both work for a large legal firm.

I haven�t heard anything yet, only sent the email two days ago, not sure how I should chase up or kick up a fuss as I don�t want to come across as a crazy BH.

Do you have a link to 'Carrot and Stick of Plan A thread'?

FF,


Your focus right now is causing as much conflict in the affair as possible. Also, do not tolerate affair activities around you or your children.

That means she does not call her AP in your presence, does not bring her AP in your home or around your children. It may even mean preparing legal separation with explicit instructions that your children are not to be around the AP. You may want to do what you can to restrict her access to marital funds.


Those are all "stick" items.


Carrot items are; eliminating Love Busters and doing what you can to meet her emotional needs.


Don't worry about LB$ damage due to exposure - you would be in an endless fight without exposure.

Also, are they any signs that I can watch out for that will give me an indication of how well the exposure has worked?

One bit of info I managed to get from the exposure is that the OM is married and separated, with a young child and apparently he's been trying to R with his W - keeping this bit of info too myself until the WW fog has lifted, and maybe show her it then!

FF

No, you need to track down his BW and expose this affair to her as well.

Hi HHH,

Sorry don�t think I was very clear on my last post.. actually not even given you all the details !

I exposed to the OM BW, she was on top of the target list! I went over to a good friends house to do EDay and when I found the BW on the OM FB, my friend recognised her, they both from the same town! He�s actually been on a few dates with the BW best friend (BF) recently. I sent the message to the OM BW on FB and my friend got in touch with the BW BF over text. The BF basically told us that she was unsure if the affair has been going on as the OM has been trying to get back together with his W, we told her we have the proof!

My friend is planning on going for a drink with the BW BF and see what else he can fish from her before I approach my WW with what I know (increase conflict!) because if I do tell my WW what I know, I don�t want her running off to the OM telling him and the possibility of any more information from the BW BF drying up!

Hope that makes sense :0)

You exposed to the BW on Facebook? And your friend is dating the BW's best friend?

Get her address and go round in person with your proof. Or her phone number. Third hand messages are hard to take seriously when you are a BS in shock.

Try not to leave your home any more. You don't want her claiming you left or moving the BF in. Get a recordable device and stand your ground keeping the kids close. Your next move will be to get solid legal advice.

Ps its common for waywards to spie on their BS and intercept messages. Tell her in person.

You can tell exposure worked by how angry they are. The angrier they are, the better your exposure rocked their fantasy land.

Gutted I couldn't record the conversation as my battery on my phone was dead.

Exactly what part of the advice from IG and myself about "Get a recorder and keep it 'on' whenever she is around", did you confuse with "Ignore this advice and attempt to jury-rig a phone solution"?

You're not going to get too many "resets" in this contest, FF. Anything less than 100% attention will NOT work in your favor.

In here you will find the link for the Carrot and Stick of Plan A.
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

Your right NeverG slipped up and need to get refocused and my game head on! It's just we have never argued in public or with the kids and wasn't expecting her to come around, but nevertheless this isn't normal circumstances so need to be prepared...

If I'm honest the panic is kicking in a little bit and starting to even doubt the strategy, as the pain it's caused with the WW and the ILS - I'm worried that's it's not going to be repairable and maybe just sitting back and letting the affair die naturally might of been a better way..

But deep down I know that's very unlikely, as she built this whole life at work and knowing her and the OM are planning their future together, which is a foggy fantasy that may or may not workout, I guess I can't just sit back ...

She is so angry though, I hate to see her like that..