How do you think he would answer this question:

"IF there was a way for us to have an exclusive, happy, loving M together where we both have all our needs met and never do things to each other that make us unhappy...would you want that with me?"

I'm not a veteran poster, but i do know that in his current frame of mind, i feel that ANY R related discussions should be taken off the table.

Keep doing your best Plan A and you seem to have the right feelings about Not having ANY expectations. Continue to avoid any LB's and meet the minimal opportunities allowed to make LB deposits.

LTL

Not sure about that. I have heard him a number of times encourage a BS in Plan A to meet ANY EN's they can to attract them back into the M. Good question though in this situation.

If you can be a caller on the radio program, I would be interested in hearing Dr. Harley's opinion on this for you.

Tough call. Somehow he needs hope that you CAN have a good M. Most likely, he is not convinced you can/have changed to eliminate all of your LB's.

Or asking his opinion on things. Such as, "through your eyes, where did I go wrong in our marriage?" and Not be defensive with his responses.

I think that telling him the specific things that you have done wrong and that you are committed to never doing these things again needs to be communicated.


See, I think he knows that his best POSSIBLE chance at happiness is with you. How is he going to see this?

Unless you are ready to throw in the towel, you are going to have to get to work trying to meet as many of his EN's as possible. Spending time with him showing him the new you!

You do know that Plan B is not intended to win your spouse back...right?

I just heard from Joyce Harley and you should have also.

Please check the email address you used when you registered for MB.

Did you see this?

Did you get the email?

Is there an email I should add to my contacts so that it does not get sent to spam?

Thanks BH, at the moment I feel that, regardless of what happens in our marriage, I want and need to come out a happier and better person.

I received SAA today, will start reading and still waiting on LB.
I am trying to meet his EN's, and now w/o expectations.
I did not realize Plan B was to not get the spouse back..
I know he thinks I have not changed, in the past I would question us etc on a daily basis, so speaking about us now just shows him that is all I am thinking about.
Gosh this is difficult.

PF, I do hope so because right now I feel as lost as DDay. But with less tears.

Okay everyone, I will be on the radio tomorrow! Whatever insight yall have after the radio please let me know.

Not sure about that. I have heard him a number of times encourage a BS in Plan A to meet ANY EN's they can to attract them back into the M. Good question though in this situation.

If you can be a caller on the radio program, I would be interested in hearing Dr. Harley's opinion on this for you.

If exposure itself doesn't end the affair immediately, my advice regarding what to do next is usually different for husbands and wives. I encourage husbands to try to stick to avoiding arguments and meeting their unfaithful wives' basic needs (Plan A) as long as possible (six months to a year). But I usually encourage wives to separate after about three weeks if their husband is still in contact with his lover. My experience has taught me that the health of most women deteriorates quickly and significantly while living with an unfaithful husband. Men, on the other hand, tend to be able to weather the storm longer with fewer emotional or physical effects. I call the strategy of complete separation Plan B.

In addition to avoiding health problems, a separation also helps a betrayed spouse hang on to what remains in their spouse's Love Bank account. Daily interaction with an unfaithful spouse causes such large withdrawals, that a separation with no contact between spouses can actually help the marriage by temporarily freezing the betrayed spouse's Love Bank. When the affair is over, the betrayed spouse is less likely to divorce when the unfaithful spouse wants to give the marriage a chance to recover.