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Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1 |
Hi! I am new here and I've been reading forums and all the info provided about marriage. I've been separated from my husband for three and a half years. He lives in KS with our sixteen year old son and I live in NY State with our twelve year old daughter. I left because I couldn't take the verbal abuse anymore. During our seventeen year marriage there has also been physical abuse from him when he got drunk. I've maintained contact with him and even been to visit on several occasions and he has been here. All those visits were fine with no problems. His verbal abuse got worse when we lost our money in the crash of 2008 and since then we have lost two homes. I'm happy here but he says he will do anything to have his family together. I have filed for divorce and am waiting for the papers to be filed in court so that I can serve him the papers. He doesn't think we have aproblem and is willing to go to counseling. But I am done and I can never trust him again. He finally stopped drinking last week when i told him that I want a divorce. A bit late! He thinks I'm the one with the problem and that I am stuck. I'm just stuck dealing with him until he can be served. He keeps calling over and over to me or our daughter when I don't answer. I even lost the phone the other day on purpose. I need to keep my phone so that our son can call me. Im probably going to need a restraining order once he gets served.
How can I get through to him that I never will trust him again despite his offers to try to fix things? I am not in love with him as he depleted my love account long ago. He also thinks that he was bad five years ago and that I should forgive him. But he has been bad every year apart from the first year of our marriage. Anyone else been through this?
Thanks so much"
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
Hi! I am new here and I've been reading forums and all the info provided about marriage. I've been separated from my husband for three and a half years. He lives in KS with our sixteen year old son and I live in NY State with our twelve year old daughter. I left because I couldn't take the verbal abuse anymore. During our seventeen year marriage there has also been physical abuse from him when he got drunk. I've maintained contact with him and even been to visit on several occasions and he has been here. All those visits were fine with no problems. His verbal abuse got worse when we lost our money in the crash of 2008 and since then we have lost two homes. I'm happy here but he says he will do anything to have his family together. I have filed for divorce and am waiting for the papers to be filed in court so that I can serve him the papers. He doesn't think we have aproblem and is willing to go to counseling. But I am done and I can never trust him again. He finally stopped drinking last week when i told him that I want a divorce. A bit late! He thinks I'm the one with the problem and that I am stuck. I'm just stuck dealing with him until he can be served. He keeps calling over and over to me or our daughter when I don't answer. I even lost the phone the other day on purpose. I need to keep my phone so that our son can call me. Im probably going to need a restraining order once he gets served.
How can I get through to him that I never will trust him again despite his offers to try to fix things? I am not in love with him as he depleted my love account long ago. He also thinks that he was bad five years ago and that I should forgive him. But he has been bad every year apart from the first year of our marriage. Anyone else been through this?
Thanks so much" Are you currently involved with anyone else?
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
How can I get through to him that I never will trust him again despite his offers to try to fix things? If you just want to divorce him, then don't worry about getting through to him. It doesn't matter if he is wrong for the rest of his life. It will be healthier for you to minimize contact with him.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
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Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I'm just stuck dealing with him until he can be served. He keeps calling over and over to me or our daughter when I don't answer. I even lost the phone the other day on purpose. I need to keep my phone so that our son can call me. Get a new number that your son can call, and don't tell your husband what it is.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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