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A move away from the site of the affair and D-Day can be a great new beginning for both spouses. If you are both agreeable, I would go.
Moving isn't easy, but when you get to the new place and build a whole new life in fresh surroundings, and you can both live in a place without those triggers, it can be well worth the effort it will take.
Married 1980 DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Moving Will definitely help your BH. What does he say about this?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Moving Will definitely help your BH. What does he say about this? Brain ~ he said it will help tremendous amounts, he hasn't been near his family for so long, I think it would be helpful. Newfoundland is beautiful and he will be able to hunt and fish ~ the thins he loves but can't really do here.
FWW, 36
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Moving Will definitely help your BH. What does he say about this? Brain ~ he said it will help tremendous amounts, he hasn't been near his family for so long, I think it would be helpful. Newfoundland is beautiful and he will be able to hunt and fish ~ the thins he loves but can't really do here. Well it sounds like you have your answer then. Since you're both enthusiastic about it then it sounds like a go. Dr. Harley often recommends to move after an affair, especially if it is hindering recovery and the BS is still struggling.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Looks like it's a "GO", we have about three weeks to get everything tied up here - or as much as we can anyway. We would like to have our kids in school as soon as possible, they will end up late by a few days, but better late than never.
I'm hopeful that this move will aid in recovery for both of us - BS most importantly. My biggest fear is of course that "his bad feelings" won't go away - I know that recovery takes up to two years, so I don't expect it to happen over night, and complacency is NOT an option, what should I be doing (or continue to do) to ensure we continue on the right path?
FWW, 36
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Looks like it's a "GO", we have about three weeks to get everything tied up here - or as much as we can anyway. We would like to have our kids in school as soon as possible, they will end up late by a few days, but better late than never.
I'm hopeful that this move will aid in recovery for both of us - BS most importantly. My biggest fear is of course that "his bad feelings" won't go away - I know that recovery takes up to two years, so I don't expect it to happen over night, and complacency is NOT an option, what should I be doing (or continue to do) to ensure we continue on the right path? It can take 2-5 years. You continue to avoid Love Busters and meeting his ENs. Make sure you're getting your 15+ hrs of UA. You stay the course and keep your EPs in place and your boundaries firm.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Moving is something that Dr. Harley often recommends, and it will probably do wonders for you two!
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Moving is something that Dr. Harley often recommends, and it will probably do wonders for you two! This is the best news you have given us for quite a while, mrs_cen! Moving is an excellent idea. My wife and I moved 500 miles, and it worked wonders for us.
me-65 wife-61 married for 40 years DS - 38, autistic, lives at home DD - 37, married and on her own DS - 32, still living with us
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If you'd read a few posts up you would already know the answer. Here. Currently we live in Alberta (My ENTIRE family is here) his ENTIRE family is in Newfoundland ~ about 6350 KM away
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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If you'd read a few posts up you would already know the answer. Here. Currently we live in Alberta (My ENTIRE family is here) his ENTIRE family is in Newfoundland ~ about 6350 KM away Thank you for the heads up. That is a good distance. My memory not as good as it use to be with some things. **EDIT**
Last edited by MBSync; 08/10/13 02:06 PM. Reason: TOS
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Yeah, it looks like we are doing it! We are just up and leaving with just our personal belongings and a prayer. We are going to live with my folks until we can get work and start a new life. This is actually my wife's idea and I am very surprised she seems to be serious about this. A couple more weeks an we will be posting from a new location.
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Yeah, it looks like we are doing it! We are just up and leaving with just our personal belongings and a prayer. We are going to live with my folks until we can get work and start a new life. This is actually my wife's idea and I am very surprised she seems to be serious about this. A couple more weeks an we will be posting from a new location. Excellent! Work hard to make this a fresh new start. You will find moving to be a great opportunity for exercising POJA skills.
me-65 wife-61 married for 40 years DS - 38, autistic, lives at home DD - 37, married and on her own DS - 32, still living with us
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Yeah, it looks like we are doing it! We are just up and leaving with just our personal belongings and a prayer. We are going to live with my folks until we can get work and start a new life. This is actually my wife's idea and I am very surprised she seems to be serious about this. A couple more weeks an we will be posting from a new location. Excellent! Work hard to make this a fresh new start. You will find moving to be a great opportunity for exercising POJA skills. This will be so good for your Marriage RNR. Like mrEureka mentions, use this time to work on your POJA. This is such good news for you and mrs.cen.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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This sounds fantastic. A move is often recommended, and I'm glad you guys have a plan you are both so enthusiastic about.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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What's going on? Why aren't you moving?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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What's going on? Why aren't you moving? Brain; There was never any mention on my part as to me not moving, I did NOT return my ticket, nor did I return our daughter's ticket. Since the decision to move was made, I've been struggling with leaving my oldest son (BS's step-son) behind. He has special needs, and at this time moving him 6500km is not an option, his doctors are here, his school is here, the few friends he's made are here, his biological father and paternal grandparents are here as well as my parents (yes, I do realize that there are physician's and schools in NL, and that he can make new friends, however, he doesn't want to go and it is in my opinion as well as that of his doctor that it would be more detrimental to him and how far we've got him at this time to uproot) BS, felt that those feelings were me saying no, and took it upon himself to suggest I was not going ~ this informing his entire family of my "failure to complete JC" etc. Mr. Eureka asked on BS's thread "was this a result of another fight?" The answer is YES, the closer we get to moving the more AO BS has been having, he acknowledges them and is apologetic - after the fact, but I find it hard, as I never know when they are coming, things can be fine one minute, then the next I get a text message that would make a sailor blush. I did email Dr. Harley, and Joyce actually called me last week ~ I called back and am waiting to hear back from her.
FWW, 36
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What's going on? Why aren't you moving? Brain; There was never any mention on my part as to me not moving, I did NOT return my ticket, nor did I return our daughter's ticket. Since the decision to move was made, I've been struggling with leaving my oldest son (BS's step-son) behind. He has special needs, and at this time moving him 6500km is not an option, his doctors are here, his school is here, the few friends he's made are here, his biological father and paternal grandparents are here as well as my parents (yes, I do realize that there are physician's and schools in NL, and that he can make new friends, however, he doesn't want to go and it is in my opinion as well as that of his doctor that it would be more detrimental to him and how far we've got him at this time to uproot) BS, felt that those feelings were me saying no, and took it upon himself to suggest I was not going ~ this informing his entire family of my "failure to complete JC" etc. Mr. Eureka asked on BS's thread "was this a result of another fight?" The answer is YES, the closer we get to moving the more AO BS has been having, he acknowledges them and is apologetic - after the fact, but I find it hard, as I never know when they are coming, things can be fine one minute, then the next I get a text message that would make a sailor blush. I did email Dr. Harley, and Joyce actually called me last week ~ I called back and am waiting to hear back from her. Have you any idea what made him think you had returned the tickets? That's such an odd thing to say so positively if it wasn't true. Was the plan that, when you did move, you would you leave your son behind? Had that been agreed upon? Was that a reluctant agreement by you, if so? If your son is happy to stay where you are and has his father and grandparents to look after him, do those things reassure you? Would you be happy if your son came to stay with you in his school holidays? How old is he? Alternatively, would you be willing to give moving (leaving your son behind) a try, retaining the option to move back after, say, one year? (Is it that house that RNR feels triggered by, or the local area, or the whole province? Is it that he wants to get away from the area, or that he wants to be near his family?) Are you trying to brainstorm and negotiate the options, as you should be doing? What's going on at home today? I do hope you are not fighting and that you are able to discuss this.
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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What's going on? Why aren't you moving? Brain; There was never any mention on my part as to me not moving, I did NOT return my ticket, nor did I return our daughter's ticket. Since the decision to move was made, I've been struggling with leaving my oldest son (BS's step-son) behind. He has special needs, and at this time moving him 6500km is not an option, his doctors are here, his school is here, the few friends he's made are here, his biological father and paternal grandparents are here as well as my parents (yes, I do realize that there are physician's and schools in NL, and that he can make new friends, however, he doesn't want to go and it is in my opinion as well as that of his doctor that it would be more detrimental to him and how far we've got him at this time to uproot) BS, felt that those feelings were me saying no, and took it upon himself to suggest I was not going ~ this informing his entire family of my "failure to complete JC" etc. Mr. Eureka asked on BS's thread "was this a result of another fight?" The answer is YES, the closer we get to moving the more AO BS has been having, he acknowledges them and is apologetic - after the fact, but I find it hard, as I never know when they are coming, things can be fine one minute, then the next I get a text message that would make a sailor blush. I did email Dr. Harley, and Joyce actually called me last week ~ I called back and am waiting to hear back from her. Have you any idea what made him think you had returned the tickets? That's such an odd thing to say so positively if it wasn't true. Was the plan that, when you did move, you would you leave your son behind? Had that been agreed upon? Was that a reluctant agreement by you, There really was no "plan" of sorts, I just assumed he would come if so? If your son is happy to stay where you are and has his father and grandparents to look after him, do those things reassure you? I am most definitely reassured he would be cares for and supported by those who love him Would you be happy if your son came to stay with you in his school holidays? How old is he? As it stands, he's to come out at Christmas and spend his summer vacations with usAlternatively, would you be willing to give moving (leaving your son behind) a try, retaining the option to move back after, say, one year? (Is it that house that RNR feels triggered by, or the local area, or the whole province? Is it that he wants to get away from the area, or that he wants to be near his family?) Are you trying to brainstorm and negotiate the options, as you should be doing? it's the whole city that bothers him, the triggers are not just the home, but all around the cityWhat's going on at home today? I do hope you are not fighting and that you are able to discuss this. There is no fighting, but there is no communication either.
FWW, 36
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