So, from day 1 of baby being born, I have felt completely unsupported by husband. He didn't even stay in the hospital with me because he had a kayaking class. He spent a couple hours a day with me there, but would go home to sleep. My family lives a state away and so I had very little help after I came home from the hospital. Husband had class two hours a day, and had to study for maybe 2 hours more a day. He wasn't working or doing anything else. He was going to the gym for three to five hours a day, leaving at 8am and coming home around 4 or 5pm and THEN studying. I was exhausted and felt like a single mom.

When our boy was two weeks and five days old, he came home from the gym and got mad at me because the dishes weren't done. When he was 6 weeks old, husband received a scandalous picture from a new female friend of his. If there is one thing I know, its that he wouldn't cheat on me. But he got this picture from her (she's wearing short shorts and is posed seductively across a skeet ball game... i know, its weird) he said it was totally appropriate and not at all flirty or slutty or whatever. When she sent him this picture it was in response to a picture he sent out to 10 to 15 people, so she accidentally replied to all of them, including his sister, who I confided in about how uncomfortable I had felt over their new relationship. He was texting her a lot and meeting her at the gym to work out together... ugh, it sounds like he was cheating. But I promise, he wasn't. I believe in his mind he thought this was all totally appropriate, and when I brought to his attention how uncomfortable it made me feel he stopped seeing her and texting her. Anywho her sister saw the picture and responded to all saying "I don't know what my brother sees in you, you stupid w***e." Well, he was embarrassed and he took it out on me. He was angry that I had told his sister about this and called me a "stupid f***ing b***h" and asked how I could be so "f***ing stupid".

So I left. I packed up and went to his mothers (closest relative that lives about an hours drive away). On my way there he called me and apologized for the name calling but said that he thinks we should be separated. WHAT?! If you ask me, he should have been begging me to come back at that point. He refuses to go to counseling. He has turned this all on me like I did something wrong here. He tells our family and friends that I left and took his son away (well... it's true... but was I supposed to stay in that kind of environment? He's telling me now that he doesn't know if he wants to be married to me anymore because I am lazy. He tells his family that I haven't lifted a finger since the baby was born. He says he knew I was going to turn into my mother (she is a 300 lb hoarder) as soon as we had kids.

In all honesty, I don't think he loves me anymore, or that he ever loved me. He just started going to school again and has been getting a lot of attention from younger college aged girls. He's 31. He just joined the university's cheer leading team, something that he has never done before or had an inclination to do, and i suspect he is doing for the girls. He is acting like a 15 year old, not a husband and a father.

I resent him so much for abandoning us (he doesn't see it as abandoning because he plans on giving me whatever money I need to live, psshhh. dead beat dad). I don't know if I could ever respect him again enough to be with him (if he ever got past not wanting to be married to me). Frankly, I know he doesn't deserve me and he definitely doesn't deserve to be the father of our beautiful new baby boy, but despite all that I want him to wake up and tell me he loves me and that he'll never do this again and that we'll be together forever.

So, basically, my heart hurts. from baby being 6 weeks to now (10 weeks) I have felt horrible. I cry all the time. I feel like I'm moving in slow motion. I want to always sleep. I would be drunk all the time, except I'm nursing thank heaven. I can't get out of bed in the morning. I can't concentrate on anything. I feel like I'm suffocating. I have to force myself to eat (I'm breastfeeding, so I've been extra careful with my diet, although I feel like I have to throw up all the time.) Baby deserves a mother who is there 100% for him. He deserves a mom with a smile on her face when he coos at her, not a tear-stained face. Do I need medication? Will meds really help when I feel that this is totally situational and not an imbalance?

Also, tell me I'm strong and he doesn't deserve us and not to go back to him, ha. Because I am weak and I have a feeling he will want me back... eventually. Maybe. And I don't want to go back to him... except that I do, so badly. I want so much to have a whole family. But I don't know if he'll ever truly have a change of heart. He is a very selfish individual. And also, thank you for reading this far, if you have.

Welcome to MB, KeepOnDancing.

You are in a lot of pain, but you are not alone in this.
We on this board, know how much betrayal hurts and we are here for you.

Please concentrate on your baby son and your health right now.
You are probably suffering from depression, which is your brain adjusting to the new situation.

It does sound as if your husband is in an affair.
If you want to save this marriage, you will find the resources, tools and support on this forum.

Let me guess: You're 19, he's 20. How close am I?

Hubby is nothing but an immature delayed-impact teenager. His concept of responsibility stopped with "putting dirty clothes in a pile so Mommy can wash them".

It's sad the birth of your child has been the tipping point that revealed that what might previously have been acceptable disinterest is in reality basic unpreparedness to assume the role of father and head-of-family.

Contact a lawyer, or Family Services, and make certain that what financial support the man-child can muster is sent to you regularly.

It isn't normal behaviour, it is abusive. And I guarantee you he is in an affair that is both physical and emotional.

He was smart enough to get into school, that means he is smart enough to know that a picture from a girl of her behind with her legs splayed is not innocent.

He is also smart enough to know that defending flirty girl to the mother of your new child is not good for a marriage. However he simply does not care about you or waht you think.

To discover the extent of the affair you can employ snooping tools, or a PI. Do this for your divorce, so as to keep away his homewrecking girlfriends away from your baby and to get better custody etc.

In short, run. Far and fast.

One of the best ways to find an affair partenr is at the gym. Especially for people who find working out fun. It's also a brilliant cover story for an A.



Guilty people who have been kicking up their heels elsewhere like to demonise the victim in their minds. "She is so slovenly! No WONDER I want someone else!"



How new? Did she by any chance come on to the scene when you were pregnant? Not as able to hang on his every word and spend time doing whatever he considers fun?

If he socialises with fun, pretty, carefree women while you are heavily prgnant, caring for a newborn, he will not be able to HELP comparing.

This is the oldest story in the world. Good men stay home and help.



While demonising you he has also pretended to himself that you are stupid and will fall for anything.



I have been embarrassed in my life. It didnt turn me into an abuser, though.



All adulterers deflect blame and demonise. This is textbook.



This is a very, very normal reaction to the behaviour of an adulterer. Hugs.

That's the thing... I know he isn't/wasn't physically cheating, because after becoming suspicious I snooped. Texts were all innocent, emails were innocent, the only thing inappropriate about them was the fact that he was developing a relationship with someone other than me (so i guess you could call it emotional infidelity). His time was always totally accounted for at the gym. I have friends that work there, who are not his friends who got an accurate account for me.

Whether or not he cheated on me I feel is irrelevant because he was well on his way to doing so. Just hadn't yet.

Well, she indicated he is 31 in the OP.

The behavior is like a 15 year old. (Not that a DJ helps, but I certainly understand why she would think that way!)

You're right. An A is an A whether physical or emotional. I myself never bothered to verify which it was because I don't have children and it doesn't affect UK divorces.

In your case you may need proof of one or both. Get fantastic legal advice.

However I think there ARE things you have not seen. That mistaken message she accidentally sent out is probably far more representative than all the 'innocent' ones they didnt bother to delete.

Your H has embarked on a slander campaign of you. You don't do that unless you are at least sending 'I love you' texts to the OW.

My own H and OW had reams of 'innocent' texts on their phones. Stuff that even backed up the lies they were telling me. Whenever they made up an excuse they would send each other a text to make it seem genuine. It wasnt until he got drunk and forgot to delete stuff that I saw the real stuff.

Lots of them have special affair phones too.

I would snoop and get spyware that lets you see stuff even if it is later deleted. Get a PI to follow him. If he sleeps with her while you are separated, it's still adultery.