I'm 42 years old, married 12 years. Marriage started of great and once our two children were born I started gravitating more towards them. She always asked for more date nights and I wanted family time all the time. About 3 years ago, I discovered she was having an affair. She wanted a separation after that but I begged her to stay. We separated for 6 months and then she wanted to come back and We tried for three more years and things kind of went back to the way it was. We never really had any other issues. We have two awesome kids, were stable financially etc..About 8 months ago, she said she was leaving for good and we have now been separated since then. I was very distraught/angry at first. I thought the only way to move on was to only have contact when it involved the children. Well 2 weeks ago, we talked for the first time in a while. We ended up spending a bit of time together. We took the kids to beach together and then we got together after kids were sleeping. We both ended up crying a bit and she told me how much she misses her best friend. I asked her at one point what she was looking for and she said she wants to feel like she did when we first got married. We had a good hug and that was it. I guess I read to much into it as I asked her out a few days later and she said it was not a good idea because she only ever wants to be friends and doesnt want to hurt me again.

I've tried dating but my heart is with her. Our divorce will be coming up in 4 months or so and I dont know what to do. Part of me wants to just let her go and hope one day her search leads her back to me. The other part wants to try and win her back. Friends and family tell me to just get over it and move on.

Her mom has depression and so does she. I know this plays a part in all of this but not sure how much.

Not sure what I'm asking here...Just mainly wanted to vent:)

Thanks for listening

Is your wife having an affair now? Can you find out?

Your marriage never recovered from your wife's affair a few years ago. It went right back to the state of the pre-affair marriage, which made it even more prone to affairs.

Do you want to try and save your marriage?

We are living apart and she is dating but not with the same guy she had an affair with. And yes I want to try and save my marriage.

Steve

You should move back home as soon as possible. Tell her you are willing to do whatever it takes to create a great marriage with her. Tell her she will need to end her affair immediately.

Does everyone know about her affairs? If not, they should. You need support and she needs accountability. Exposure shines the light of day on a very destructive act.

And she IS having an affair if she is dating while married. Separation is not being divorced.

Meanwhile, be the best husband possible. Read up on Plan A, which is the steps used to try and break up the affair while being a safe place for your wife to land.

You are the logical choice for her husband, because you are the father of her children. It is in her best interest to create great marriage with you.

Have you read this? Start Here This link leads to several threads that are very helpful for ending and recovering from affairs.

You and your wife can turn your marriage around, but first you have to move back into your home and end the affair.

Hi. I just wanted to ask, what kind of personality is your wife? Some people really need space and any pressure you put on them makes them run.
I am like this. I need to miss the person and decide for myself that I want to be with them.
I do believe that waiting and not pressuring her is your best bet.

Waiting will do no good. It is not the way to get back a spouse.

Space for a married couple is DANGEROUS!

**edit**

Waiting patiently is NOT the way to fix a marriage. If you cut off your hand would you wait to see if it stops on its own or would you seek help to fix what obviously is very precious to you?

**edit**

If that were true, this site would not have as many successes as they do.

Please do not give advice contrary to the site's.

Please familiarize yourself with the MB program before posting to those in need. Thank you